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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that 'Mid-life Ex-wife' is a very depressing column?

161 replies

grumpysquash · 20/06/2015 21:42

Published each week in the Sat Guardian (and online) by 'Stella Gray'. This lady is 50 and dating after a divorce. The guys she meets appear to be dreadful and rude and she has incredibly low self esteem. This week it was written to suggest that once the date saw her thighs (through her clothes), he clearly wasn't interested any more. And a couple of weeks ago she slept with a slightly younger guy (42) who afterwards (the same night) broke up with her by text saying that he felt in a different generation to her.
For some reason, I compulsively read it each week. But I want to cry sometimes. Surely dating at 50 isn't as bad as that (someone please tell me a nice story)? I have lots of friends who are over 50, lovely, engaging, funny and sexy. That is more usual, right????

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 20/06/2015 21:44

It's probably little to do with her age, and more to do with her shit taste in men.

Ask any woman, man or teenager for their dating horror stories, and I'm sure they could keep you entertained for hours.

Besides, "I met a really nice bloke and now we're dating", doesn't really make for an interesting column to be fair.

fastdaytears · 20/06/2015 21:49

YES! So depressing. If it's true, I'm not sure how she can bring herself to write all this in a national newspaper. Still hooked though.

Marc was a wrong un for sure and this Miles is not much better.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 20/06/2015 21:49

I am addicted to this. Having done OD a few years ago it really strikes a chord. I think I have met very similar characters. OD can be utterly soul destroying and possibly do more harm than good especially to more fragile, vulnerable people. I had a dreadful time doing it. I really feel for 'Stella'

60sname · 20/06/2015 21:51

I think she deliberately picks idiots to date to have column material. Either that or she is a drama llama with terrible taste in men to boot.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 20/06/2015 21:53

I think it is very easy to end up meeting idiots OD rather than it being bad taste in men.

WorraLiberty · 20/06/2015 21:56

I've never seen the column but would it really work if everyone was lovely and everything went swimmingly?

Sounds to me like she'd be out of a job.

CrystalHaze · 20/06/2015 21:57

I do find it depressing, but not for the same reasons. I read it most weeks but cannot work out why she's so hung up on meeting a man. Online dating doesn't seem to be working for her, so why doesn't she knock it on the head for a while, join a few different social groups/activities, enjoy life without s man for a bit, and see what happens after that?

On more than a few weeks I've suspected that it's heavily (if not entirely) fictionalised and highly agenda-ed.

Original poster
grumpysquash · 20/06/2015 22:20

I agree that it is fictionalised and that nice cheery stories don't make good reading. But she seems to have such low confidence about her body, that's the worst bit I think. Also that she needs to be validated by these guys.
If it was written by someone 'fabulous at 50' (irrespective of what they look like) who had a fairly catastrophic dating life, but who was genuinely laughing at it, the column would be fun to read and very engaging! I'm just not sure what it aims to achieve as it is......
Or AIBU? Maybe some folk really like it - please step forward :)

OP posts:
PrivatePike · 20/06/2015 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lagoonablue · 20/06/2015 22:28

She needs to forget about men and just get on with her life. She might find someone when she least expects it.

Susiesoop · 20/06/2015 22:49

I found this week's horrible - he made her walk to the station in the rain...I hope she ditches online dating and does some activity she finds enjoyable, I would still read! Ps Thought Marc was a weirdo. He rang alarm bells when he planned future dates before the first was done (which this week's date did too funnily enough). Odd. One of my must reads though (along with Annaliesi in the family section!)

WorraLiberty · 20/06/2015 22:56

Maybe it's just me, but some woman making a few quid out of spilling details about her online dating troubles, is really not my idea of a good read.

You could log in to MN or Facebook any day and read all that stuff.

Footle · 20/06/2015 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UterusUterusGhali · 20/06/2015 23:53

I don't like it. It's like the woman in the office who over-analyses every blood text these losers send.

I don't think OD is for her.

halfwildlingwoman · 21/06/2015 08:15

I too find it beyond depressing. I really want her to stand up for herself, or forget about meeting a bloke and just enjoy her freedom.

Footle · 27/06/2015 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IrenetheQuaint · 27/06/2015 21:25

Yes, I am worried she is losing it. Hopefully it's all made up.

TopazRocks · 27/06/2015 21:38

I've often thought it was made up - or at least exaggerated. Surely no woman is so desperate for a shag/a mate she'd put herself through all that. I've not read today's yet ....

Original poster
grumpysquash · 28/06/2015 16:15

I agree Footle, this week's is just terrible. I am now wondering if she lacks social awareness and actually can't judge what other people might be expecting (which might partly explain why all the dates are so bad).

I live in hope of the long article where we are introduced to the real 'Stella Grey' and find that she is lovely, happy, confident and a fiction writer.

OP posts:
Theycallmemellowjello · 28/06/2015 16:21

I really like that column but yes it is incredibly depressing. I have no experience of online dating and am younger than her but it does seem to be true that many men in their 40s plus prefer younger women. Older women are also not well represented in the media. I don't agree that Stella comes across as having low self esteem - I think it's important to discuss this issue with honesty.

MagpieCursedTea · 28/06/2015 16:21

Sounds a bit like their answer to the DM's Liz Jones!

larkspurr · 28/06/2015 16:33

grumpysquash, I have a vague memory of there being an article right at the start of the series, the week before the first column was printed, when she introduced herself and what the column would be about; a photo of her was even featured, I think. I can't find this anywhere now, though - am I imagining it?

ExConstance · 28/06/2015 17:09

I wasn't quite sure why she had sex with Marc (?) if she wouldn't let him look at her naked. That long white shirt she wore on dates when it might happen must have been a real passion killer. The men she choses to date all seem like no hopers to me. I work with someone 10 years older than "Stella" who seems to have met some quite nice peple and forged a relationship quite quickly on line.

TheHumblePotato · 28/06/2015 17:11

That column makes for such awful reading. I can accept that there is a degree of fiction but she jumps from one horrendous man to another in quick succession while in the meantime she's either undermining her self-esteem or feeling sorry for herself. She sounds unbearable to be honest. Online dating is a tough arena but some confidence wouldn't go amiss.

FinallyLearntToBudget · 28/06/2015 17:17

I think she's real because her twitter account seems to be full of her friends commiserating. I also agree that it's not surprising if her self-esteem is suffering a bit but she shouldn't be bashed for being honest about it.

It is very depressing and perhaps that's the reality for the kinds of situations she's describing? (Hoping it isn't, of course.)