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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to come with me to see a play?

48 replies

elderflowerlemonade · 19/06/2015 17:35

There is an open air production of one of my favourite plays this summer and I really wanted to book tickets for DH and i to see it.

When I sent him a text to ask him he said he would find it boring Hmm

We just hardly seem to do anything together and so I feel a bit like it's all one sided and I also feel a bit like after years of being a SAHM I an purely seen as this one providing the childcare and cleaning the home and I feel like I want to reconnect if you like with the old me and the old interests but he doesn't seem interested!

AIBU?

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 19/06/2015 17:37

Perfect opportunity for him to be on Houseand Kids duty while you enjoy your play. Id of course, include in the plans an early dinner and cocktails afterwards plus a long hangover-curing lie in the next morning.

dh doesnt always want to do the things I want to do (and vice versa), so we do some stuff separate.

Theycallmemellowjello · 19/06/2015 17:39

Hm I don't know. I'd find it tough to go with a sports event with my dh I think. Can't you go to the play with a friend who'd enjoy it and do something else nice with your dh? No point takin him if he won't enjoy it.

cathcustard · 19/06/2015 17:43

My DH is the same. Take a friend, make a special picnic, a bottle of something delicious and enjoy it with someone who'll enjoy it too.

I send DH to the cricket alone.

redskybynight · 19/06/2015 17:55

Better to go on your own or with someone who will enjoy it surely? If you want to reconnect with DH, how about trying something you both used to enjoy?

Original poster
elderflowerlemonade · 19/06/2015 18:01

Thanks Smile

I'm not sure I can think of anybody who would enjoy it - or not anybody local I suppose.

It's hard to explain. I feel like there's a huge part of me he just doesn't know.

OP posts:
Socalled · 19/06/2015 18:03

I think reconnecting with your uncooperative DH and seeing a play that's important to you might better be thought of as separate things in the circumstances. Imagine how frustrating it would be if you took him and he whispered about being bored or played on his phone throughout your favourite scene - you wouldn't enjoy the play or have a nice together time.

Definitely book tickets, but take someone else who won't complain about boredom. And a delicious picnic.

Theycallmemellowjello · 19/06/2015 18:04

Oh sorry to hear that elderflower, I totally understand that would be frustrating. Maybe focusing on shared interests would help you feel more connected though. And perhaps a book group could help you meet people with more literary interests?

Mindexplode · 19/06/2015 18:06

The one thing DH refuses to do with me is ballet.

I plan to take my DT this year as they will be old enough for nutcraker, they already know the story and the music. If he chooses to stay at home then more fool him. I have already taken DT to classical concerts without him as I love that kind of music and want to pass on my love to my DC

I understand what you mean, it took 8 years of being together for DH to come to a music festrval with me as he thought he would hate it. Actually he loves it and we have done a few together, only having DC stops us to going to more

And he still hasn't come to a motorbike meet with me yet!

Original poster
elderflowerlemonade · 19/06/2015 18:15

I know, I do see that a bored DH might be worse in a way.

But I also feel like there's a part of me that isn't recognised or 'seen' at all. Whether or not seeing a play is the answer is another matter of course!

OP posts:
AuntyMag10 · 19/06/2015 18:16

Yanbu, I accompany my dh to things I find boring but I do it because I know he loves my company. He does the same for me.

annielouisa · 19/06/2015 18:16

I love and adore my DH and I know he feels the same about me but we are like chalk and cheese. We do not like the same films or TV, I do not believe you can equate liking the same stuff as knowing someone. I respect his interests and he mine and we have found common ground, our love of travel.

I would no more make my DH watch a play I loved than he would make me go fishing. If there is a disconnect between you and your DH it cannot be mended by him attending activities you like and putting on a brave face. Find your common ground and be your own person

LindyHemming · 19/06/2015 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
elderflowerlemonade · 19/06/2015 18:21

I think since stopping work and being a SAHM I feel a bit one dimensional, as if all I do is childcare and housework.

I know part of that is the natural side of things if you like, but it's just - I don't know if it is enough!

OP posts:
Mitzimaybe · 19/06/2015 18:54

YANBU.

Is there any way to explain to him what you've put in your OP? That it's about a bit more than the play. That you want to spend some time as a couple, without always being in mum mode. That you don't have anyone else to go with and don't want to go alone?

ElviraCondomine · 19/06/2015 18:59

I love the theatre. I watch every Shakespeare production I possibly can. But after 21 years with DH I know better than to ask him to come with me - he just doesn't get it. So I take DD1 or go with my DF and have a fantastic time, and DH gets the benefit of seeing me excited and happy about something I love. Similarly, he loves lots of things that leave me absolutely cold. I don't see it as an issue at all. We just meet in the middle somewhere with some American tv and food we enjoy, and accept our differences.

NRomanoff · 19/06/2015 19:20

Yabu . You aren't going to reconnect with dh whilst forcing him to do something only you enjoy.

My dh is a weather chaser and I would definitely not go with him. I enjoy kick boxing and lifting weights......he has never once stepped in a gym with me. We have interests we do together, and ones we don't.

If dh wanted me to fly out to Texas with him on the off chance there will be a tornado as an attempt to reconnect, I wouldn't do.

NRomanoff · 19/06/2015 19:22

Sorry the things we do together are the things we both like. Like going out for dinner or the cinema.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/06/2015 19:23

Yanbu.

For him it is just one evening. How long is the play? Really, not that long in the greater scheme of things. He should want to do it for you, and the pleasure it will bring you.

Original poster
elderflowerlemonade · 19/06/2015 19:23

Thanks.

It would just be nice I suppose to feel we did something together? Maybe that's normal though?

OP posts:
NRomanoff · 19/06/2015 19:26

Of course it's nice to do something together. You should do something together, but something you both like, that you will both enjoy. That will help reconnection more than forcing him to go somewhere you know he won't enjoy.

Original poster
elderflowerlemonade · 19/06/2015 19:28

Yes, I see this. I just feel that I don't have a separate identity at the moment. I know what I mean, but it's so difficult to explain. I feel like over the years I've stopped being me and just become the mum!

OP posts:
dun1urkin · 19/06/2015 19:28

My DH doesn't always want to accompany me to theatre/concerts, so we have an agreement that I will pay for both of us, and he will be my 'escort' and not moan if he doesn't like it and then afterwards he gives me the amount of money he thinks it was worthGrin
I've never had nothing, but am yet to make a profit on what I've paid for his ticket I'm always careful to keep his ticket so he doesn't see the price
I appreciate this might not work for you if you're a SAHM at the moSmile

Original poster
elderflowerlemonade · 19/06/2015 19:29

Haha that's funny!

OP posts:
Original poster
elderflowerlemonade · 19/06/2015 19:30

You have reminded me of someone I know who's partner referred to the interval as 'half time' Grin had forgotten about that!

OP posts:
dun1urkin · 19/06/2015 19:34

I took him to his first ballet. It was Matthew Bourne's Lord of the Flies, so not remotely sugarplum fairy-esque. At 'half time' he mentioned to me that he expected there to be more talking GrinGrinGrin
I made 83% of ticket price on that one.

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