I've gone on strike!

[AoifeBell]

My bf always asks me to wash his work clothes at ridiculous hours. The other night it was 12am I

My dad is 91 with not long to go now.

I was at my parents' house yesterday and was going to give my dad a pedicure - his ankles are swollen and his feet aren't great because of his health problems.

I bent down to take off his shoes and he said, "Don't be silly, I'll do it myself." It took him a couple of minutes but he managed it because he wanted to be independent and hated the idea of being so ill that someone had to take his shoes off for him.

Your boyfriend hasn't had a mum around to mollycoddle him, so how has he managed to get through life without taking his own shoes off? Does his dad do it for him?

Oh Imperial I'm sorry to hear about your dad

I have put DPs socks and shoes on for him when he had two broken wrists.

He could get them off himself by using the other foot.

I can't see me every kneeling down in front of him to take his shoes off unless he was physically unable.

To answer your question, no, I have never taken DHs shoes off. He is 48, in good health, and we've been together 20 years. I did take the children's shoes off when they were a lot younger.

I'm guessing your bf is in his 20s? He is a nasty spoilt child. I'd be hideously embarrassed if my boys ever behaved like him.

I really can't get over the shoe taking off thing either. Does he think he's some kind of medieval king?

I also don't see how he can be amazing in every other way as you said OP. If he doesn't respect you what else is there?

I have never taken an adult's shoes off. My dh did, very kindly, help me to put on and take off my left shoe occasionally when I was in a straight leg brace after tearing my ACL and MCL. He did it because I was physically incapable of reaching down to my foot, and I was always very grateful to him.

It is not usual to expect another person to be your slave.

Oh god this sounds just like my flatmate years ago. Every night she would come home from work and immediately start cooking. When dinner was nearly ready her boyfriend would turn up - sit in the comfiest chair, put his feet up on a stool and she would then remove his work boots and massage his feet. Then she served up one meal on a plate, put it on a tray which she then placed on his lap. Any food remaining, ie meat, veg, potatoes, gravy etc was thrown into one saucepan from which she ate her meal, standing up.

I had never seen anything like it in my life and fortunately moved out shortly thereafter, which is just as well because my blood would boil just watching this ritual enacted every evening.

If your BF is like this now OP, unless you sort him out it can only get ten times worse as time goes on. I would be telling him to shape up or ship out.

He doesn't bring his washing it's just work clothes for the next day. He does take my shoes off if I ask but but I'm a grown up so usually do it myself. Really really not desperate to keep him! At that comment. I'm more than happy in myself and don't need man to give me happiness or validation.

Apart from his image of me being a 1950/s stepford wife he treats me very good (but obviously give me your opinions as I could be have my rose tinted glasses on!) he's very caring a good listener, he's good with my dd when they're around at the same time, he always makes sure we're looked after, he's spontaneous which I love, not just material things but massages, foot rubs etc, he would buy me the world if id let him. My family like him too. We've been together 10 months now. He's 24 im 27.

Sorry to hear about you dad imperial

No, he doesn't treat you well. He expects you to wait on him like a servant and dance round him, hence, when you're about to sit down for dinner, he wants a drink, his shoes taken off, his phone, etc. Your family thinks this is okay and this is where you get the idea that skivvying for someone is normal. It's not. His huffing, puffing, FFS and slamming doors when things don't go his way is not on.

No I have never taken DHs shoes off and he hasn't taken mine off and we have been married 30 years. It is not a normal thing to do.

This is what he's like after ten months?

That's it, my gob is truly smacked.

He's 24?????????? Jesus - imagine what he'll be like by the time he's 44 at this rate.

"he always makes sure we're looked after.." Except when he's expecting you to wait on him hand and foot (literally).

"he's spontaneous which I love..." Unless he's just come in from work and expecting you to wait on him hand and foot.

"he's very caring a good listener..." Well clearly he isn't. Otherwise he'd be hearing the things you are saying about him pulling his weight. So he only listens when he wants to.

"he would buy me the world if id let him" Buying things (if you've got the money, is easy. No indication of anything tbh.

Also the whole huffing and puffing, slamming of doors. Not attractive. Red flags for abuse.

Everyone on this thread is in agreement that his behaviour is appalling. Are you going to do anything about the relationship?

Oh God - it's not a Bitty situation is it?

If you want a life if servitude then stay with him.

Although being over generous with the money early on in the relationship can also be another red flag.

"He doesn't bring his washing it's just work clothes for the next day."

Er, that is bringing washing. Any normal person staying with their girlfriend would bring a change of clothes for the next day and take the dirties back with them, or (if only one set of clothes that has to be washed nightly for whatever reason) pop it in themselves. It being your house does not in any way make it your job to do any little job with which he presents you.

Can you see that it is NOT just his spoiled, twatty helpless ways which make him a bad lot? Far worse is his angry, abusive attitude when you (rightly) say no.

He thinks women are subhumans who just exist to serve him.

He sounds awful. He wants to use your washing machine At your house. He had to take your stuff out and kicks it and moans about doing everyone else's stuff??!!!! How childish does he sound. Any sd respecting adult would gladly and carefully remove someone else's washing. Not like you said he had yo dry it, iron it and put it away. To hang it on a door would have taken seconds. I know it's hard to see when your on it but it's really not normal behaviour!

OP, ok I'm going to go against the grain here.
My dh was like this when we first got together, not quite as bad but I do remember him ringing a bell when he wanted something when he had man flu

People can change and ime men like this fall into 2 categories.

1. Those who had mummy do everything for them and need to be taught that you are not mummy
2. My dh is in this category, those poor sods who didn't have a mummy to do these things, thinks its what women do and need to be taught you are not a substitute mummy.

It didn't take long and after 27 years together I can honestly say those firt few weeks are a very distant blur and a different man.

If he's great in other ways just let him know you aren't going to be his maid, if this is what he wants tell him good luck in finding one.
He'll soon shape up or ship out.

Sorry, OP I have just read the bit about him losing his mum young.
My dh parents divorced and he lived with his Dad.
He was never taught to do anything and his Dad neglected him.

I wonder if there is a similarity in men that aren't raised by their mothers.
It's up to you, but if you love him stick to your guns and don't be a skivvy, maid or door mat and his respect for you will be immense, I'm sure.
If not you can show him the door.
I for one don't think he's a bad person, just not educated yet

Thank you very much, BitOutOfPractice. You feel like you're being unreasonable when they've reached such an old age but you start thinking they're invincible and you get a huge shock when you realise they're not!

Thanks, AoifeBell.

Btw how do you pronounce Aoife? I've seen it loads of times and in my head it's Eve, but I bet I'm wrong!