To feel like my friend is taking advantage - wedding rant

[Bromz]

Getting married in a few weeks and I wanted to get a few gifts for my bridesmaids etc. Love the idea of homemade things so my colleague who is also a good friend offered to make some bracelets and necklaces for me....when I say "make", I mean thread on some beads etc.

I happily agreed to it as I know she's trying to start up a little business and I'm busy enough as it is. Last night she messaged me with the cost for 5 bead bracelets and 3 necklaces. Baring in mind that there is no real making, just putting some beads on some elastic and putting some small pendants on cheap chains (we even looked at the bits and pieces on ebay so I know they were all dirt cheap!) she was overly sickeningly nice in her message and said she could do everything for a mere £130!!!!!! AIBU to think that she is really taking the p*ss? How do I backtrack and tell her to not bother without offending her?!

[Mumoftwinsandanother]

What did you do in the end OP?

[RB68]

At that price not suprised. She is not costing it to true costs - ask her how much profit her business makes (for profit read salary for herself). We have our very own sweat shops here in the UK and its in all the homes of handmakers that undercharge for their makes but cause at least then it sells and funds their "hobby" business (read pays for the next lot of materials). Ask yourself how much you want to be paid for a days work and do some sums about how to fund a business that pays you that - don't forget insurance, stall costs, packaging etc. Then just go and get some nice ones from accessorize....and don't forget to read the price labels

[chewymeringue]

Knitting socks is considerably more involved than threading a few beads and a clasp. My friend makes jewellery like you describe op and sells it at craft fairs. It's gorgeous but the costs range from £2 to £8. That includes earrings, bracelets and necklaces. They absolutely do not take a long time to make, she's told me so! She sells absolutely loads.

[Theas18]

Oh yes prima 30hrs if you are good at it!

I made plain socks to raise funds for a choir tour after someone offered. she got the yarn ( so it was meh!) and gave me £20 a pair. Takes a week of knitting time to make them ( evenings /weekends) as it wasn't a " business" I thougt OK but when te 3rd pair were size 10 I closed my books!

[eddielizzard]

and expertise.

[eddielizzard]

yes - cabled socks do take a significant amount of work.

[Primafacie]

JD does it really take 30 hours to knit a par of socks?

[jdhforjc]

If this is her business she needs to buy product, pay for shipping, charge for hourly rates, and pay taxes for her business. I have people tell me all the time., "I can get socks at Walmart for $2.00." The going rate for handcrafted items is 3x's the supplies plus hourly. When I knit items for others the yarn alone is $20 to $85. Plus, the needles, markers and cost of the pattern. Socks take around 30 hours for a cable pair. I also owned a business at an amusement park. The rent was 35%-50% off of the top before our other expenses.
This is her job not a "hobby." She needs to make the items and have enough to replenish her stock to make more. The amount she charged is not extravagant. Just business. It is a custom order with custom prices, not made in a production line over seas somewhere by children or impoverished people.
And, the "sickeningly sweet" comment that she supposedly sent? There is nothing wrong with being sweet or nice. Sounds a bit "bridezilla" to me. Just say, "no thank you" I expected to pay less. You can go to a store and buy something, or you can purchase the product, pay for shipping and do it yourself! I hope this doesn't sound harsh. It is just the way it is for businesses now. It is hard to make a living with hand made custom items now-a-days.

[haveabreakhaveakitkat]

m.claires.co.uk/pws/ProductDetails.ice?ProductID=43011

[haveabreakhaveakitkat]

These are gorgeous. My dd has one. They do lovely gift boxes for £2. m.claires.co.uk/live-love-laugh-charm-bracelet/shop/fcp-product/28757

[The80sweregreat]

'Thanks for the quote, but its out of my budget im afraid. ' She is running a business so should be used to this response!

[FeelingSmurfy]

I asked a friend how much it would be for 8 beaded bracelets on elastic, she gave me a cost of £35 including postage. I did not expect mates rates (we aren't close, just friends on Facebook and send a Xmas card etc) I asked for a price first and was happy with the cost so said to go ahead with it. She sourced really nice beads and some clip on charms that went with the reason I wanted them (£2.50 for 10 on eBay I think). I asked her before and after receiving them if she was sure about the cost and she said yes.

