To ask DH not to eat all the food?

[CustardDragon]

It's really beginning to grate on my nerves. DH is fairly overweight (think bmi of about 32) and constantly eats massive amounts. It has always annoyed me when we go out for dinner and I have regular amounts, like a main and a dessert, but he orders half the menu which makes it very expensive. What is most annoying though, is that he eats everything I get for myself as well. I don't really like the idea of 'my food' and 'his food', but because I have quite a restricted diet (vegetarian and can't have a lot of lactose either) and he eats everything, I have had to get stuff I can have for work lunches and stuff. But he eats it all.

This week, he ate all his meat stuff. Then he ate all the bread. And all the cheese. He puts two or three condiments in each sandwich (salad cream, mustard and ketchup, all together??).

Money is quite tight and I am getting fed up of having to buy expensive lunches at work because there is nothing left when I get up :(

" most people's answers seem to come from a really unhappy place "

wtf?

For example; deciding he has an eating disorder (based on him liking sauce on his sandwich), OP should leave him, slagging someone else for suggesting maybe there isn't a problem and he just has a bigger appetite than op, causing op to get even more wound up about issue instead of constructive ideas with how to deal with an issue, starting to call each other fat for wondering why a salad isn't filling a man up.... then starting to suggest I'm blaming OP of something sinister when offering a genuine thought as a way around the problem... it all seems very unhappy and angry in my opinion.

You can not change him, but you can change the food bill. Buy stuff that can't be readily scoffed, out with pies and sauces, buy uncooked mince and freeze it uncooked in portion sizes, buy fresh potatoes and dry lentils as well as carrots and spinach, all fresh so needs cooking. Forget about bread, buy a roll or st on your way to work, have some crispbread in the house. Cheese, salads, bread only for today, not a week's worth. More expensive in small portions, but cheaper than using a week's in a day. If he needs junk pies, cooked ham etc, he will supply those himself.

You do seem to have quite an interest in minimising this jabbsy. I mean, you've described DHs behaviour as 'eating my dinner' (in the singular) and 'deciding he has an eating disorder based on him liking sauce on his sandwich'. You must realise OP has described him doing much, much more than this? And you seem to be operating on a different food storage cycle to most people, although I realise that may be due to geographical differences. I wouldn't be so arrogant as to tell you this isn't the place for you, but I don't think you're going to be in a position to offer anything constructive if you don't see the scale of this problem.

jabbsy, unfortunately it does sound like this is an unhappy situation, though. From her original post and comments I don't read it at all as if he just has a bigger appetite than the OP, and most people seem to be reading the situation the same.

Sure, it could be just he has a big appetite, but it really doesn't sound like it to me - OP seems distressed about it, his behaviour seems compulsive and he seems very defensive. I get you're pointing out that it's just a forum post that we have to judge and constructive solutions will help, but they might be a sticking plaster over something more deeply rooted, you know?

I think sometime people who haven't had any food issues don't quite get how pervasive and destructive they can be. I've never been more than slightly overweight but have had mild to medium serious food issues my whole life. I'm more or less recovered, but I'm aware that if I was ever very depressed, or grieving, or under massive stress, the food issues would be likely be the first thing to come roaring back. It's shit, it really is - I heard a thing once that stuck with me, something like 'binge eating is a way of quietly self destructing without bothering anyone else'.

OP has to decide whether or not she can go on with him in this way. If he does have a problem (and it sounds like he does) a) is it fair to her that she has to live like this b) might he understand the seriousness of the situation more if it became clear he might lose her through not getting help?

OP.

according to Jabbsy the problem was
that the bread in the UK is not as good as where she lives.....
and OP was not shopping properly.
Sounds a good bit deeper than that tbh.
If I served up someone dinner and they started slicing cheese all over it I would be fucking furious. It is insulting to the cook, and greedy and wasteful.

"Sure, it could be just he has a big appetite, but it really doesn't sound like it to me"

I've been the one with a big appetite. I was in my 20s, cycling at least 10 miles a day, walking my dogs for an hour and doing a very physical full-time job as well. It was quite difficult to explain why it was I need so much more food than other people in the house. However, it was also very evident that whatever I was eating was being burned off very efficiently. I also did a lot of my own food shopping.

If the OP's DH just had a big appetite and genuinely needed that much food I think it would be pretty evident.

Isn't it his thing to deal with though? And OPs there to support him. She wanted ways around a problem SHE is having with the situation. I offered advice based on that. As she was asking.... not him. And I don't think she particularly needs marriage counselling... just wanted to offload, whinge, seek out possible solutions.... if I was doing that, I'd be horrified if someone told me the only way was divorce and that my DARLING husband was all the awful things under the sun.

