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AIBU to want to send my DC to private school after seeing kids in park?

463 replies

Fishnchipsagain · 24/06/2015 19:16

DS is 2 so schools haven't really been on our radar yet. But the local primary is rated Outstanding so we just assumed he'd go there in due course.

This afternoon we met some friends at a park at 4pm. The park is close both to the state primary and local prep but is not one we usually go to (and we normally avoid parks at school turning out time).

The park is big but was packed with school children most of whom looked about 7 or younger, so was pretty chaotic. Most of the kids were dressed in polos and shorts or summer dresses and looked pretty much the same. However I rapidly realized that the children in one uniform were generally behaving far better than the others, so I looked at the uniforms to see which schools the kids attended.

There was a lot of pushing and shoving between the primary school kids, and one was utterly foul mouthed. These kids were also the ones who tried to shove the toddlers out of the way on the climbing frame, were clambering the wrong way up the slide, not waiting their turn or yelling at/pushing my DS and his friends if they tried to go in the play house. They took no notice of me when I suggested they wait. One picked up my son's toy and pulled the string so hard he broke it, then just chucked it down and ran off laughing. Obviously they weren't all like this, but a significant number were.

In contrast, the prep school kids we met were universally respectful and friendly to the toddlers, waiting their turn and not sliding into the child in front, one said sorry when he ran into my buggy and they generally seemed to be playing much more nicely together and have more social awareness.

AIBU to want to send my DS private after witnessing this or am I just not used to 4-7 year olds and this is normal? Ive looked on the prep school website and we could just about afford it if we scrimped and saved.

OP posts:
downgraded · 26/06/2015 14:04

My employers (law) always said they looked for someone who could be left on an overnight flight with a client ie a good conversationalist, normal, sensible, friendly person.

I don't think they worried too much about accent!

LibrariesGaveUsPower · 26/06/2015 14:05

Haha downgraded. Mine used trapped in a lift!

KayAdams · 26/06/2015 14:08

Is it Microsoft of Google who used to ask their favourite question: "Why are the best man hole covers round?"

LibrariesGaveUsPower · 26/06/2015 14:11

Don't know but sounds Googly from the other stuff I've heard of their recruitment.

holmessweetholmes · 26/06/2015 14:34

Haven't rtft, but my years of experience of working in state schools and private schools entirely backs up the OP's observations. It's an unpopular view, and it is most unfortunate, but that doesn't mean it's not largely true. Obviously there are also lots of nice, well-behaved kids in state schools. I hope my dc are among them, as I cannot afford to send them to private school.

The difference in behaviour and manners between the private school I worked in and the many state schools I've worked in (several of them 'outstanding' - not that that makes much difference! ) was huge. Really really huge.

Emergencynumberbee · 26/06/2015 14:39

The difference in behaviour and manners between the private school I worked in and the many state schools I've worked in (several of them 'outstanding' - not that that makes much difference! ) was huge. Really really huge.

It's been pointed out by a lot of people on this thread that private school kids of secondary school age are often extremely badly behaved, just behind the scenes. They know what public persona is expected of them, but that doesn't mean they're not as wild, if not wilder.

LotusLight · 26/06/2015 14:43

There may be some less academic drug addicted wild ones in private boarding schools but not that I have seen. My sons just did GCSEs. There really are none of their friends at all who er badly behaved behind scenes or otherwise. They are just nice polite hard working boys who know the sacrifices their parents are making to afford school fees.

LotusLight · 26/06/2015 14:45

The lift/plane tests are fascinating because if you want colleagues you like to talk to or with whom you have things in common and ditto with clients then you probably wants someone who communicates well whether it's about football or whatever - who can find that one thing they have in common with anyone. So that requires some general knowledge and perhaps some variety of hobbies so whoever you are with you have something to say. I notice amongst my older children's potential employers and the children's friends some companies seem keen to recruit people who do team sports for some reason although I am on a committee where a lot of us sing in a choir so who knows what are the hobbies which bind us to others and in some jobs it doesn't matter to much. Ability to walk is presumably the key skill required of my son in Royal Mail.

downgraded · 26/06/2015 14:49

So Lotus presumably you can see that people who fit the bill according to your post of 14:45 could come from state or private school?

