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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think that 'Mid-life Ex-wife' is a very depressing column?

161 replies

grumpysquash · 20/06/2015 21:42

Published each week in the Sat Guardian (and online) by 'Stella Gray'. This lady is 50 and dating after a divorce. The guys she meets appear to be dreadful and rude and she has incredibly low self esteem. This week it was written to suggest that once the date saw her thighs (through her clothes), he clearly wasn't interested any more. And a couple of weeks ago she slept with a slightly younger guy (42) who afterwards (the same night) broke up with her by text saying that he felt in a different generation to her.
For some reason, I compulsively read it each week. But I want to cry sometimes. Surely dating at 50 isn't as bad as that (someone please tell me a nice story)? I have lots of friends who are over 50, lovely, engaging, funny and sexy. That is more usual, right????

OP posts:
SlaggyIsland · 12/08/2015 11:13

The link to that discussion forum was seriously repugnant. God they are so deluded - do they honestly not think women need to be attracted to someone physically too? Where do they get this bizarre notion that we're all essentially gold-diggers?
They're also in for a hell of a shock if they think there are bevies of young lovelies queuing up to date their middle-ages selves.
Yes some older men do indeed have younger partners but they generally have something to attract these partners. Few gorgeous young women are going to want to go out with some fat, bitter, divorced woman-hater living in a grubby little flat.

Fuckitfay · 31/08/2015 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MagicalRealist · 12/09/2015 08:35

Has anyone read today's column? Shock
Fgs HE IS NOT INTERESTED!!!
I'm cringing at how pushy and overbearing she's being.

wherethewildthingis · 12/09/2015 09:59

That's exactly what I thought!!! Poor man, leave him alone! Also-why on earth would he tell his son about her, and what is he meant to say?!

absolutelynotfabulous · 12/09/2015 10:34

She's so bloody needy! Get some dignity, ffs, Stella.

MrsHenryCrawford · 12/09/2015 10:44

Totally agree absolutelynotfabulous. Most of the time I want to shake her and tell her to stand up for herself

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 12/09/2015 10:49

She (if she's really like that) has no clue about how to deal with OLD and chases men in a most embarrassing way. She needs to have higher standards and bin men off much more quickly but again that wouldn't make good column.

absolutelynotfabulous · 12/09/2015 13:45

I'm her age, not OLDing but who knows in future? I SO don't want to approach things like her but, I dunno.....

She comes across as so desperate it's cringeworthy. No wonder men take the piss.

Eequalsmcsquared · 12/09/2015 16:48

There is no bigger turn off than someone desperate and needy and that goes for either sex. She needs to get some self esteem and not date until she has managed to find some.

Let's be honest if we met such a needful man who was such a drip we would be out of there, wouldn't we?

watchingthedetectives · 12/09/2015 17:24

It is grim - I hope for her sake she is playing it up for the column. Agree with PPs about getting some dignity and being a bit proactive if she is worried about her weight.

2rebecca · 12/09/2015 19:02

The newsagent had sold out today but I find her self pitying stuff about her weight annoying. If she wants to lose weight join a running club or cycling club (or whatever sport she fancies) and spend the time she's spending dating exercising. She'll meet men that way as well, and can suss them out before dating them.

absolutelynotfabulous · 13/09/2015 08:26

I didn't realise about the weight. I'll have to read up (is everything online or do I have to actually buy the Graun?)

shins · 19/09/2015 14:10

Today's was UNBEARABLE. Oh god. I'm getting irritated with her now. Mind you it's making me think that if I get divorced or widowed I'd rather just buy a nice dog and take it for walks than do online dating.

Fuckitfay · 19/09/2015 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InTheBox · 19/09/2015 15:40

I haven't read this weekend's version yet but I will once I post. I've been following her series and it makes me despair, I'm sure she hams it up for the story but I often just find myself thinking that she needs to get a grip. Each and every week.

As a side note, for all the Guardian's work on feminism, she perpetuates and reinforces this notion of the sad middle-aged woman, without a hope in love, desperate for a man to come along and save her. FFS.

nortonhouse · 19/09/2015 16:37

I am afraid I can't stand her. When the column started, I was hopeful for her, and I tried to like her and sympathise with her, but she comes across as just hopeless - so desperate and clingy, the way she chases men e.g. via texting way too persistently and just not getting the (rather blatant) hint time after time. Makes me wonder how she comes across in person. If I were a man, her approach would make me run screaming the other direction - which apparently it often does!

MrsHenryCrawford · 19/09/2015 20:42

Today's column was Awful. Cringeworthy. Why does she insist on continuing to text and email these men, is she 12 or something?

nortonhouse · 19/09/2015 21:02

this

Greymalkin · 19/09/2015 21:26

I have no experience of OLD, and I am much younger than Stella, so maybe it's easy for me to judge. But I do agree that she comes across as very frustrating and needy of men.

I've been reading her column for about five months and there is never anything in it that gives me hope for her! It is a bit like watching a car wreck in slow motion - you can see it coming but she can't.

I hope things brighten up for her

Wolknowsitall · 19/09/2015 21:36

Two points: Who in God's name buys the Saturday Grauniad to read, unless you live in North Islington. Two: why do you insist on reading that tripe anyway - try Bel Mooney in the Saturday edition of the Daily Mail. Still, I expect it's each to their own - note neat avoidance of gender-based inferences!

nortonhouse · 19/09/2015 22:37

Who would ever buy the Daily Mail? [avoids voicing assumptions about DM
demographics]

Wolknowsitall · 21/09/2015 08:46

nortonhouse: Touché. But it is all still drivel!

IrenetheQuaint · 21/09/2015 08:51

I used to enjoy Bel Mooney's agony aunt column in The Times, but when the Daily Mail poached her they changed her style so that it reads very simplistically without complex words or ideas.

Stella is beyond hope but I am 95% sure she is making most of it up.

hackmum · 21/09/2015 09:09

I do feel that she should have the words "He's just not that into you" plastered on her wall or something just as a reminder to be not quite so easy.

But I also think there's a lot of journalistic licence going on. She has column inches to fill every week. If there has been a happy ending for her, she's not going to reveal it in the column.

As for who reads the Saturday Guardian, I subscribe on Kindle, and pieces that I enjoyed in the most recent edition include a long article about refugees being housed in Dachau concentration camp; a feature on obese teenagers having gastric surgery, and the medical pros and cons; John Gray's brilliant and incisive review of Matt Ridley's new book called The Evolution of Everything; Ian Jack's column comparing the political philosophies of Keir Hardie and Jeremy Corbyn; the pianist James Rhodes's essay on why ideas about a link between madness and creativity are ill-founded; and an article telling the story of 19th century women forced to give up their illegitimate babies.

Silly me, eh? Preferring intelligent, thoughtful and informative articles to mindless celebrity trivia and gossip.

hooliodancer · 21/09/2015 10:48

The Saturday Guardian is wonderful, the only day I actually buy the paper these days. I don't understand why it should be disparaged? Unless for its politics? But that's a bit narrow I would suggest. I often read articles from the Telegraph or The Times, I don't buy them myself, but others do and I can understand why they do.

As for Stella, Saturday's column was heartbreaking! Yet again she is kicked into touch! But yes, she needs to stop with the texting.