To feel like my friend is taking advantage - wedding rant

[Bromz]

Getting married in a few weeks and I wanted to get a few gifts for my bridesmaids etc. Love the idea of homemade things so my colleague who is also a good friend offered to make some bracelets and necklaces for me....when I say "make", I mean thread on some beads etc.

I happily agreed to it as I know she's trying to start up a little business and I'm busy enough as it is. Last night she messaged me with the cost for 5 bead bracelets and 3 necklaces. Baring in mind that there is no real making, just putting some beads on some elastic and putting some small pendants on cheap chains (we even looked at the bits and pieces on ebay so I know they were all dirt cheap!) she was overly sickeningly nice in her message and said she could do everything for a mere £130!!!!!! AIBU to think that she is really taking the p*ss? How do I backtrack and tell her to not bother without offending her?!

[LazyLouLou]

Oh! But if the cost of pieces was £40 then the usual end price could be 3 - 4 times that... depending on how she costs her projects.

I use a fairly standard pricing structure: double the component cost (so my design time, searching out the components and on costs like restocking is included), £10 pro rata per hour for my making time and 10% of my time for gas/electric etc.

So 30 mins making up £1 worth of goods would sell at 7.05, rounded up or I lose my % for utilities. So £7.10 - £7.50.

So your friend, with £40 stock, 8 pieces at 4 hours would be 80+40+4 = £124, rounded up.

She is pricing for business... see what she will gift you for mates rates. I would probably drop the doubling of the components and maybe some of my time. But for 8 pieces of handmade jewellery I would not go lower than about £60 for a friend.

[Bromz]

Thanks everybody, I just keep swinging between feeling miffed and then thinking oh just pay the woman. I think it's because I've seen what she does, the necklaces would take 5 mins max she's threading 3 small pendants onto pre made chains. The bracelets are for my nieces, just 5 small beaded bracelets on elastic nothing special but I guess probably time consuming! I just feel like she's taking advantage, maybe not after reading from fellow crafters. I always try to buy from cottage industries and I thought I would help her with her business....when she suggested budget I said keep it cheap! I feel like I'm being a right tight arse, these are not official bridesmaid gifts by the way just a little extra gift!

[CaptainSwan]

She's taking the piss, and I'm a crafter. Ave you SEEN the Facebook selling pages?? Some people are utterly deluded with the things they make and want to sell.

[plutonimum]

Oh, well, if that's her price, and you can't afford it, then that's that. Do tell her asap, though, or she might start buying materials, and you'll have an even bigger friendship headache!

[Bromz]

Thanks ladies. I just needed a bit of perspective...I'm trapped in wedding hell at the moment where you start accepting that things cost a fortune! I've stopped all rational thinking....
So thank you x

[VelvetRose]

I hear you! It's very tricky and I think sometimes it's even trickier when dealing with friends.

[LazyLouLou]

Ah, well if she is effectively 'knitting fog' she is taking the piss.

Had she been stringing, knotting, crimping etc then she would have been right in her pricing.

Knitting Fog:

1. The act of making a thing that no one in their right mind would want out of stuff no one has ever heard of
2. Making items with no aesthetic or monetary value and offering them for sale as though they are hitherto unknown Crown Jewels

Very popular on fb

[CakeLady1]

Oh dear, I can empathise with your situation.
Is there a way where you can do it yourself instead?
At least she's told you the price beforehand - an aquantaince gave us a ball-park figure for the canapés at our wedding then heavily increased it just days before, when it was too late to get them from anywhere else and I couldn't tell her to do one because it would make things awkward for DH. Some people just see weddings as cash cows; I hope your friend would not do the same.
Maybe just say as it's not the main present, your budget won't stretch that far...?

[contractor6]

I bought silver and crystal necklaces for much much less than that. Additionally I make jewellery at home and unless making with silver/precious stones she has a massive mark up (unless charging you for all tools, courses to make them etc) but this should be costs which are initially swallowed up by business.

[LazyLouLou]

Erm... including a little on every make is how such expenses get swallowed up in the business.... or it wouldn't be a business it would be one of those truly irritating 'hobbie businesses' which never charges a commercially viable rate, undercutting and devaluing those of us who are trying to make our living out of our makes.

[VelvetRose]

Well I guess if she normally sells them at that price and people DO pay that price for them then that's fair enough. You still dont have to buy them though.

[Bromz]

Thanks ladies, the thing is I could make them myself, anyone could! Honestly nothing remotely tasking. It's just so much harder with a friend! urgh!

[RattleAndRoll]

You'll be able to buy nicer gifts than beads on elastic for £16. I'd just reply something as above. Budget doesn't stretch that far, I'll look elsewhere, thanks anyway.

[Bromz]

Hahaha oooo harsh how do you know what I can and can't afford for my wedding simply because I won't spend £130 on beads!! The point I was trying to make is I am trying to help a friend with her business absolutely nothing to do with my budget! I have more than enough budget for my wedding thank you!

[DragonWithAGirlTattoo]

OP didnt say she couldnt afford them. she said she was surprised at how much friend thought they were worth - big difference

[Bromz]

Jesus, through scrimping and saving I have money saved for my wedding! someone saving for their wedding...who would have thought?! Doesn't everyone just have a few thousand left over every month?

[WhyAspoonCousin]

I make things for a living and it is for this reason I would never make things for a friend and charge them, I would always do it for free as a gift People undervalue handmade things, wether she is a professional artist or someone doing it as a hobby, if you asked her to do it, she quoted and you think it's not worth it (and you could do it yourself) so it ends there! It's not her fault!

[Bromz]

Why am I scrimping and saving? Because I'm a human being, I live in modern day Britain, I work 42 hours a week and pay nearly a £1000 in tax a month and once I've paid all my bills and childcare I'm not left with a huge amount I'm afraid. Plus I don't come from money, daddy isn't paying for this one I'm afraid!

[dressingpalette]

Of course you could do them yourself. So why don't you?

I could do the ironing and the cleaning myself, but I don't. I could have made dinner tonight, but I think I'll go out instead.

It's eight items op. She's not just buying stuff, she has postage to pay, costs to cover, her time etc. How much time do you think Topshop spends putting a ready made supplier pendant on a ready made chain before they flog it for £18? About 30 seconds.

What WOULD you pay for a necklace? Perhaps try and haggle to that.

[DragonWithAGirlTattoo]

doesnt everyone (normal) 'scrimp and save' and try and save money on weddings?

[SilverDragonfly1]

It's not realistic for someone starting out to charge loads for their time. I crochet sometimes and if I charged £10 an hour for my time no one would be able to afford my things. But I work from patterns written by someone else usually and I think that is the difference. If you are making everything, including patterns, beads, or whatever, it is worth a lot more as it is genuinely unique. Threading up some beads made by someone else isn't a skill worth pounds per hour.

[DragonWithAGirlTattoo]

"just putting some beads on some elastic and putting some small pendants on cheap chains (we even looked at the bits and pieces on ebay so I know they were all dirt cheap!)"

If the friend had just sent a msg about how much it was and the OP didnt know how much the materials cost, then it would be very different i think