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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel like my friend is taking advantage - wedding rant

111 replies

Bromz · 24/06/2015 13:57

Getting married in a few weeks and I wanted to get a few gifts for my bridesmaids etc. Love the idea of homemade things so my colleague who is also a good friend offered to make some bracelets and necklaces for me....when I say "make", I mean thread on some beads etc.

I happily agreed to it as I know she's trying to start up a little business and I'm busy enough as it is. Last night she messaged me with the cost for 5 bead bracelets and 3 necklaces. Baring in mind that there is no real making, just putting some beads on some elastic and putting some small pendants on cheap chains (we even looked at the bits and pieces on ebay so I know they were all dirt cheap!) she was overly sickeningly nice in her message and said she could do everything for a mere £130!!!!!! AIBU to think that she is really taking the p*ss? How do I backtrack and tell her to not bother without offending her?!

OP posts:
Lndnmummy · 24/06/2015 18:26

Me and my ds sometimes make bracelets together. It takes about 10 monutes

snowglobemouse · 24/06/2015 18:29

maybe you could procrastinate without being a dick? just a thought

Birnamwood · 24/06/2015 18:42

Op, can you pm me please :)

CrystalCove · 24/06/2015 18:51

It would all depend on whether it really is just a case of out a few beads on a chain or if it's a bit more than that really.

RachyRoo89 · 24/06/2015 18:55

This reply has been deleted

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cantbelievemyeyes · 24/06/2015 18:59

If it's more than you want to pay then fine, you aren't obligated to buy from her and a polite 'no thanks, we don't have the budget for that I'm afraid' or some such will be fine. I'd say YABU to say she's taking the piss- it's her business so she can set her prices as she sees fit. It would have been helpful to give you an estimate initially so you could see if you were on the same page before working out a detailed quote.

Most people grossly undercharge for hand made items and so around £16 per piece will seem extortionate to many people. It depends what srt of quality that £16 buys you, but it's not out of the realms of the ordinary in my experience. I've closed my business now but made bridal accessories for several years, and had no trouble selling at that sort of price. Yes some people sell for much less, but this was my full time business and sole income so I sold for a price that my customers would pay, and made it worth the time and effort for me.

Swarovski pearl bracelet with silver plated clasp (sterling silver cost more)- my selling price was around £18 exc. postage. Broken down roughly as follows:

Materials cost (Swarovski pearls, stringing material, clasp, extender, other findings)- £4
Good quality jewellery box, anti tarnish tab, ribbon etc £2
Postage costs to me of having supplies delivered- varied from £0 if I happen to have everything in stock (rare!), up to maybe £7 if I need a couple of things so I averaged it out to £2 per item.
My time in making it (includes time spent liaising with customer re: colour choices, obtaining wrist measurement, sourcing/ ordering supplies, making the item, taking it to the post office etc)- £10 (my hourly rate- though the actual time taken for all of this, start to finish, would rarely be as little as an hour)
Total £18 (I'd then have around £1 in costs such as paypal fees and product liability insurance).

Heels99 · 24/06/2015 19:01

I think you could get nicer things cheaper. My dds have loads of beady bracelets they are not particularly valued items. If you want beads you csn get personalised ones cheap on ebay

SoldierBear · 24/06/2015 19:28

I dont think you are BU.
Threading three charms onto a chain is not a skill nor is it time-consuming.
£16.24 sounds an awful lot for what is essentially "cheap and cheerful" jewellery.
WHile you and I think your friend is over-estimating what her design skills and time are worth, she clearly thinks differently.
So, politely thank her for the estimate and say that as your maximum budget is £X you are going to explore other options.

silveroldie2 · 24/06/2015 19:38

expatinscotland
"Don't give your bridesmaids such naff gifts"

^ I really agree - If I received a bracelet made of elastic with a few beads on it as a bridesmaid gift, it would get slung in the bin.

VelvetRose · 24/06/2015 21:01

Blimey, some rude responses. A bridesmaids gift is a token surely! No one is expecting a massive valuable item. Most people, especially kids, love being a bridesmaid so they hardly need a huge gift as well!

I think the thing is OP has said she's looked at the bits and bobs that these things are made of and they are very cheap therefore she knows that this price is steep. I very much doubt her friend will sell many pieces of she carries on like that.

maddening · 24/06/2015 21:06

Ask for a breakdown of the costs.

maddening · 24/06/2015 21:12

Can'tbelievemyeyes - so if it were one customer and one lot of customer liaising/buying/postage then it would be £8 per item, plus say £20 for 2 hours work and then postage - so op would pay £84 plus postage.

Plus we know that the friend has gone for dirt cheap pendants as op saw what she was buying on eBay plus this is a friend. This woman is taking the piss.

DandelionDaydream · 25/06/2015 23:38

The op has stated that these beads are just a little extra and she already has the main present. But even if they were the main present I didn't realise that there were rules on how much you had to spend, surely its the thought that counts.

