To feel like my friend is taking advantage - wedding rant

[Bromz]

Getting married in a few weeks and I wanted to get a few gifts for my bridesmaids etc. Love the idea of homemade things so my colleague who is also a good friend offered to make some bracelets and necklaces for me....when I say "make", I mean thread on some beads etc.

I happily agreed to it as I know she's trying to start up a little business and I'm busy enough as it is. Last night she messaged me with the cost for 5 bead bracelets and 3 necklaces. Baring in mind that there is no real making, just putting some beads on some elastic and putting some small pendants on cheap chains (we even looked at the bits and pieces on ebay so I know they were all dirt cheap!) she was overly sickeningly nice in her message and said she could do everything for a mere £130!!!!!! AIBU to think that she is really taking the p*ss? How do I backtrack and tell her to not bother without offending her?!

[dressingpalette]

Maybe your colleague is under similar financial pressure op and she can't afford to do you mates rates.

[RiderOfDragons]

Just buy on ebay or etsy. It's cheaper, you won't feel shafted and your mate doesn't get put upon- win win. Just send her a message back, thanks for the offer, I appreciate it but I'm going to have to go with a seller I've found online. I just can't afford that much right now.

[RiderOfDragons]

Two of my friends have businesses on etsy and ebay, one charges way too much for tat and tackiness and is always complaining she gets no business. The other charges a similar amount but her stuff is great quality and quantity- unsurprisingly she gets a lot of orders. Only you know if your friend is punching above her weight in regards to money and product but if you think she is then find someone else.

[VelvetRose]

I've pmd you Bromz.

[Fatmomma99]

Don't understand why you're getting so hostile, Cactus. OP is in a situation, feeling stressed and asked for advice. She's been given advice and is going to take the advice that suits her.

C'mon... she's planning a wedding. It's supposed to be exciting and nice and it's often v stressful. I don't think you need to be giving her such a hard time about how much she does or doesn't earn every month. Her finances aren't really any of our business, IMO.

Congrats on your wedding, Bromz.

[ratherhaveacupoftea]

I sell handmade jewellery on Etsy and they sound similar to the bracelets I make in 20 mins and sell for £4.99 each.

[pollyisnotputtingthekettleon]

Most people budget their wedding. If she has to suddenly pay out £130 for something worth a lot less than yes its completely reasonable to complain.

[expatinscotland]

Don't give your bridesmaids such naff gifts.

[CrystalCove]

If it's that easy and won't take much time then I don't see why you wouldn't make them yourself though.

[Fatmomma99]

If you like, Cactus. But I think you're being rather hostile and it's not really necessary.

[CrystalCove]

I actually feel a bit sorry for your friend now, people saying they aren't worth it without even seeing them - it's the same with cakes, a lot of people not recognising its not just the cost of ingredients but persons time etc to.

[CrystalCove]

I agree with you Cactus, the "a lot more accomodating" sounds to me that the OP was expecting her friend just to do it for the cost of materials.

[ButternutSquish]

Just a thought, how much per hour to do you think she should charge?

So cost of supplies, plus p&p, plus her time, plus some sort of profit...=£16ish. Doesn't seem very much to me.

She should of course discussed a price for each piece before making it, and you should have asked.

[haveabreakhaveakitkat]

Just say 'no thanks, that's more than I want to spend on Bridesmaids gifts' and get along to Claire's where I'm pretty sure they do pretty boxed jewellery gifts much cheaper. We got all my daughter's prom jewellery in Claire's and it's lovely!

[youareallbonkers]

Cheap chains and a few beads on bits of elastic? They sound lovely...buy them some proper gifts that they will use and enjoy

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

Only you know what they look like, and I agree that there's a big difference between high quality homemade items sold at a fair price, and a high number of awful (and expensive) stuff on FB.

You clearly don't think they're worth anything near £130, so you're in a slightly awkward position of telling your friend that you no longer want them. TBH if she's running a business, she should have given you a quote before buying resources. If she's already got the beads you could offer to buy them off her so she's not out of pocket and make your own?

It's always tricky when friends offer their skills and things are crystal clear about cost.

[LeopardIsTheNewBlack]

I think there's way too many people out there selling homemade items who don't seem to understand that your item is only worth what someone is willing to pay for it. The same people seem to think that their price is based on how much profit they would like to make and how much their time is worth per hour. How much is it worth to you, the buyer? Not really much when you can buy the same thing on eBay for much less.
I think it's always tricky buying something from a friend, because on one hand you want to support and encourage them but on the other hand you really don't want to spend that much on something that quite frankly is overpriced.
It's an awkward situation but I would let her know ASAP that you appreciate her time but the pieces aren't in your budget.

[snowglobemouse]

why do you give a shit cactus?

op yanbu

[purplishclouds]

I agree with previous posters , cactus is coming across very hostile. Are you the op's friend

[mandy214]

Has she already bought the materials? I think you need to price the friendship. If you were expecting maybe £60 or £70 and she's asking for £130, you're potentially falling out over £50 or £60. Is it worth it?

Also maybe you could make them yourself but this is your friend who you work with everyday and no doubt if you're weeks away from a wedding, you have better things you could be doing with your time!