AIBU to want to send my DC to private school after seeing kids in park?

[Fishnchipsagain]

DS is 2 so schools haven't really been on our radar yet. But the local primary is rated Outstanding so we just assumed he'd go there in due course.

This afternoon we met some friends at a park at 4pm. The park is close both to the state primary and local prep but is not one we usually go to (and we normally avoid parks at school turning out time).

The park is big but was packed with school children most of whom looked about 7 or younger, so was pretty chaotic. Most of the kids were dressed in polos and shorts or summer dresses and looked pretty much the same. However I rapidly realized that the children in one uniform were generally behaving far better than the others, so I looked at the uniforms to see which schools the kids attended.

There was a lot of pushing and shoving between the primary school kids, and one was utterly foul mouthed. These kids were also the ones who tried to shove the toddlers out of the way on the climbing frame, were clambering the wrong way up the slide, not waiting their turn or yelling at/pushing my DS and his friends if they tried to go in the play house. They took no notice of me when I suggested they wait. One picked up my son's toy and pulled the string so hard he broke it, then just chucked it down and ran off laughing. Obviously they weren't all like this, but a significant number were.

In contrast, the prep school kids we met were universally respectful and friendly to the toddlers, waiting their turn and not sliding into the child in front, one said sorry when he ran into my buggy and they generally seemed to be playing much more nicely together and have more social awareness.

AIBU to want to send my DS private after witnessing this or am I just not used to 4-7 year olds and this is normal? Ive looked on the prep school website and we could just about afford it if we scrimped and saved.

theoretical see it's interesting to me if people genuinely think that private school kids are naturally more polite and well behaved, because it was always accepted where I grew up that they were the absolute worst for getting into trouble behind their parents' backs!

they also had more money so could do more stuff, IYSWIM. we didn't have money for booze or fags or drugs.

obviously this is much a sweeping generalisation as saying all state school pupils are rough etc etc. this has just been my experience, that's all.

If you want entitlement, snobbery, drugs and underage sex your local public secondary may be the way to go. I had a cracking time. ;-)

DH and SIL were both privately educated. They come from a fairly wealthy background and had an high standard of living as children.

DH is exceedingly well-mannered, has endless respect for others and has a moral compass Jesus would've been chuffed with. SIL has the morals of an alley cat, the manners of a rum-soaked sailor and the etiquette of Lily Savage pissed on Lambrini. Schooling only gets you so far, I tend to believe nature and parenting have a huge impact too. And it's also why I've chosen to send the DCs to our little local primary school, and look into privately schooling them when they reach high school.

I had an assisted place to a private school - lasted 3 years before the bullying drove me back to state school. Don't assume for one second that private = polite/respectful/kind.

exactly Breaca, it totally depends on the school and the individual kids/parents.

I would agree bakedappleflavour - but I do think that those from private schools are better at hiding it and showing a good face in public. I have been very shocked by some who are privately educated when they think no one is noticing.

SIL has the morals of an alley cat, the manners of a rum-soaked sailor and the etiquette of Lily Savage pissed on Lambrini.

Anyone else rather want to meet Snapes's SIL? Maybe not at school, though :)

It crossed my mind, JonSnow - but definitely at a distance!

No school will turn your child into a good person. That's beyond a school's gift. You can seek out a school that will help inculcate certain manners and mores that you as a parent may feel are important. Manners and certain other cultural norms are only surface things, but they can be extremely important if you want to launch your child into certain jobs/industries. (Think banker, accountant, doctor, corporate manager,etc.).

I am sure this sounds "square " but I meet an awful lot of parents in real life you are very focussed on cultivating this in their children and take it very seriously.

What is the point of education then? If teaching is reduced to how to explain anything without necessarily knowing a lot about it. If hairdressers raise hairdressers and academics will raise academics. It's quite a medieval attitude.

