to ask what would you HONESTLY think?

[Flakedorreadyrubbed]

I'm 44 and a SAHM to 3 primary age children. My husband has a good job, we have a nice lifestyle and on the face of it I'm living off him to stay at home. I had a career before I had the children. Most people who know me think I'm a very fortunate housewife. As my youngest gets older I'm asked increasingly about when I'll go back to work. And here's the secret: I have a job. I have a hidden disability and my company pays me 2/3 of my salary if I'm unable to work in the job I'm employed to do, until retirement. (It's called permanent health insurance and is one of my company perks.)
Day to day I'm ok but I can't do my old job, and so that's why I don't go to work.

I don't tell anyone this in case they think I'm a malingerer or something. Tell me, what would you honestly think?

It wouldn't cross my mind to ask you anything about it op because it's not my business. Rude if anyone asks you.

I think it's because I'm still interested in the industry and still keep up to date, and occassionally do a bit of advisory/pro bono stuff, so I get asked mostly by other SAHMs from school when I'm going back. And of course the answer is secretly never. I agree in many ways I'm very fortunate.

If anyone persists then you could say you have a private income and attach a winning smile.

Honestly, I would think that they wouldn't pay out unless you were genuinely unable to work and it can't be easy for you (or anyone) living with a disability, hidden or otherwise.

Loving it, Donkeyoaty!

Lavenderice: remember this next time you think of judging someone on disability benefits. Not all disabilities are blatent and visable.

Children are only in school six hours a day, 5 days a week, 39 weeks a year. someone needs to look after them the rest of the time. The idea that both spouses 'should work' when all children are in school, if the money coming in from one spouse is more than sufficient, is ludicrous.

I would think nothing.
I can't get that invested in other people's private affairs .

Momagain1 I suggest you read my post again, the words I used were "who chose not to work" no judging of any disability there.

I get the hidden disability thing op. I'm off work today as my MS has made me so bloody tired. If anyone came round to check up on me they would have found me looking completely fine. I will be doing school run either end of the day too..
Although I'm unlikely to feel any better tomorrow I will go in as I know others will suffer as a result of me staying off.
That insurance sounds good !

I couldn't care less. The only time I would put my judgey pants on is if you looked down on a single parent that didn't work
You can't have one rule for one and one for another

Income protection insurance is a brilliant perk and good for your company for providing it. DH has a private policy taken through Aviva which costs him around £15 pm and will pay £1000 pm if he becomes too unset work.

I don't work because we decided I'd become a SAHM when we had children. I was supposed to have had a few more years in the workplace but we were blessed with a surprise pregnancy in my final year at Uni. I have only been in paid employment for around 1.5 years total - not including a Saturday job when I was at school and zero hour contract when I was at Uni (I'm 26 now)

We are expecting DC3 so I don't anticipate a return to work anytime soon.-

I have had many many comments re tax credits, living off DH etc however we are mortgage free and have literally more money than we can spend in savings (DH lost his folks when he was a teenager and they were insured to the hilt)

I don't care what people say: I am a super mum and a valid member of society. I'm even freeing up a job for a family who might really need it

Posted too soon; so, I would not judge you at all, and your "hidden disability" is your personal business as are you finances. I'm (sincerely) so happy for you that your "little perk" that probably didn't make you bat an eyelid when you signed the contract has ensured security for you all.

I would think 'Oh, OK'.

I'm an SAHM to a very small child and, for complex reasons, had to give up my old line of work before I even got pregnant. It was a very niche job and took a long time to train for. I get a lot of people asking me about my plans to work again, and DD'S still tiny. I imagine you get a lot of this, esp. now your kids are all primary age and your disability isn't 'obvious'.

It can feel like people are judging you, but often I think it's just an obvious topic of conversation. As for anyone who might actually judge, sod 'em

Well, given how hard insurance companies will try not to pay out, you clearly are unable to work if the insurers are willing to pay. I might have a little muse upon what the disability might be, as I'm in medical research and am interested in peoples' health (i'd be a bit shit at my job if I wasn't!).

FWIW, my DH does not currently work, does not suffer any type of disability and could be perceived as living off me. That's not how I see it - we're a family and the money is for all of us to live on I just wish he'd clean the bogs more often

I'd say, result. Hope your disability isn't too difficult in the rest of your life.

It's a perk from a private company, not a tax-paid pubic hand-out. Enjoy this and I hope you have a good life!:)

I have arthritis and my lower spine is degenerating which means I can't sit in the same position for very long. My old job involved loads of driving which I now can't do. But I can walk and drive short distances so long as I do my exercises and keep moving. My knees are on the way out too. I suspect it's no more than a lot of people deal with daily. And as a PP said, I didn't give this clause a second thought when I signed my employment contract.

OfaFrenchmind I also qualify for long term Incapacity Benefit. Not sure why that's different to a private scheme, especially given that I'm still paying a full NI contribution.

I'd think you were fortunate. And that it's not anyone's biz but your own

1.You are not living off your husband as a SAHM you are enabling him to continue his career to support your family unit.

1. You are not "unemployed" you are effectively in receipt of an ill health retirement pension.

Conclusion, right now you are contributing loads to the family financially and otherwise and I bet you would be worse off after tax and child-care if you were to work so you are making more of a contribution than if you were in paid work. The future- Will this payout continue after your state retirement age? Would you be able to support yourself in retirement or in the worse case scenarios if you are divorced or widowed?

lavender can i ask why you judge sahm, once their children start school, and they continue to stay at home, you think they should be working?

I'd think that you were very very lucky (not to have the disability of course, but not to have to deal with the financial stress that usually goes with disability.)

I'll admit to occasionally wondering about SAHMs to school age children - some fill their lives with all sorts and I think 'oh, how lovely, wish I could do that.' But others just seem to live for their children and have nothing else in their lives - I would find that very tough to cope with.

If I knew your circumstances, I would be genuinely pleased for you. Never pleased that you have arthritis. My mum was first diagnosed with osteoarthritis in her mid thirties in one knee. Now aged 70, she's had both knees and one hip replaced. Its in her spine too.

So I would be pleased for you that you had an insurance policy like you have. I can fully envisage the hoops the insurance company have made you jump through.

I would be pleased for you because the insurance means that you can focus on your health without the huge stress of financial concerns. And that you can still be involved in your career in a different way.

Personally I wouldn't ask. It's not any of my business whether you work or not, how you afford your lifestyle etc.