AIBU to want to send my DC to private school after seeing kids in park?

[Fishnchipsagain]

DS is 2 so schools haven't really been on our radar yet. But the local primary is rated Outstanding so we just assumed he'd go there in due course.

This afternoon we met some friends at a park at 4pm. The park is close both to the state primary and local prep but is not one we usually go to (and we normally avoid parks at school turning out time).

The park is big but was packed with school children most of whom looked about 7 or younger, so was pretty chaotic. Most of the kids were dressed in polos and shorts or summer dresses and looked pretty much the same. However I rapidly realized that the children in one uniform were generally behaving far better than the others, so I looked at the uniforms to see which schools the kids attended.

There was a lot of pushing and shoving between the primary school kids, and one was utterly foul mouthed. These kids were also the ones who tried to shove the toddlers out of the way on the climbing frame, were clambering the wrong way up the slide, not waiting their turn or yelling at/pushing my DS and his friends if they tried to go in the play house. They took no notice of me when I suggested they wait. One picked up my son's toy and pulled the string so hard he broke it, then just chucked it down and ran off laughing. Obviously they weren't all like this, but a significant number were.

In contrast, the prep school kids we met were universally respectful and friendly to the toddlers, waiting their turn and not sliding into the child in front, one said sorry when he ran into my buggy and they generally seemed to be playing much more nicely together and have more social awareness.

AIBU to want to send my DS private after witnessing this or am I just not used to 4-7 year olds and this is normal? Ive looked on the prep school website and we could just about afford it if we scrimped and saved.

[TheWordFactory]

Well I must go and collect DD from school.

I only hope she hasn't smoked all her crack before I get there and that she kept down some of her caviar. I suppose if she feels ill we can stop the train and ask some poor people to mop it up for us.

[TheoreticalOrder]

You get badly behaved and well behaved kids everywhere, IME it's nothing to do with the school and everything to do with the parents, usually, especially at primary school.

I'd save your money and make sure you teach your own kid manners.

[whereismagic]

Why do some posters rely on schools to teach their kids to get along with all kinds of people? Does it mean your friends and family are very monocultural, monoracial etc?

[Midorichan]

In the 2 years I've been here the kids from the local state school near to me have always, outside of school hours, not been the best behaved. Always. Swearing, smoking, school uniform all over the place. I went to state school. I'm not a snob. That's simply the way it is here. The grammar school kids? Not once have they sworn/smoked etc in public. Of course, behind closed doors is something else. But that's the way the kids are in public. It's not a terrible thing to want the best for your children, and if you're used to seeing people behave a certain way wouldn't you choose the group that seems to behave the best?

[wellysrule]

Not read the entire thread, but for my tuppance worth: I interact on a weekly basis, sometimes bi-weekly, with a group of 6-8 year olds. Out of 28 of them 2 are privately educated already. And you can really tell the difference. They are obnoxious, stuck up their own arses, conceited little people. I knew them before they moved to private and they have really changed. Perhaps they are mimicking their parents, perhaps they are reflecting their schooling, no one could say for sure. But I certainly prefer the actions of the other 26.

[Mehitabel6]

I should look into schools far more closely. I do workshops with schools as a volunteer and the only really difficult one, in terms of behaviour, was a private school- no one wants to work with them again!

[Mehitabel6]

Not all private schools are like that- you can't generalise- but you can't with state schools either.

[fredfredgeorgejnr]

Surely the real question, is why isn't there a playground the prep-school kids can use so they don't have to mix with the riff-raff? It's kind of pointless paying for the education if they end up playing in the park with everyone else?

[Runningupthathill82]

Absolutely OP, YANBU.
I frequently make decisions that would cost me tens of thousands of pounds based upon a half-hour trip to a playground.

[whereismagic]

wellysrule, how lucky those kids to have such a generous, open-minded person teaching (?) them.

[UsedtobeFeckless]

So, in conclusion, some kids are lovely and some are little sods ... You get a fairly random cross section whichever school you choose and however much you cough up for the pleasure - and thanks to you buggers now I REALLY want a bag of chips.

[fatowl]

I'm a product of State education, so is DH.