Parents are the greatest influence on children.

the point of education (IMO) is to equip a child for its adult life while allowing that child the freedom to be whatever he/she wants to be.

My problem is that schools usually have a fairly rigid view of what sort of young adult all their children should be. Private schools in particular Westminster = politicians, Eton = Army officers, Millfield = athletes. And with the diverse nature of kids this just isnt feasible, so some kids will totally fail in any given school. This is why I said earlier not all schools suit all children.

Ideally a school would encourage individualism and give the children the confidence, social skills, and IMO, to a lesser degree an academic education, to pursue their dreams.

If you have a group o f parents probably both working hard full time in professional jobs paying a small fortune to fund school fees and compare that with parents at your local comp where some will be in prison, some children who are in care, some parents not interested in education, some children whose parents cannot even guarantee to get them to school every day and some with an IQ sub 100 of course you are going to get worse behaviour in the state schools.

However those more than happy with the state system that's fine -you can go away content and those of us who pay fees and feel it buys us better teachers, better teaching, better behaved children and the rest then that's good too. I actually want bright teachers who went to the best universities and ideally speak well and have high ambitions and I tend to see those more in the private sector. Most teachers in the academic day private schools have a PGCE plus a good degree in their subject from an RG university if not Oxbridge. I f you want the strong accented teacher who scraped into an ex poly and yes managed to pass their PGCE then you will find large numbers of those in the state system.

Lotus what a fucking snobby post. I've met some 'well spoken' people who are absolute thickos. And 'heavily accented' people who are exceptionally clever. On what planet is your accent an indication of intelligence? I have a 'lite' east end accent, a first class degree from a RG university and an MA. So your stereotypes can go fuck themselves.

Oh dear God Lotus.

Can I just say now that as an ex private school pupil, and current private school teacher with a kid in private school, I really don't align myself in any way with what Lotus posts?

Lotus please stop posting on this thread, for my sake

So I think it must be a small miracle that you came out of the state system Lotus?

True though..... and 80% of some of the best careers recruit people from Private schools who pass the posh test. Posh rules in every sense. (Yes I went to a fee paying school from age 4 to 18).

Oh do fuck off.

What you gonna do when your posh kids have to mix with the plebs in the real world then Lotus?

My dp has spent every day this week teaching 16 year old boys, on a residential trip to this area, their level 2 power boating.

He's had two different groups. The first group were awful. Rude, disrespectful, not listening to him, think they know it all and quite honestly he could quite happily have shoved them off the boat at high speed.

The second group have been lovely. Have learned more in two hours than the first lot did in two days, have been polite, listened and he's really enjoyed his time with them.

Both groups were from harrow school, an extremely expensive private school.

So don't assume private education, even one where fees are £30k a term, buys manners or good behaviour.

That comes from the parents.

Yikes Lotus, you don't have a mother called Xenia do you?

Lotus always posts with this much, er, bluntness. She has a very distinctive style and enjoys doing so.

Hahaha, YABU

I teach in a private prep.

Incident reports this week include a child who called another one a fucking bitch, a child who pushed another child into a wall and held them there, a child who bit another child and a child who had to be physically restrained by a staff member.

3 of the children in all of that have additional needs, 3 of them have a very difficult home background, 1 of them is of an ethnic minority and 2 of them come from financially deprived backgrounds.

You can't necessarily 'avoid' any group/type of people by your choice of school. Nor should you be able to.

We once had a parent who wrote to the head after a fight in a certain year group complaining that her children shouldn't be expected to mix with the [insert race here] children from the estates of [insert city here] - the head replied to say that he completely agreed with her and she had obviously chosen the wrong school!

The majority of our children are wonderfully behaved, lovely children - as they are in most schools, I'm sure. Even our 'challenging' children are lovely a lot of the time - as I'm sure these children in the park are. We're talking about children under the age of 13 for goodness sake!

Homeschool them, then they will turn out like you ????????????

I love a good comedy thread.