To ask DH not to eat all the food?

[CustardDragon]

It's really beginning to grate on my nerves. DH is fairly overweight (think bmi of about 32) and constantly eats massive amounts. It has always annoyed me when we go out for dinner and I have regular amounts, like a main and a dessert, but he orders half the menu which makes it very expensive. What is most annoying though, is that he eats everything I get for myself as well. I don't really like the idea of 'my food' and 'his food', but because I have quite a restricted diet (vegetarian and can't have a lot of lactose either) and he eats everything, I have had to get stuff I can have for work lunches and stuff. But he eats it all.

This week, he ate all his meat stuff. Then he ate all the bread. And all the cheese. He puts two or three condiments in each sandwich (salad cream, mustard and ketchup, all together??).

Money is quite tight and I am getting fed up of having to buy expensive lunches at work because there is nothing left when I get up :(

yoursfan where did the op say that the husband is incapable of cooking himself a meal? I must have missed that...

And I've asked her several times what he does for a living and she has not answered.

Maybe because it's none of your damned business.

And btw, if you are going to post such utter twaddle here it would give some credence if you were:
not the OP's husband
not fat
not a binge eater
not with a similarly "controlling" partner

I thought I had an eating disorder. Then I cut out caffeine, refined carbs and sugar. After a horrible week of cravings and headaches - suddenly no more eating disorder! I had just got into a terrible downward spiral of eating crap, and needing to eat more and more crap. I'm eating much less now, which feels more natural.

He could have something more complex going on, but if he would agree to try a high protein and veg diet for a couple of weeks, he might feel more relaxed about food at the end of it?

"If she fed her husband properly in the first place perhaps he wouldn't have to binge"

Maybe it's just me, but that post made me want to binge on this

Most postmen I have seen are fairly lean. Maybe because they do walk a lot.

Is this what having children has done to your brain?

So, what's your excuse?

Even a postman wouldn't be lean if they were having to eat rabbit food and then bingeing on shite because they're so bloody hungry, which may well be what's going on.

His level of activity makes all the difference, as does the amounts of food that's being bought. Again - she has given no indication of the actual physical amount of food he consumes, only her view of it that it's "massive" and "disgusting" etc. Which could, for all you know, be completely warped because she has a problem. She says she has a very restricted diet. Why? Does she see everyone else's diet as abnormal because she restricts hers so much?

Too much lateral thinking for you, perhaps?

Your thinking is so lateral that it's positively in knots by now.

At least I'm capable of it. You don't appear to be!

Ah give your head a wobble man you're making yourself sound like a doily yoursfan

Of course it's pretty obvious you're really trying ... Bless.

OP have you tried telling him that some food is for your bait and can he leave it alone. If you haven't then you need too.. Don't expect him to just 'know' if he likes his grub. If I want something reserved in this house then I point it out and nobody touches it and the rest of the house does the same.

If you have already then I don't know what to suggest than using a locked fridge for stuff you want handy until you want to have the come to Jesus meeting and thrash it out.

Also custard, I forgot to mention in my previous post ... the condiments thing.

I recognise this. In fact, it was the thing that sparked me to respond to your thread. My DH also does this mixed condiment, inappropriate condiment, over-flavouring or too many sauces thing. Often he will mix things together so it gets excessive ... so he will have boiled eggs in the morning but the toast soldiers will have melted cheese on them as well, or they will be covered in houmous.

The more I think about it, the more I think he has developed some sort of disorder really.

You sound a lot like my exH.

You know, the school leaver.
Against my PhD (although my high IQ does seem to have decreased a bit since having DS)

Well, OP, I hope the shelf does the trick.

But my exH, who drank too much, also always finished the bottle of special wine I had set apart and told him were for me. And put it back in the box, which I'd only find out months later because I hardly drink.

Poor thing, was starved of alcohol, so he had to binge.

Just checked and the frequency of deleted posts was off the charts. In only just over 50 posts.

ImperialBlether Fri 19-Jun-15 12:01:23
You'd stay with any relationship, regardless, would you, jabbsy

No, but I certainly don't think someone eating my dinner is grounds for divorce!

Perspective. Partnerships are about being there for each other, working through problems by communicating with each other. If that stalls and you feel like you need outside help and perspective, I would hope for the answer to everything on a forum full of unhappy strangers to be more than 'leave him'.

Maybe this forum just isn't for me.

What is the solution when the other person doesn't want to listen, or talk, or seek help, though?

OP
Hope you're okay

I do think it sounds like he has an eating disorder and needs help. I think that's why he can't see how unfair it is that he eats all the food, literally. In terms of the practicalities, can you shop and cook separately?

I feel for you both really

" I certainly don't think someone eating my dinner is grounds for divorce!"

What if it's happening every day, and it's not just dinner but the week's shopping? It's not about eating one meal - it's about possibly having some kind of eating disorder or perhaps being selfish, or both, and eating the OP out of house and home, day in, day out. Now IF he recognises this is a problem that he needs to talk about and take action on, that's fair enough. We all have problems but if we tackle them, there's no obvious reason to split up. However, if he's not recognising it's a problem and not trying to change then the OP probably does need to think about whether or not this is a deal breaker.

If he's not trying to change and he's continually making her miserable (and hungry!) then she is married to someone who is selfish and doesn't care about her. And why should she put up with that?

The symptoms of an ed like this are also much more pervasive than just eating all the food. Deceit, protection of supply above all else (eg the needs of other members of the family), shame, self loathing, depression - I could go on.

I would argue pretty intolerable to live with until he admits the problem and gets help.

Let him do the shopping and cooking for a while til he sees there's a real problem. She can eat what he buys or cooks without any issue, and just complain about it if it isn't to her liking... like he does.

He's being spoilt. Posting on a forum isn't going to fix anything.