I've gone on strike!

[AoifeBell]

My bf always asks me to wash his work clothes at ridiculous hours. The other night it was 12am I

'but surely you give a person the chance.
I even said myself that the OP shouldn't put up with it unless there were improvements, but I believe in giving people the chance.'

He huffs and puffs, slams doors, strops, rows and moans when she doesn't wait on him. After 10 months. She's given him more than a chance. And he expects her to skivvy for him still.

I think it's such a shame there are men like the OPs bf and my dh who weren't brought up by their mums and taught right from wrong and even sadder that so many women wouldn't give them the time of day.

Bloody hell, if a daughter of mine was with a man as described by the OP I would encourage her to ditch him immediately and chalk it up to experience.

Why is it our duty to teach them how to behave?

I can see the shoe thing being a cute caring thing between a couple. But only if it's mutual, freely offered and crucially NOT in the context of the bloke expecting you to do loads of other stuff for him.

I am more worried about the fact he thinks you do nothing when you are looking after a 19m old baby, and the graceless lack of respect about the washing. "would you mind if I borrowed your washing machine to wash my work clothes? Where would you like me hang out this washing already in the machine? Thanks very much by the way, next time I come I'll bring a pack of washing tablets as I'm getting through yours". That's how a normal person would talk in a relationship.

OP, it's simply the way he speaks to you, it says a lot about what he really thinks if you.

And if we are being honest here and you are asking for advice, I have to say that you calling him a lazycunt is also awful. You don't speak about your partner like that ever. It says a lot about your relationship.

I haven't read the whole thread but I am guessing that OP and her bf anre young and that this is a new relationship.

Sounds like a couple of kids playing house together.

FFS!!

You deserve better than this. If you can't see it for you, what about your daughter? Do you want her growing up thinking this is normal, that this is her role in life?

Apart from his image of me being a 1950/s stepford wife he treats me very good

No, see, the two halves of that sentence do not compute.

He shouts, huffs and puffs, slams doors and flounces. Do you honestly want to spend your time with a teenager?

What sort of image of family life is being modelled for your child?

I've taken DH's shoes off for him. When he's so tired he's falling asleep on the sofa etc. He never asks me, though. I see it the same way as him vovering me with a throw if I'm not well. It's just a little kindness. But then he's never demanded pudding or for me to do his washing at midnight.

His poor sister. I suspect she's been treated like a slave by her father and brother since the death of the DM. From whom has he learned this behaviour? How does he treat his DSis? Tread very, very carefully with this man, to whom your daughter will be exposed.

But he doesn't treat you well at all! He treats you LIKE A SLAVE. YOU ARE NOT HIS EQUAL - in his eyes.

Is he a good role model for your dd??

He doesn't pull his weight. He's lazy, rude, stroppy, demanding and has a huge sense of entitlement. I can't honestly see why you think this is funny. Why aren't you running away as fast as you can from this loser?

BTW, I've done up DH's shoes if he's wearing our baby and he's forgotten to do his laces first. I've never taken his shoes off, however, for any reason. He helps me with my wellies sometimes, if I need his brute strength!
But what your partner seems to want is a show of subservience from you. 'Take off my shoes, slave!' It's not really about helping him out, is it? More like getting you to follow his orders... just awful.

"'I think it's such a shame there are men like the OPs bf and my dh who weren't brought up by their mums and taught right from wrong and even sadder that so many women wouldn't give them the time of day" And their fathers? Why weren't they teaching them this? this onus on mothers to teach their sons and then female partners 'training him up' just makes men's behaviour women's responsibility. And it feeds into the fact that household work is women's work, that men need to 'help' with or have special needs to learn.

They don't. It isn't fucking rocket science. And they have to do more complex tasks at work I'd imagine.

Oh and they do 'see' the mess. They just choose to ignore it. They don't consider it their responsibility.

^word.

And their fathers? Why weren't they teaching them this? New study has shown that roles are more defined by how much shitwork Dad does around the house than what job Mum does and what her role is.

Luckily my DD sees her DF cleaning and organising and being a man, rather than a small child.

Oh and they do 'see' the mess. They just choose to ignore it. They don't consider it their responsibility.

This is just such a huge sweeping sexist generalisation.

You can only say this about individuals if they see it and then complain, it could be they see it and don't care.

The taking off the shoes is the most peculiar! I mean, help with wellies is a different matter, everyone requires assistance there sometimes (plus it always gives DP cramp in the back of his leg )

If DP huffed and puffed and slammed a door because I asked him to put something of mine in the wash I'd think he'd gone nuts!

It isn't that DP is amazing- he's just a normal man. Your (D)P isn't behaving like a normal man.

I am meaning men who don't 'see' mess, 0x530x610x750x630x79. They do. Unless of course you don't want them to take responsibility for household chores .

but because they don't care it doesn't register as something that needs doing.

I was a complete slob for many years, and i would honestly look around the room and not see that anything needed doing.

For example I would look at the sofa and see the pile of clothes at one end, but that was ok as there were enough spare places for everyone that lived in the house, and were really handy for when it got chilly later, save me a run upstairs.

The line on mumsnet seems to be that because one person in the house cares that every seat is empy all the time, the other person (usually the man) is a bastard who believes it is his wifes work.
People on MN just can't seem to understand, that he doesn't believe it is her work, he believes it is no-ones work as it doesn't need doing, and if you care well you get on with it.

To continue the sexist example, if your partner considered having your car serviced every month (by you not the garage), fully washed and valeted twice a week was essential, but you didn't, so he did it as he couldn't cope with you not doing it.
Is he at fault for caring or you are at fault for not taking his care into account and doing work you don't give a flying fig about because it is important to him?

Am I using the car five times a day and leaving crumbs in it and using up the water?

Difference is 0x530x610x750x630x79, the OPs DH is telling her to do these things so he sees them but thinks it's her job only! Her OP says:

My bf always asks me to wash his work clothes at ridiculous hours

Then that he says to her to make him dinner, get him a drink, his shoes, his washing...

Your analogy only works in the OPs case if it's:

If your partner considered having your car serviced every month, fully washed and valeted twice a week was essential and that it was your job to do it and if you didn't he huffed and puffed and moaned.

Because OPs husband thinks it does need doing and is her job.

What is sexist is men saying the don't see the dirt/washing up/washing/hoovering and expecting women to pick up the slack.

When you live with someone in a house then it is a shared responsibility to do the housework. Saying you don't see the dirt but you don't expect anyone else to clean the dirt is pretty lame tbh. Especially if the person you live with does see it and does want help cleaning it. You are absolving yourself of responsibility and not giving the other person any support. Pretty shit really.

But this isn't what this thread is about. It's was just another similar scenario to this. But he knows what needs doing. He just expects her to do it.

So he is 24 the OP says...still young enough to get a kick up the backside and sort himself out.
How many threads do we see on here where mums are asking if they are being unreasonable in charging adult DC board, expecting chores to be done, etc..and how many posters still think the poor flowers should be charged only a few quid but have mum and dad waiting hand and feet on them. .because they are still young, still developing..those posters who say DC should be standing on their own feet get the face
The OPs partner sounds like one of those kids.
he still needs a kick up the arse though

Meant to add..those kids become someone's partner..If the aren't house trained by then some poor other bugger gets the job!