I still don't think I'd want to eat 2 day old bread or meat aside from that. Maybe all that mouldy food is what makes everyone so unhappy here!!! :D

What on earth kind of bread are you eating that goes mouldy after two days?

He's probably desperately unhappy and on a fast track to an early grave, but then he's a man so just hide the biscuits and fuck him I guess.

French bread goes hard and horrible within 48 hours but not mouldy. I make my own bread and the only preservative in it is salt, and there's not much of that. It lasts 4-5 days before it goes mouldy but when it goes, it goes quickly.

Does bread go mouldy quicker in really humid environments? And why am I even asking

I like reni1's idea

As to humidity, when we lived in a tropical country and forgot to put our bread in the fridge, it would be green and blue after 2/3 days!

Yes, reni's is a good idea. Takes real effort to snack on lentils and if he wants crisps, he can buy them.

LTB or rather LTSFF (selfish fat fucker).

He's a grown (or rather growing) man who can control what's put in his mouth, go to the shops, cook for himself and choose to opt for heathy eating meals rather than cheese laden fry ups. Furthermore he is capable of not stuffing himself to the point there is no food in the house for anyone else.

If he does have some underlying food issue then he equally needs to get help to sort that out.

Or you could let him eat to a size where he is bed bound and incapable of waddling to the fridge - problem solved.

Some are just selfish bastards and it has nothing to do with an ed.

.. Had a weeks food, well actually 10 days, food delivered. I was at work. There was enough food and refreshments for 5 of us for 10 days. Delivery due before 11. I came it at 5 to find the fucker had eaten 8 eggs. Loaf of bread. Block of cheddar. Half a wheel of Camembert. Downed 4 pints of milk. Large box of cereal. 3 yogurts. Nearly a whole pineapple... I was fucking livid.

He Cooked a chicken that night and veg. There was enough veg for more than us. I didn't have time to eat and
Would eat later.. I came home nothing left. He'd at least fed the kids.. And managed to polish of biscuits.

Another time. I had made a lasagna. Huge thing to feed 10. Always made a huge one to freeze half... Went to work. Picked up kids came home and most had gone... The fucker asked later that night what was for dinner.

Or the time a 10 litre stew had been made. Kids had a bowl each. I had a mug.

Nothing to do with an ed. nothing to do with being starved. He was a greedy, selfish fucker. grocery bill dropped by nearly £500 a month with him gone.

I would mention it to him. He
Would say well you should have been here and you would have been able to eat x,y or z. Or just shrugged when I asked him wtf when he had eaten several large boxes of thorntons.

YANBU OP. But if he seems unaware of the price of the food and thinks you aren't getting enough then surely the answer is to do the shop together? He gets what he wants, doesn't eat yours and gets a shock at the till.

In the restaurant, if money is tight I suggest you decide on a price limit before you go out. Or just refuse to go to one and state why.

Really you need to tell him all of this, he may get angry as you say he does but if he thinks you're really being unfair then he should be able to explain why.

Firstly YANBU.... Secondly I've lived with a man like this and it's bloody grim.

Milk was drank within the day, 6 pints, 8 pints it didn't matter, straight from the bottle usually.

Bread was toasted constantly, ham eaten straight from the packet, he once ate two whole punnets of strawberries I'd bought for DDs packed lunch.

Whole tubes of Pringles would be gone in minutes. So would tubs of ice cream.

When I questioned him or said why have you eaten all that? He get aggressive and accuse me of being mean with food, that wasn't the case I literally couldn't have anything in the fridge without him hoovering it up.

I had to hide milk outside the back door once so DD would have enough for her milk and cereal in the morning.

Horrible way to live and you know what? It was all down to him smoking weed and taking cocaine.

He just couldn't control his appetite/ thirst because of drugs.

He sounds disgusting. Do you still fancy him? Your issues are much bigger than having nothing left for your packed lunches.

There is actually a problem beyond a possible ed with leaving others hungry. Does he otherwise take more than his fair share? Sofa hog, spare time, extra room for his hobbies alone? As in putting in half or less of the resources, be they money, time, housework and taking more than half?

Has op been back??

Maybe dh has eaten her??

he defo ate her didnt he?

My husband was the same, very overweight and it was as if his appetite could never be satisfied. I know where you're coming from, the quiet reasoning, the begging, the anger, you won't get anywhere until he takes it upon himself. You cant change his behaviour but you can change your reaction. It's taken high bp and a heart attack for my husband to cop on, although he's still overweight. What kind of worked for him was low carb, although he sunk carbs in, he did lose weight. Your husband can still have the fries, as long as it's olive oil, tons of vegetables, he can have cheese in moderation, eggs, just lose the refined carbs. Stephen sinatra is a cardiologist and author on healthy eating, look him up and good luck.