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AIBU to want to send my DC to private school after seeing kids in park?

463 replies

Fishnchipsagain · 24/06/2015 19:16

DS is 2 so schools haven't really been on our radar yet. But the local primary is rated Outstanding so we just assumed he'd go there in due course.

This afternoon we met some friends at a park at 4pm. The park is close both to the state primary and local prep but is not one we usually go to (and we normally avoid parks at school turning out time).

The park is big but was packed with school children most of whom looked about 7 or younger, so was pretty chaotic. Most of the kids were dressed in polos and shorts or summer dresses and looked pretty much the same. However I rapidly realized that the children in one uniform were generally behaving far better than the others, so I looked at the uniforms to see which schools the kids attended.

There was a lot of pushing and shoving between the primary school kids, and one was utterly foul mouthed. These kids were also the ones who tried to shove the toddlers out of the way on the climbing frame, were clambering the wrong way up the slide, not waiting their turn or yelling at/pushing my DS and his friends if they tried to go in the play house. They took no notice of me when I suggested they wait. One picked up my son's toy and pulled the string so hard he broke it, then just chucked it down and ran off laughing. Obviously they weren't all like this, but a significant number were.

In contrast, the prep school kids we met were universally respectful and friendly to the toddlers, waiting their turn and not sliding into the child in front, one said sorry when he ran into my buggy and they generally seemed to be playing much more nicely together and have more social awareness.

AIBU to want to send my DS private after witnessing this or am I just not used to 4-7 year olds and this is normal? Ive looked on the prep school website and we could just about afford it if we scrimped and saved.

OP posts:
NinkyNonkers · 26/06/2015 07:22

I'm quite posh. Still wouldn't send my kids private unless their particular circumstances dictated it.

I will say, that in my experience state ed is more about providing the basic academic type education so kids can go out and work. Public school was heavily academic, but broader as well, more concerned with raising an adult with a wide set of skills and approach to life. We did a lot of public speaking, debating, charity work, horticultural/agricultural work.

NinkyNonkers · 26/06/2015 07:23

I think LL is Xenia, same number of kids, island etc.

Denimwithdenim00 · 26/06/2015 07:25

My children did all that too though Ninky at their outstanding comp.

Public speaking, charity work, yes and more.

It really depends in the school. There are some awful private schools and equally awful state and viva versa.

You can't generalise.

keeptothewhiteline · 26/06/2015 07:25

Some people who can easily afford private education still send their kids to state school. J K Rowling for instance.

There must be a reason for this.

Mehitabel6 · 26/06/2015 07:29

Of course it is Xenia- there can't be two people with that posting style!

Denimwithdenim00 · 26/06/2015 07:30

I particularly liked lotus posts. Very very good value.

Poor accented teacherswas perhaps my favourite phrase for a few reasons.

GoStraightGoStraight · 26/06/2015 07:38

She definitely is. It's a clear as a bell. You can name change all you like but if you still post the same bizarre nonsense it will shout your identity from the rooftops.

GoStraightGoStraight · 26/06/2015 07:46

She's like a charicature. I'm never sure whether her whole persona has been about playing one big wind up on MN or whether she really is that lacking in emotional intelligence in real life. Still, they do say that sociopaths often make the most successful business people. She has an oddly robotic writing style as well, never engages, never listens, just sticks her fingers in her ears and spouts her tunnel visioned claptrap on a loop. She must be an absolute joy to work for/with. Hmm

JasperDamerel · 26/06/2015 07:47

This week my children at a state primary have met their MP to ask support the "send my child to school" campaign which the school council have been involved in, taken part in an inter-house sports competition, represented their city in a regional competition for sport, taken part in extra-curricular athletics, gymnastics, art, gardening, newspaper club and choir (admittedly the choir is not tackling particularly hard pieces of work) and probably lots of other interesting stuff they haven't mentioned. I've worked in both state and private schools and I think that the main difference is that the private schools are far, far better resourced than the state schools. I find the teaching in state schools is generally a bit better. There are difficult children in both, but the independent schools tend only to admit the children they think that they will be able to support appropriately.

Mehitabel6 · 26/06/2015 08:03

I love a good debate in education but this is not it!
I shall take my own advice and 'smile, nod, ignore'.

