To write to a death row inmate?

[FanfeckintasticFitbit]

This is something that's crossed my mind a bit in the past. I'm really interested in the lives of others and love books and documentaries about life behind bars.

I have a really happy and fulfilled life with DC and DP so it's not out of loneliness, I love to write but it's been years since I've written actual letters as everybody is online now.

Has anyone else ever written to someone in prison?

I've "chosen" a prisoner (because there are certain criminals I could absolutely not communicate with, child abusers etc) and have written a letter but I'd first like to get some experiences from anyone who has done similar?

Not weirdo murderer groupies, but genuine people who wish to offer non judgemental compassion to unpleasant, unlovable people

The OP has stated her motive as being 'interested in the lives of other people' and a fascination with books/documentaries about life in prison. That seems to add up to 'prison groupie' to me, rather than a wish to spread compassion and understanding.

how do you chose which victim is worthy?

The OP seemingly devised a strategy to decide which rapist/murderer was the most worthy, so I'd guess there's a way.

Well, having direct experience of very serious crime has informed my views somewhat. I think you'd have to be naive as fuck to even contemplate it and why anyone would want to take a step into that world willingly is far, far beyond me. I genuinely think that in the main people have no idea about the reality of criminality at that level and the vetting procedure for people who wish to engage with them should be very much more stringent.

So why couldn't victims do the same? 'Sign up for it'? There's an assumption there that prisoners/inmates/patients are somehow more needy and are likely to be happy to engage in this sort of correspondence.

This is a difficult thread to read. Of course there are quite a few innocent people on death row and about 330 have been exonerated. Not sure how many have been killed so it's not always that straightforward.

Might be worth OP following the work of Helen Prejean first if she wants to find out more about death row and possible miscarriages of justice which she might prefer to get involved with.

Yeah, I'm not sure there are too many victims of crime lining up for someone to get some kind of vicarious thrill out of them. Because that's basically what it is.

Gawker run a series called "Letters from Death Row" gawker.com/tag/postcards-from-the-edge There is often a disconnect between the suffering described in the letters and the deeds that got them on DR.

On reflection, I think it is good that there are people with compassion for those who many wouldn't, but on a personal level, I wonder what impact the letter writing might have.

If your Last post was directed at me, mrsdevere, I didn't say I'd worked with criminals, I said I'd met them. There's a difference. I have lived with the pain of losing a dearly loved sibling to the penal system, as have my family, and so this is an emotive subject for me. As depressed and bitter as my loved one became, he would have still recognised when he was being patronised. As I said before, where were the people 'reaching out' to him before he was in a high profile secure hospital?

My 15 year old dd has just had a three page letter from a death row prisoner she contacted a few weeks ago and is busy writing back.

She picked the most attractive one she could find from a sort of 'catalogue' of prisoners seeking pen pals.

He's a member of the Crips gang. Apparently he was convicted for shooting someone in order to steal the expensive tyre rims from his car.

Here is a charity in the UK which supports and trains you to a rite to prisoners.
Prison Fellowship

I have been seriously sexually assaulted twice, that hasn't stopped me from wanting to do this. I am not naive, I know the person who I will be writing to is highly unlikely to be an innocent victim of a miscarriage of justice, I still want to do it because I feel it will be worthwhile.

I am not doing it in the hope of finding someone to fall in love with, I can't imagine ever doing that. I also will not be offering 'comfort.' I hope to be offering a glimpse of the world beyond their prison walls, to make them remember that there is a world out there.

I do understand why people think it's a ridiculous idea and I do understand that nothing I say could convince them otherwise. People are different and think different things are worthwhile, it doesn't make any of us on either side of the argument stupid, naive, wrong or right or anything else, it just makes us different from each other. If we weren't then AIBU would be a very dull topic indeed.

dreaming I can appreciate what you're saying, all I would say is just beware of making any assumptions about what those people want or need.

For what it's worth, the cafe that was run by Friends of Broadmoor in the 1980's and provided corned beef sandwiches and coffee for visiting families between the morning and afternoon visiting times was run by angels. I am still so grateful.

Victim support is a paid job though, unlike letter writing so I'm not sure how comparable it is.
OP, you sound quite naive to be honest. I don't mean that nastily, I'm glad that you don't have the knowledge that I (for example) have. Can I suggest you start off by writing to a cause slightly less hardcore than death row and see how it feels? And agin I don't mean that to sound patronising - it's just you might get more than you bargained for and given your history it might be triggering for you.

MiniFingers, what is your daughter's reason for wanting to start up this correspondence?

"I'm surprised they allow 15 year olds to participate in this kind of programme."

Not sure she was asked her age.

The letters are all vetted by the prison staff before going out. I read the letter - there was nothing 'unsavoury' in it.

Not sure why she wants to correspond with a prisoner. I know she feels sorry for him.

minifingers you said she picked the most attractive person to write to. Is that a good motive? I'd be concerned, personally.

There was an article about women who write to death row prisoners in this weekend's Irish Times

Mini fingers - why don't you try parenting your daughters properly? I'm absolutely gobsmacked that you allowed this. She's 15, not 18. Unbelievably poor of you to stand back and let her choose the most attractive killer to swap cosy letters with. Are you mad ?

dreaming I'm not sure prisoners would want to be reminded that there is a world that they are missing out on. I mean, leaving out whether writing to them is the right thing to do or not, it seems a bit mean to describe a world that they are very unlikely to see again. Cruel, almost.

A 15 year old girl writing to the most attractive death row prisoner she could find is worrying.

Agree with you, repeat.