To want DH to come with me to see a play?

[elderflowerlemonade]

There is an open air production of one of my favourite plays this summer and I really wanted to book tickets for DH and i to see it.

When I sent him a text to ask him he said he would find it boring

We just hardly seem to do anything together and so I feel a bit like it's all one sided and I also feel a bit like after years of being a SAHM I an purely seen as this one providing the childcare and cleaning the home and I feel like I want to reconnect if you like with the old me and the old interests but he doesn't seem interested!

AIBU?

I think he should go with you, it's you're favourite play and it's local and a one off, it's not as if you want him to go every week.

My DH and I have very different tastes so we do thinks separately. But we have both gone and seen occasional favourite or important things with the other, because I think that's what couples should do for each other. I love the Ballet, DH came with me once and fell asleep during the (very loud) climax of Swan Lake. That was 20 years ago and I haven't taken him since, but he's promised to take me to my favourite ballet later this year, because he knows I love it.

Elderflower You've asked you're DH by text and he's given his honest opinion, but do you think if you explained face to face how much this means to you, he might change his mind?

That's a great idea dun!

What are his hobbies and interests? Do you feel like you play a part in those?

Thanks

DH goes to the gym and he likes history.

elderflower I have a friend who goes occasionally to the theatre with his wife and refers to the interval as "half time"!

That is really funny!

What about a historical play or some kind of re-enactment? That would combine both your interests. I do get what you mean about wanting to be seen as 'you' and to do something you like. A compromise doesn't fully meet that need to be seen because it's a compromised you. It's tricky.

I love history but I think DH doesn't get I actually know a fair bit about it!

He tends to be interested in history of medicine and military history.

He does know a lot about both to be fair.

Is it Midsummer Nights Dream in Windsor Great Park? I was trying to work out logistics to get there, but not sure if we can manage it.

I have to say, at last my DC are old enough for us to go out and leave them, and I have booked all sorts of tickets. Before we had DC, I would go with him to his things, but I never felt I had the right to expect him to go to my type of things. Not now, though! I just book, and drag him along. And he does the same. We are both widening our horizons.

It is indeed AMSD but sadly not as glamorous as Windsor park!

Ooh, great play for outdoor theatre. Mind you, Twelfth Night also has its moments...usually relating to quite how appropriate "hey ho the wind and the rain" turns out to be!

I go to the theatre with my mates. My husband hates it and would be miserable as sin if I went with him. I agree you need to find your identity again and do things for you but they don't all have to involve him. Leave the kids with him, go with a friend (or go alone) and have a great time.

If you want to do something with him then make it something you both like - maybe a lovely meal out? That way you get two nights out as well :)

Do you have military reenactors? We have a lot of them who meet at battlefields and dress in period costume and reenact battles from our Civil War. Do you have anything like that in the UK? It can be fun to go to see them. I'm planning to take DCs to see them at Gettysburg when they are old enough to find it interesting.

We don't unfortunately - I don't think that would be Dhs 'thing.' He mainly likes reading books about it!

I think I have seen the performances you mean though - it may actually have been from when I took DS to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid!

(I got moaned at for referring to half time at the rugby as the interval.....)

hels

I had forgotten all about that - someone I used to be friends with.

Made me laugh that did!

If you are struggling to feel like you have your own identity, you need to something for you. Probably separately to dh. Go do something you enjoy that is for you

Well yes, but I want DH to know who I am.

I don't think it is unreasonable to ask your partner to accompany you to something that is important to you.

I also think "I will find it boring" is a pretty pathetic excuse. I've been to stuff I didn't think I'd like because it was important to them - and really enjoyed it.

I think as a one off he could suck it up actually

I just feel like it's not about the play.

I know I'm not expressing myself very well, and I do actually think I'm being unreasonable about the play. I think that what I'm trying to get across is that I'm not sure he sees me as a person separate from him and DCs any more and that makes me sad.

I get what you mean.

It is important you go to that play, and start to do more things that are not connected to bring a mum ir a wife or dratted sahm duties.

You can feel taken for granted. Your H doesn't feelhe needs to msje an effort for you as you are always there.

So go out more, a lot more. I go out with friends a lot, or even alone.

And don't be too accomodating to him. Start to be "you" again, and not just the great facilitator who organises the home life for everyone without much appreciation.

Also, watch Shirley Valentine on your own, to see that you are not the first and only woman to feel like this

Thanks - I hate Shirley Valentine though!