NinkyNonkers · 26/06/2015 08:08

Thats why I said 'in my experience'. The public school I went to offered all those things as standard and we were expected to do them. They weren't an optional extra. The outstanding comp I taught in offered help with public speaking for 6th formers but it wasn't formal or compulsory. I am not anti state, my kids will be state educated unless circs dictate otherwise.

AndyWarholsOrange · 26/06/2015 08:27

I went to a private school for the last 3 years of primary. My grandad paid the fees as we moved and I just couldn't settle and was being bullied. We lived in a 3 bed semi while most of my friends lived in country estates. When a friend's mum came to collect her from a play date, she surveyed our house and said , 'Gosh, what a lovely annexe!'

sunshield · 26/06/2015 08:32

Nothing highlights the rubbish 'Lotus light' sprouts than the news that two Perse school (Cambridge) Sixth Formers stole artifacts from 'Auschwity' !

This proves behaviour ,expectations and general awareness of the world has nothing to do with what school or education you recieved.

MrsFring · 26/06/2015 08:41

My three have attended a total of 11 schools both here and in other European countries, state and private. my youngest goes to quite a well known private school, her class had a careers day yesterday ( she's year 9) and they were asked to name their aspirations; almost all of them said that they wanted to be rich. Not police officers, teachers, doctors, just rich. I'm not pleased with this piece of information.

sunshield · 26/06/2015 08:41

Andywarhols. Really are people that 'Stupid' about the world, or just being 'Rude' and dissimisive . The educations they recieved can't have been very good if they have no conception of life outside their own bubble.

The best solution is grammar schools, offering at least a reflection of real life, 'middle class' lifes . I agree more needs to be done to get bright children from poorer backgrounds in to them. However though far from perfect grammar schools at least are there for 'relatively' normal people and families.

Lancelottie · 26/06/2015 09:47

If you want the strong accented teacher who scraped into an ex poly and yes managed to pass their PGCE...

Yep, I do want her. She's Irish to her bones, a brilliant musician and really good fun. She has spurred lazybones DD into some actual enthusiasm for work. I really hope DD has her again next year.

LotusLight · 26/06/2015 13:33

We all get out choice so are all happy then.

Those who think their local comp produces the kind of child they want and those tho think the top 10 academic private school does can all go away happy.

(I have never voluntarily name changed on a website by the way)

LotusLight · 26/06/2015 13:34

But don't assume there is no posh test in some better paid jobs. It's partly why companies can like an initial telephone interview so get with that elocution programme.

downgraded · 26/06/2015 13:37

Lotus you are talking out of your arse.

KayAdams · 26/06/2015 13:38

keeptothewhiteline JK Rowling sends her kids to the same school as a friend of mine. And it's definitely private. Sorry!

Kids are kids, wherever they're sent to school and, more importantly, it all boils down to how they are brought up by their parents. A friend of mine has just told me that a new boy is starting in her son's class next term and the new boy has been excluded from all his local primary schools. Dad has tattoos all the way up his neck. Grandparents won the lottery and can now afford school fees and the kid is going private.

So you see, look at the parents before you judge the kids.

KayAdams · 26/06/2015 13:40

Oh, and OP - my brother went to one of the most prestigious schools in the country and he has a 2 year old son. My nephew is a spoilt, violent, hyper-active, disobedient little brat because they choose not to discipline him.

LibrariesGaveUsPower · 26/06/2015 13:50

But don't assume there is no posh test in some better paid jobs. It's partly why companies can like an initial telephone interview so get with that elocution programme.

Well those are pretty shitty employers then. I worked in the City for 10 years and my firm had a great diversity of both accents and educational backgrounds (up to University level. The pool of universities represented was small). As did almost every firm I negotiated with on deals.

Maybe law is a bastion of inclusiveness, but I'd be doubtful.

Littleham · 26/06/2015 13:57

get with that elocution programme okeydoke

The like rain in Spain innit stays mainly on the you know like plain my luvvers.

The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain.

The precipitation in Andalusia is deposited mainly on the sodding plain.

KayAdams · 26/06/2015 14:00

I think employers are look for the following conversation:

"Where is the rain?"
"In Spain."
"Where does it rain?"
"Mainly on the plain."

Rather than...

"Where is the rain?"
"Where is the rain?"
"Do you know what rain is?"
"Um...... you know... er.... yes, .like ... errr.."

I don't think they really care about any accent to be honest.

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