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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that my childcare has booked a holiday?

35 replies

BlueBananas · 17/06/2015 21:19

I'm currently expecting DC3, when I give birth for various reasons I want both DP & my Mum in the labour room with me (and they both want to be there and both want each other to be there) so we agreed a few weeks ago that my Stepdad/DC's grandad would have the kids while I'm in labour
This was all agreed and he was quite happy to do it
Then my brother tells me that him & my Stepdad have booked a 4 day golfing holiday flying out on my due date!?!
I haven't said anything but AIBU to think this is 1. A bit rude and 2. Plain odd?!
No idea what I'm going to do childcare wise now!

OP posts:
TelephoneIgnoringMachine · 17/06/2015 21:23

Some people just don't write things in their diary. YANBU to be cross. Do you have any friends or other family that could help?

cardibach · 17/06/2015 21:25

How valse to your due date where your other DCs born? It's idd, but if might not be a problem if you are usually early/late.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 17/06/2015 21:33

Yabu- why on earth would you want your mum seeing you give birth? Confused

Original poster
BlueBananas · 17/06/2015 21:40

InSpace why on earth not?! Confused

There is one or 2 people that we could ask if baby is born during the day but if it's the middle of the night or runs over into nighttime then the only people who have ever had them overnight are us (obviously) my mum & stepdad so someone would have to leave me and go to them
The other 2 were quite late (5&9 days) so we'll just have to hope this one is too ey? Or a few days early

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 17/06/2015 22:32

My brother did something similar. Agreed to take care of ds and then booked a skiing hol for my due date. I realised he just was not the right guy for the job, too caught up with his own life. My parents came (from much further away) and did it instead. Better for Ds than having someone who wasn't that bothered about him.

scarletforya · 17/06/2015 22:35

Inspace Confused?????

Yanbu, have you asked him what he's thinking? Has he forgotten?

Hassled · 17/06/2015 22:37

I'd challenge them about this - if they're just so clueless that they've both forgotten the significance of the date, can they re-book?

WoonerismSpit · 17/06/2015 22:52

inspace why the Confused face?

Have you genuinely never heard of anyone having their mum in the labour room?

sliceofsoup · 17/06/2015 23:08

Ha. I had exMIL in the room when giving birth to DD1. She wasn't there for the pushing, (hospital policy only allowed one at a time or she probably would have stayed) but she sat with me while I was in the bath, and for hours while I snored between contractions.

When I was getting the arrangements sorted for who would mind DD1 when I went in to have DD2 my ex (DD1s father but not DD2s) at first said he would have DD1 and then went and booked a weekend away on my due date. Baffling. He did it to spite me, we were just lucky that DD2 was 2 weeks late and I had to be induced. So he couldn't get out of it then.

I would have to say something in your position OP. Why agree to something and then make other plans?

BabyMurloc · 17/06/2015 23:12

He may genuinely not have realised. Speak to your mum about it and see what she says.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 18/06/2015 09:13

Of course I've heard of people having their mum in there, I just don't understand why you would want to. I would not have felt comfortable with anyone other than my partner. Just my opinion.

Karoleann · 18/06/2015 09:17

I also think its very strange having your mother there. I only know one people who had her mother there and she was a midwife and terminally ill.

Mine looked after my other children and then helped out with the new baby - it wouldn't even have crossed her mind to be there.

But YANBU - if they'd agreed to look after your children, very odd. I'd be very annoyed.

ShaynePunim · 18/06/2015 09:20

I know someone who chose to have her FATHER there. And told her partner to wait outside.

Pumpkinpositive · 18/06/2015 09:24

Yabu- why on earth would you want your mum seeing you give birth?

There's always one. Hmm

OP, yanbu. It might be a genuine mistake on his part but seems thoughtless at best and unreliable at worst.

Does he have form for this sort of thing? If it's a one off, he's probably completely forgotton. But he still owes you an explanation and apology.

Stillwishihadabs · 18/06/2015 09:25

I think YABU it is a massive luxury to have both your Dm and your partner there. I think you are over thinking this tbh, second labour's are often over in a couple of hours, either your partner or your Dm can look after dc1. Have you thought about a home birth?

unlucky83 · 18/06/2015 09:32

The same here - I can think of nothing worse than having DM with me when in labour...but I'll go a step further and say I could have done without DP too...I go into my own zone anyway -so anyone talking to me, patting my hand, rubbing my back, helping me with my breathing I find irrelevant .....and mildly irritating Blush.
YANBU to be cross they are messing up the plans through thoughtlessness. Speak to your DM and get her to talk to your stepdad - but at least in your circumstances your DM and/or DP could watch your DCs if nec - not the ideal, not want you wanted but you do have someone who could watch them.

HopOnTheMonnerBus · 18/06/2015 09:33

I had my mum in with me for both of my births.

DH is a worrier and it helped him to have someone to reassure him everything was normal, and I wanted a woman who'd been through it to be there too.

Of course it's personal preference, but hardly a ridiculous idea.

HoldYerWhist · 18/06/2015 09:38

YANBU because arrangements are made.

However, you were a little bit lucky to be able to have them both there so if you have to, maybe your dp or dm could stay at home with dc?

Charley50 · 18/06/2015 09:38

My mum just turned up at mine uninvited and sat there. I had told her not to come. I was really annoyed.

ImSoCoolNow · 18/06/2015 09:45

YANBU id be pretty cross too however, some men don't think like we do and it has obviously not had your impending labour in his priorities when booking his holiday. Nothing much you can do about it now if it's booked. Hopefully you will be able to arrange something so that your mum can be there. What did your mum say about it? Didn't she know he was booking the holiday at the time? It maybe has just been a total oversight

unlucky83 · 18/06/2015 09:45

Sorry a bit off topic but are we the only mammals who give birth with an audience?
I can't think of another species where the females don't go off on their own...but I guess there might be...
I know I would have been happier just getting on with it on my own - maybe I am less evolved! I can be quite antisocial. I also don't understand eg why you aren't allowed to push when you want to etc -surely if your birthing body is telling you to push you should - animals just get on with it then I guess we may have evolved to have 'too big' baby heads Confused
(have medical problems so would have been mad to go for a home birth etc -solitude wasn't an option - thankfully nor is further childbirth at my age Grin)

cuntycowfacemonkey · 18/06/2015 09:48

Home birth? That could solve child care issues?

Laquila · 18/06/2015 09:50

Oof Charley I'd have been annoyed at that. I definitely don't think its weird to want your mum with you whilst you're giving birth - personally I didn't want mine (who I adore) anywhere near me as she'd had a very traumatic section with me and wasn't beat-placed to give the support I needed, and stay calm in a crisis. I can totally understand why other people might want, variously, their husband/mother/sister/friend/doula,/whoever, though.

I agree that you should mention something to your stepdad - I'm surprised your mum hasn't already done so, though - does she know about the holiday?

MissDuke · 18/06/2015 09:52

Absolutely nothing wrong with having your mother there if hospital policy allows and if all are in agreement to it. Does your partner wish to be present? Sometimes the partner minds the children and mum is the birthing partner. Imo its vital to have to right person for the job when it comes to birthing partner, whoever that might be!

Sounds like this is not someone to rely on for childcare op. Is there anyone else at all? If not, then I think one of the birth partners will have to do it unfortunately. Perhaps right after the birth they could swap roles so the other can come in and see you and the baby?

Pumpkinpositive · 18/06/2015 09:56

Sorry a bit off topic but are we the only mammals who give birth with an audience?
I can't think of another species where the females don't go off on their own...but I guess there might be...

Are you aware of another species who routinely give birth in a hospital setting... on their own?