From what you have described OP I wouldn't be happy to pay that amount when you could get bead bracelets and costume jewellery much cheaper.
I get that she is trying to start up a business but at that mark up I cant see that she will get many customers.
I would feel guilty charging a friend that much so would only charge for the actual costs of materials tbh, especially if it were for her wedding. But maybe that's just me.

I would just apologise profusely and state that her prices are way more that you were willing to spend.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/06/2015 23:44

Seems very steep for what you describe. Just say thanks but it's way out of your budget.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/06/2015 23:45

YANBU at all. The time a person takes to make something is immaterial if the net result isn't something that is worth the money charged for it. There are lots of people trying to make money with plastics/beads/threading and it doesn't look great IMO. I would happily pay £££ for something that is unique, special or worth the money. To pay ££ for something that is £ imported from China doesn't cut it as far as I'm concerned.

I wouldn't ask friends/colleagues for services or products in future, it never ends well.

HoldYerWhist · 25/06/2015 23:58

Fucking hell, cactus you're getting a bit over involved and weird!

Bromz just tell her that's nowhere near what you were planning to spend and leave it at that!

MakeItRain · 26/06/2015 00:05

If you want to back out without seeming too rude I would just say something like "oh I'm so sorry, we've just been told the cake/flowers/honeymoon/cars" are going to cost hundreds more than we anticipated so we're having to cut back everywhere else! Really sorry but thanks so much for looking into it"...

VanitasVanitatum · 26/06/2015 00:12

Does matter how much the OP has or earns, it matters if the friend is over charging - from the OPs description it sounds very much like she is.

I would simply say, gosh sorry that's more than I can spend on these, they aren't the main present.

VanitasVanitatum · 26/06/2015 00:14

doesn't matter

QuintShhhhhh · 26/06/2015 00:14

Lots of nice bracelets from accessorize! £6 and up!

FishWithABicycle · 26/06/2015 07:15

If you genuinely think the gifts are worth less than £16 each then don't pay that amount for them. But it would be very skinflint and naff to give gifts worth much less than this to your bridesmaids. Find something nicer which does look like it's worth the money and if you can't afford £15-£25 per item then fewer bridesmaids might have been appropriate. Beads on elastic cheap enough to fit your preconceptions are not going to be nice enough to be a good memento of the day.

I made a bead necklace once, trying to recreate this sort of style. As this one retails for £23ish I thought it wold cost about a tenner. But I needed more beads than I thought and although many of them were only a few pence I included several more expensive and more stylish ones in the design, and then needed a cord and end-pieces to attach together, and all told I was a bit shocked to discover I'd spent not far short of £40 on materials. If these bracelets are actually nice enough to be treasured and kept rather than discarded like last year's christmas cracker enclosure then I can well believe that £16 would be the right price for bespoke work even at mates rates.

firesidechat · 26/06/2015 09:10

I've only read the first two pages, but wanted to make a point anyway.

Handmade stuff is ridiculously undervalued. I don't make jewellery, but do hand make other things and I sold them at craft fairs and online for a couple of years. Not any more. To make any sales at all you virtually had to sell them at cost price and it's a rare customer who values time and talent.

Yet people will pay stupid money for a Pandora charm. How much do think it costs the company to make those? Peanuts I guess.

PatricianOfAnkhMorpork · 26/06/2015 12:05

Fireside Some of us do value handmade things but won't pay over the odds for something that has taken very little time/effort and cheap components to make.

I have a beautiful handmade necklace that I bought several years ago for quite a lot of money (£50+). I know there isn't another one like it as it was made specifically for me using silver wire, silver beads and semi-precious stones. She took time and effort to design and make it and its worth every penny.

However cheap plastic beads threaded onto a piece of elastic takes sod all time or effect and really isn't worth £16.

owlborn · 26/06/2015 12:18

As a suggestion, if you're really sure she's overcharging and it isn't difficult to do, why not say "no thank" to your friend and then order the beads and make them yourself, OP?

If it's very simple and requires minimal time and expertise, then that's fine. If it turns out to be more complex than you think, perhaps appreciate your friend a little more?

FeelingSmurfy · 26/06/2015 15:31

I asked a friend how much it would be for 8 beaded bracelets on elastic, she gave me a cost of £35 including postage. I did not expect mates rates (we aren't close, just friends on Facebook and send a Xmas card etc) I asked for a price first and was happy with the cost so said to go ahead with it. She sourced really nice beads and some clip on charms that went with the reason I wanted them (£2.50 for 10 on eBay I think). I asked her before and after receiving them if she was sure about the cost and she said yes.

It doesn't sound like you are getting anything more than I was getting with the bracelets and I was charged less than £5 each without mates rates (but discount for buying 8 the same)

I have numerous friends who sell on Facebook and I understand the costing and some customers really do take the piss and expect things for next to nothing, but I don't think that's the case here. I would polietly decline and get yourself over to eBay or Facebook and order from somewhere else