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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School residential

49 replies

haveabreakhaveakitkat · 20/06/2015 13:58

Dd (8, year 3) has a 4 night residential school trip in April 2016 (she'll have just turned 9). A £35 deposit must be paid by the end of June to secure her place.

It looks fabulous and she would enjoy all the activities. The school has been doing the trip for many years and according to the parents of children who have been, it's brilliant fun and very well organised.

However, she's adamant she doesn't want to go due to missing us. I'm thinking that she could change her mind in the next 9 months and be upset to miss out, so I want to pay the deposit and take the hit if she still doesn't want to go when it comes to paying the full cost 8 weeks prior.

Dh says no, don't pay the deposit and if she changes her mind - tough.

AIBU to just sneakily send the deposit in anyway? It's such a good opportunity. 9 months is a long time in the life of an 8 year old and she might be raring to go when the time comes!

OP posts:

LIZS · 20/06/2015 14:00

I'm sure they will get more excited as it draws near and she will get swept along. Do check re.payment as sometimes you would lose more than the deposit.

dexter73 · 20/06/2015 14:09

I would send in the deposit too. You are right, 9 months is a long time and she might change her mind by then. I think your dh is being a bit mean.

Bonsoir · 20/06/2015 14:11

You have 9 months to sell the idea to your DD and DH - get cracking

balletgirlmum · 20/06/2015 14:12

Well I guess £35 isn't as huge a loss as some school trip deposits.

At ds school they just do a 1 night trip in year 3 which helps prepare for the big 4 night year 5 residential.

whois · 20/06/2015 14:13

Oh god yes pay the £35 deposit if you can, I think she will likely change her mind, or at least she has the option to.

ragged · 20/06/2015 14:13

Don't pay without agreeing something with your DP.
I'm with your DP, your child knows how they feel & there will be other trip opportunities in future yrs.

Andrewofgg · 20/06/2015 14:40

Pay it. She will change her mind when other children are getting excited about it.

windchime · 20/06/2015 14:46

I paid £115 for DS to go on a three night residential trip. He was sent home with a vomiting bug (along with three other kids) 4 hours after I waved him off in tip-top health. The financial loss might not end at the deposit whether they go or not.

Silvercatowner · 20/06/2015 14:47

My son was the same, he did go on the trip in the end but I think he felt pressured to go. He hated it. I don't think it particularly scarred him for life, but it did knock his confidence. I wish I'd not spent the money.

BreadmakerFan · 20/06/2015 14:50

Don't assume she will change her mind when others get excited. It does not always happen like that.

ragged · 20/06/2015 14:52

I pressured DS to go & we had to go collect him after 90 minutes because they put him down to share a room with kids he didn't know or like, and he refused to cooperate at all after that. He never wanted to go in first place. £90 down the drain.

I would have listened better to his strong desire not to go if I hadn't started by paying a first deposit 6 months earlier when he already knew then that he didn't want to go.

ragged · 20/06/2015 14:55

There were girls made to go on the 2.5 day residential in yr5 ... who cried selves to sleep both nights from homesickness (the other girls laughed at them for it) & at least one girl had a bit of bullying-cum-chivvying from an adult leader who didn't understand that she was socially isolated enough already.

Thank goodness their parents didn't make them go for the 4 day residential in yr6.

Eva50 · 20/06/2015 14:55

If you really feel strongly about it then sit down and have a proper discussion with your DP about it and come to an agreement. I wouldn't do it behind his back it opens a whole can of worms.

EponasWildDaughter · 20/06/2015 14:58

If you can easily afford to risk the £35 (ie: not having to scrimp and scrap it together) then i'd say yes, pay it. If not then don't.

If i could easily afford it, and paid it; would i tell DH? Nope. I'd say - if she eventually went - that someone else had dropped out and she was lucky to get a place.

EponasWildDaughter · 20/06/2015 14:58

Although eva's quite right and you should sit down with DH and be open

grumpyoldlady · 20/06/2015 15:10

I paid a £40 deposit for my ds who was undecided whether he wanted to go or not. He didn't go. But you and your dh know your dd best, so as said above surely the best idea is to have a proper talk with them. I would definitely not go behind my dh's back though.

Original poster

haveabreakhaveakitkat · 20/06/2015 15:12

Thanks all. There are 10 days before the deposit needs to be paid so I will talk to dd and dh about it again. I'm not a pushy mum (the opposite really!) I just don't want dd to miss out on something I know she would enjoy. I went to a similar place at age 10 and have wonderful memories of it. I'll check with the school about how they deal with homesickness - they didn't really touch on that when we went to the information meeting.

OP posts:

CamelHump · 20/06/2015 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minisoksmakehardwork · 20/06/2015 15:15

Do the whole year get the chance to go? I'd not pay the deposit if your dd was wavering and it meant that another child, who definitely did want to go, might miss out. I'm kind of with your dh. Either she says she wants to go and goes. Or if she's adamant she doesn't want to, she can't change her mind at a later date.

Original poster

haveabreakhaveakitkat · 20/06/2015 15:21

Yes I think it's open to the whole year group. No mention of first come first served. It's a small school.

OP posts:

PacificDogwood · 20/06/2015 15:21

Oh, please pay the deposit (particularly if you could afford to lose it). She is very likely to change her mind.

DS1 has just come back from his school residential (1 week, age 12) and even DS2 who has always said he does not want to go has changed his mind in the face of so much enthusiastic gushing from his brother

You DD is quite likely to get caught up in the excitement once the trip comes nearer.

CamelHump · 20/06/2015 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PacificDogwood · 20/06/2015 15:23

Oh, and yes, don't pay behind your DP's back, do speak to him.
I'd just drop with subject with your DD though, stop pressurising her about it (she'll perceive talking about it as pressure) and see how she feels about it closer to the time.

manchestermummy · 20/06/2015 15:25

My dc's school do residentials from y3, so dd1 will hsve just turned 8 when she goes this autumn. She's never spent time away from us overnight - ever, not even with grandparents - but I can see your dh's point. Might be a good lesson for her in the long run.

FaFoutis · 20/06/2015 15:27

I had this last year. My DS said he really didn't want to go, so I didn't pay the deposit but by the time it came to the trip he was very upset that he wasn't going.
I'd say pay the deposit.

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