It doesn't sound like you are getting anything more than I was getting with the bracelets and I was charged less than £5 each without mates rates (but discount for buying 8 the same)

I have numerous friends who sell on Facebook and I understand the costing and some customers really do take the piss and expect things for next to nothing, but I don't think that's the case here. I would polietly decline and get yourself over to eBay or Facebook and order from somewhere else

[owlborn]

As a suggestion, if you're really sure she's overcharging and it isn't difficult to do, why not say "no thank" to your friend and then order the beads and make them yourself, OP?

If it's very simple and requires minimal time and expertise, then that's fine. If it turns out to be more complex than you think, perhaps appreciate your friend a little more?

[PatricianOfAnkhMorpork]

Fireside Some of us do value handmade things but won't pay over the odds for something that has taken very little time/effort and cheap components to make.

I have a beautiful handmade necklace that I bought several years ago for quite a lot of money (£50+). I know there isn't another one like it as it was made specifically for me using silver wire, silver beads and semi-precious stones. She took time and effort to design and make it and its worth every penny.

However cheap plastic beads threaded onto a piece of elastic takes sod all time or effect and really isn't worth £16.

[firesidechat]

I've only read the first two pages, but wanted to make a point anyway.

Handmade stuff is ridiculously undervalued. I don't make jewellery, but do hand make other things and I sold them at craft fairs and online for a couple of years. Not any more. To make any sales at all you virtually had to sell them at cost price and it's a rare customer who values time and talent.

Yet people will pay stupid money for a Pandora charm. How much do think it costs the company to make those? Peanuts I guess.

[FishWithABicycle]

If you genuinely think the gifts are worth less than £16 each then don't pay that amount for them. But it would be very skinflint and naff to give gifts worth much less than this to your bridesmaids. Find something nicer which does look like it's worth the money and if you can't afford £15-£25 per item then fewer bridesmaids might have been appropriate. Beads on elastic cheap enough to fit your preconceptions are not going to be nice enough to be a good memento of the day.

I made a bead necklace once, trying to recreate this sort of style. As this one retails for £23ish I thought it wold cost about a tenner. But I needed more beads than I thought and although many of them were only a few pence I included several more expensive and more stylish ones in the design, and then needed a cord and end-pieces to attach together, and all told I was a bit shocked to discover I'd spent not far short of £40 on materials. If these bracelets are actually nice enough to be treasured and kept rather than discarded like last year's christmas cracker enclosure then I can well believe that £16 would be the right price for bespoke work even at mates rates.

[QuintShhhhhh]

Lots of nice bracelets from accessorize! £6 and up!

[VanitasVanitatum]

doesn't matter

[VanitasVanitatum]

Does matter how much the OP has or earns, it matters if the friend is over charging - from the OPs description it sounds very much like she is.

I would simply say, gosh sorry that's more than I can spend on these, they aren't the main present.

[MakeItRain]

If you want to back out without seeming too rude I would just say something like "oh I'm so sorry, we've just been told the cake/flowers/honeymoon/cars" are going to cost hundreds more than we anticipated so we're having to cut back everywhere else! Really sorry but thanks so much for looking into it"...

[HoldYerWhist]

Fucking hell, cactus you're getting a bit over involved and weird!

Bromz just tell her that's nowhere near what you were planning to spend and leave it at that!

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

YANBU at all. The time a person takes to make something is immaterial if the net result isn't something that is worth the money charged for it. There are lots of people trying to make money with plastics/beads/threading and it doesn't look great IMO. I would happily pay £££ for something that is unique, special or worth the money. To pay ££ for something that is £ imported from China doesn't cut it as far as I'm concerned.

I wouldn't ask friends/colleagues for services or products in future, it never ends well.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Seems very steep for what you describe. Just say thanks but it's way out of your budget.

[DandelionDaydream]

The op has stated that these beads are just a little extra and she already has the main present. But even if they were the main present I didn't realise that there were rules on how much you had to spend, surely its the thought that counts.

From what you have described OP I wouldn't be happy to pay that amount when you could get bead bracelets and costume jewellery much cheaper.
I get that she is trying to start up a business but at that mark up I cant see that she will get many customers.
I would feel guilty charging a friend that much so would only charge for the actual costs of materials tbh, especially if it were for her wedding. But maybe that's just me.

I would just apologise profusely and state that her prices are way more that you were willing to spend.

[maddening]

Can'tbelievemyeyes - so if it were one customer and one lot of customer liaising/buying/postage then it would be £8 per item, plus say £20 for 2 hours work and then postage - so op would pay £84 plus postage.

Plus we know that the friend has gone for dirt cheap pendants as op saw what she was buying on eBay plus this is a friend. This woman is taking the piss.