I went to private school. We were definitely wild behind the scenes :)

All got exams, all got to Uni etc, but lots of drugs, lots of sex, lots of partying, lots of doing stupid things I would probably now regret if I could remember them....

Not public school, just common or garden private day school.

CoffeeBeanMonster · 26/06/2015 15:06

If you can afford it, send your child to private school. I would if I could.

I wouldn't bother wasting my time comparing the behaviours of state and privately educated children. As many posters have stated, there are well and badly behaved kids in both.

holmessweetholmes · 26/06/2015 15:09

Fair enough Emergencynumberbee, but that's not been my experience. Who knows what any teenagers get up to behind closed doors, but the OP was about the behaviour she'd seen in public, and certainly the private school kids I've taught have been generally, on average, far better behaved and more polite in school, on trips and generally out and about than the state school ones.

Emergencynumberbee · 26/06/2015 15:10

Oh bog off Lotus, I was at a state comp with a 30% GCSE pass rate and I got a first from a good university. A lot of it is down to parenting and the individual child you know.

DP and I could afford to send our DC to private school, we choose not to.

WhoreGasm · 26/06/2015 15:19

No one can truly know what goes on behind closed doors. I'm under no illusions. It's likely that some of my DD's school friends come from homes where alcohol abuse might be an issue, or their parents still enjoy recreational drugs at the weekend. Just normal issues.

But despite this most likely being the case for some of them, their general behaviour and social skills are still lovely.

And if they do it only 'just because they know it's expected of them' then that's absolutely fine by me.

sugar21 · 26/06/2015 15:25

I went to a private girls school from 11-18 and had to board. It was awful until we discovered that we could "abscond" after lights out. We didn't give a jot about educational matters all we thought about was getting through the day and getting out at night. We had a giggle with the local boys and smoked, drank and had sex. Got caught eventually, good while it lasted though. So I don't think there was a lot of difference between us and the girls at the comp, looking back we were worse.Still my friends and I got through our exams just. Because my school was in the west I picked up the dialect and would deliberately speak with it to annoy everybody. So I do not think fee paying schools make a lot of difference as it is what's at home that prevails.I hated my parents for sending me away to school.

derxa · 26/06/2015 16:10

What a lot of ridiculous generalisation on here plus great dollops of snobbery and reverse snobbery. Every child is different and every school is different and the idea is to find the best fit. You need to do your research.
On my travels as a supply teacher/full time teacher/SALT, I have worked in
many an educational setting. Some private schools are terrible/produce entitled rude children and ditto state schools. The worst scenario is where the child does not fit the school/provide for her/his needs.
If the OP has the money to send her dcs to private school and it's a good school for them then she can do what she likes. Having said that, I think the OP is a load of goady rubbish.

Mehitabel6 · 26/06/2015 16:57

I have been out all day and this thread hasn't moved on to anything sensible. Still good for a laugh!

Sparklingbrook · 26/06/2015 17:04

I am tempted to hide it now Mehitabel. my bingo card is nearly full.

Mehitabel6 · 26/06/2015 17:21

I think it is a full house- all prejudices aired. I can't think of any not mentioned, but I could be proved wrong.

Mehitabel6 · 26/06/2015 17:22

A bit Edwardian too- nothing matters as long as it is hidden away.

Sparklingbrook · 26/06/2015 17:35

I will split the jackpot with you Mehitabel. Pub?

TheoreticalOrder · 26/06/2015 17:43

I'm really confused WhoreGasm I thought you just said on another thread your DC go to grammar. Last time I looked granmar schools weren't independent Confused

Mehitabel6 · 26/06/2015 18:01

Wine cheers Sparklingbrook.

Mehitabel6 · 26/06/2015 18:02

It is the first thread where I have been tempted to say 'bring out the popcorn'!

SarfEasticatedMumma · 26/06/2015 18:06

My DD is in a state primary in Lahndahn Taaarn, and the manners of her peers are really good. The head insists upon it. I have been on school trips with her class and they are all very good. Don't let some naughty kids put you off state education.

SarfEasticatedMumma · 26/06/2015 18:08

Has bonsoir graced us with her presence yet?

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