to think that 'Mid-life Ex-wife' is a very depressing column?

[grumpysquash]

Published each week in the Sat Guardian (and online) by 'Stella Gray'. This lady is 50 and dating after a divorce. The guys she meets appear to be dreadful and rude and she has incredibly low self esteem. This week it was written to suggest that once the date saw her thighs (through her clothes), he clearly wasn't interested any more. And a couple of weeks ago she slept with a slightly younger guy (42) who afterwards (the same night) broke up with her by text saying that he felt in a different generation to her.
For some reason, I compulsively read it each week. But I want to cry sometimes. Surely dating at 50 isn't as bad as that (someone please tell me a nice story)? I have lots of friends who are over 50, lovely, engaging, funny and sexy. That is more usual, right????

There are two single people who write about dating in the back of the Sunday Times Style magazine who are so dull I can't even remember their names. I really don't want to read about people's dating failures, there is so much which is annoying in the Sunday Times now that I'm thinking of cancelling my subscription.

"I think she deliberately picks idiots to date to have column material. Either that or she is a drama llama with terrible taste in men to boot."

Exactly, or third option: she makes half/most of it up.

It is quite a depressing read, mostly because all the men are so awful.

I am fairly sure it's written by an experienced professional journalist, so I think she will be shaping real-life events into a interesting and slightly fictionalised story. That's certainly better than it all being completely true!

Just how big can her thighs be?

Not really the point though ExConstance. I don't care if she could shield all of China from the sun with her thighs, the point is her absolute lack of any type of self-esteem or confidence.

She seems to take pleasure in her own downfalls. The fact is the men she dates are awful. However, I suspect it wouldn't make for much of a column if everything was going swimmingly or if she recognised how awful the men were and just wrote something like "finished it with xxx because he's a twat."

That was what I meant - not logical thought process.

For a truly depressing read, have a look at the discussion about the column on this men's men's forum:

forums.avoiceformen.com/showthread.php?15138-Middle-age-woman-upset-that-men-her-age-ignore-women-her-age

I did. Depressing indeed, Druscilla

Going by the last paragraph of this week's instalment, I suspect Ms Gray may have read this thread

A definitely possibility

• definite, not definitely (duh)

Agree she seems to date creeps but the way she moans on about her body just annoys me. If she wants to be slimmer then instead of dating she should spend her spare time with a cycling or running club, energetic dance, swimming (properly no girly chat swims), orienteering, hill walking. She'll probably meet blokes there (except the dance glass) anyway. If she's happy with her BMI and not wanting to lose weight then she should stop whinging about her body and post an up to date realistic picture of her on the site.
I think she mainly needs to get a hobby though so she gets the creepy blokes in perspective.
The guardian family sections columnists often piss me off though. I find it intrusive and rather creepy and betraying to write about your family and people you meet in a weekly column just to earn money.

shes really nice on Twitter

Reading that bloke forum it sounds as though internet dating doesn't really work for older people. I think older men will find that although a woman in her 30s may be happy with a man a decade older a woman in her 50s will be a lot less keen as you're too young to want to switch in to carer mode and men do get ill and die earlier. The women are wanting someone about their own age whilst the men are deluded enough to think they can still attract someone younger (maybe some of them can). Having lots of hobbies where there are men seems much more likely to work to me.
Either that or you accept you go on lots of dates where you aren't what the other one is looking for and don't get your hopes up plus continue to be fussy and avoid the blokes your age looking for younger dolly birds.

Not read this but Liz Jones always cheers me up
Sometimes nice to be reminded how lucky I am to have "Him Indoors" who still appreciates my finer qualities and treats me accordingly. He is of course far luckier than me.
I go to the theatre etc on my own regularly and I can vouch that were I in the market there would be no shortage of offers from unsuitable types without the need to resort to OD.
I do find it deeply depressing that women of my generation still define their self-esteem in terms of their dating currency.

I'm sure Liz Jones had a column in the Guardian about her wedding plans before she went to the DM. That was pretty depressing.

There was also a column about being the mother of teenagers that was pretty grim.

I wonder how much you get paid for having a grim column? Is there maybe a market for my tales of grim allotments? From a Sunday supplement point of view they would be getting 2 niche columns for the price of one.

God, has anyone read today's column? It's almost surreally horrific now, like a spoof. I wish it was :-(
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/series/mid-life-ex-wife/2015/aug/08/all

Yes, I agree. I don't know why I still read it.
I keep somehow thinking that it will get to October and she will meet 'the one' just to wander off into the sunset when her column has had it's year.
But maybe it'll just be depressing from start to finish, with no let up.

Surely nobody reads the Guardian for laughs?

I know but the endless false hope is killing me! Mind you, I'm wondering about its veracity too. Aren't some of these men Guardian readers? Maybe the last one rumbled her after reading that he has a potato face...

The Living With Teenagers column was Julie Myerson. It turned into an utter shitstorm when the DC found out about it, and she then wrote an even worse book about the issues with her eldest DS, who then went NC in response (he's since reconciled).

Today's was horrendous.

Oh, I don't know about horrendous. It must be so easy to put your foot in it when constantly emailing and texting. She seems to be very good at that; surprises me.
The crucial thing in any putative relationship is to meet early and get that out of the way. Anything else is timewasting. It was true a hundred years ago and remains so today.
Tak

Poor Stella clearly knows nothing about how to internet date (or is looking to fill a column).

So come on Stella shape up, have you not learnt anything yet?

It is fine to make the first move, but if you get an interesting response don't send endless messages, speak to them briefly on the phone, if still interested arrange to meet. Don't take it personally if they don't respond. Bin off any weirdo's, those just after sex and bores. Don't have sex with people you don't know very well, (unless that's what you are after) and FGS don't over share your past life with virtual strangers who ask inappropriate questions (just like you wouldn't in real life).

FWIW There are lots of men out there OD looking for a shag, but there are nice, interesting men out their too