DD1 and 2 were state educated in a "satisfactory", wide demographic primary school until they were in Y5 and Y2, when we left the UK. They were then educated in a private school overseas.

In the state school they had some lovely friends, with whom they are still in touch. There were also obnoxious rude brats, bullies as well as kids with a variety of SEN and social needs.

In the private school they also made some lovely friends. There were also obnoxious rude brats, bullies as well as kids with a variety of SEN and social needs.

If we had stayed in the UK, we would have stayed in the State system.
My kids are older now, DD1 is at uni and dd2 is doing A-levels.
So are their friends from the State sector.

I teach in the private sector (overseas)- not the same school as my dds though. I've also taught in UK state school (one of which was a "tough" inner city comp)
Teaching private is "Nice", lower pressure than teaching UK state, but honestly I miss the adrenaline rush of teaching UK state sometimes. My old school, we considered it a success if we got our Y11s to sit their GCSEs before they were pregnant or arrested, but it made us all the more proud if we got a student who faced daunting problems through school and exams and made them a functioning adult.

IMO I'd go state every time if the state option was feasible. I live in Asia and there is a massive number of private schools here because the state system isn't fit for purpose. (think 50 to a class with an unqualified teacher reading from a text book in a crumbling classroom.)

OP- get over yourself.

I can't even get chippy chips here and now craving - so thanks MN!

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

Despite being in my 40s and (state schooled) a graduate with a respectable job, there are moments when I wish for a 'Whatever' emoticon.

[LilyKiwi]

I went to a university where the majority of students were privately educated, I love my friends very much, but I can say with conviction that their parents utterly wasted tens of thousands of pounds. Unless you can afford Eton which does (albeit wrongly) churn out a conveyor belt of the next cabinet ministers, private schools are about the worst investment you can make with your money. Obviously though it's whatever you feel best!

[toomuchtooold]

I daresay by now you've gone OP but for what it's worth I went to a really rough primary school and high school and the two options you had were either to behave like that or to be bullied by people who behaved like that. So I don't think YABU at all in wanting your child not to go to a school like that. That said, you need to check out the state school your child is likely to go to, and also try and find out (from the school or by asking about) whether your child is likely to get in. Depending on where you are in the country, the catchment areas can be tiny for outstanding schools.

[formidable]

Interesting how the only posters attacking kids on this thread are in support of state schools.

Barely anyone who has chosen private have said they've done so because they don't want their kids mixing with "riffraff" and yet private school kids have been called every name under the sun

[Sparklingbrook]

DS1 has a mixture of mates probably 50/50 state and privately educated. When they all get together you couldn't tell which ones are which. They are all just teen boys doing teen stuff.

[GoodbyeToAllOfThat]

Our closest park is sandwiched between several sink estates and a private primary. What the OP observes is consistent with my experience.

At the park about a mile south, the same is not true.

[Sparklingbrook]

I might go down to the park later and do a study. I will take a clipboard and dish out questionnaires.

[GoodbyeToAllOfThat]

Let us know your findings.

[Mehitabel6]

I have always found that Sparklingbrook - in a mixed group you couldn't possibly tell. UsedtobeFeckless is right about a random cross section whichever school you choose.
Go and visit the schools. Just making snap judgements based on a few children in a park isn't a good idea. You will find that being able to afford school fees doesn't necessarily produce a well behaved child!
Perhaps do a survey of parks first - try a few in leafy suburbs or villages. Results will be different.

[GraceGrape]

You need to go and visit the schools to see what the behaviour is like there. Kids that can be little monsters outside of school behave perfectly well within the structure of the classroom.

[Uhplistrailer]

DEFINITELY NOT SAYING ITS THE CASE WITH ALL CHILDREN.

But I babysit a lot of kids. On the whole, private school kids are more confident, polite and well behaved. I'm including my own state school children in that too, so I'm not biased!

It's just something I've observed, and I certainly don't think its the same for all children!

[BertrandRussell]

"Interesting how the only posters attacking kids on this thread are in support of state schools."

Well, part from all the people saying they wouldn't send their children to state school.......

[LuisSuarezTeeth]

Yet another "wind em up and watch em go" thread.

Bloody trolls.