Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not give my 12 year old daughter my apple ID password?

35 replies

ninja · 17/06/2015 08:12

She thinks I'm mean and should trust her - it's not that I don't trust her but it's a password linked to a credit card. It's also linked (though not the same) as other passwords of mine.

Think she's annoyed that I've caught her out that she's not been cleaning her teeth (I'm also mean for not trusting her to do this!). Or about one of the many other things she's annoyed about Sad

Not helped because it's my birthday and I didn't even get a 'Happy Birthday' from her, just shouting and grumpiness Sad

OP posts:
steff13 · 17/06/2015 08:20

Why does she want it? I would agree that it sounds like you don't trust her, but I don't know that she's trustworthy.

AlpacaMyBags · 17/06/2015 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FarFromAnyRoad · 17/06/2015 08:25

Happy Birthday Flowers. Have to say any daughter of mine who couldn't be arsed to remember or acknowledge my birthday would have a long old wait before she got any bonus like access to an Apple account.

whois · 17/06/2015 08:26

I would never do this! Set her up her own account and link a gift card to it, that way at least she can't max out your credit cards!

Exactly. No way should she have access to your password.

As PP said set up her own account on her own email with a £20 gift card and see how responsible she is with that.

fuzzywuzzy · 17/06/2015 08:28

Neither of my DC have access to my apple account or any account linked to credit cards/bank details. And my eldest is same age as yours. When they start earning money they can lo their credit cards to whatever they want. In the mean time I'm content to be mean and not owing thousands to Apple.

Happy birthday :)

googoodolly · 17/06/2015 08:32

Happy Birthday OP! Flowers

I agree with others that she shouldn't have access to an account that's linked to your credit card. Set her up with her own account and link it to a gift card or something. She can top it up herself buying cards in supermarkets and then she can only spend what she has.

I hope your day gets better!

SkippyTheBushKangeroo · 17/06/2015 08:36

Of course YANBU Smile

There have been some shocking threads on here about DCs going wild with their parents Apple IDs.

It's also not just about the money, if she has your Apple ID then she can charge any of the parental control settings that I hope you have set up. Wink

I'm much happier only using iTunes vouchers and no credit cards. I think it's safer plus you get to take advantage of discount. In the pat I've been able to buy half price ITunes vouchers through Tesco loyalty card.

h0peful · 17/06/2015 08:37

There is no way I'd permit this. Use family sharing on iCloud. That way she can download apps but you have to approve them first - a message is sent to your device and you can do it instantly. My children are a lot younger but I'd want to be keeping tabs on what was being downloaded.

Happy birthday

SkippyTheBushKangeroo · 17/06/2015 08:38

FAMILY SHARING

Toffeelatteplease · 17/06/2015 08:41

No one should ever have access to someone else's password. ever.

I think I'd be removing all computer privileges for her attitude especially on your birthday

Scoopmuckdizzy · 17/06/2015 08:42

YANBU. 2 years ago DSS spent nearly £100 on itunes using DH's details- apparently he hadn't even realised he was spending anything (in-app purchases) - we're still not sure what to believe but it just shows how easy it is for a lot of money to be spent in a short space of time.

fearandloathinginambridge · 17/06/2015 08:50

My 13 year old knows my Apple ID and my PayPal password. He always asks before he uses them and it's very rare that he does, usually Iieu of pocket money or when he has no money in his own accounts.

I think it's important to trust them until they give you reason not to. I have always been very clear that money doesn't grow on trees and credited him with the intelligence to understand that he has a responsibility not to spend stupidly with my money or his own. He also knows there'd be serious sanctions if he took the piss. So far he has never broken the trust.

Pagwatch · 17/06/2015 09:00

Happy birthday.

I have a 12 year old. I don't give her my passwords - why would she want them?
And if she was shouting and moaning and couldn't be arsed to wish me happy birthday, hell would freeze over before she got a trust and maturity based privilege.

I would be saying 'talk me through all the wonderful ways in which you behave that prove to me I should be giving you extra privileges?'

To be really honest I'm not even sure why you are asking. The answer is 'with her attitude? Fuck no'

mummytime · 17/06/2015 09:06

Why not set up family sharing for apple? And then you can approve her purchases if you approve, but not give away your password.

Passwords and PIN numbers should never be shared, and I am sure your DD has been taught this at school.

Shortandsweet20 · 17/06/2015 09:10

Set up family sharing! Don't you have to have an apple account to get any app even the free ones? I thought you did - surely she could have your password but don't fill in th card details option it gives you, that's what we did with my niece she can get free apps but no in app purchases or anything that Costs something!

Hullygully · 17/06/2015 09:14

What's with the teeth? Are they a red herring?

SkippyTheBushKangeroo · 17/06/2015 09:16

FearAndLoathing. I would completely trust my kids but I still wouldn't want to take any risks with porn or other unacceptable sites. If they have your Apple ID then they have free access to the Internet. (If you don't have parental controls on your home network).

It's not just porn it's other unsavoury stuff.

CocktailQueen · 17/06/2015 09:18

I have to say any daughter of mine who couldn't be arsed to remember or acknowledge my birthday would have a long old wait before she got any bonus like access to an Apple account.

This x 1000!!

HAppy birthday :)

SoupDragon · 17/06/2015 09:20

Both of my teen DSs have my Apple ID password, which is linked to my credit card. I get an email every time something is spent on it so they can't sneak anything through, plus I check the credit card statement and will come down very hard on anything that I haven't agreed to. They have had the password for about 2 years now so since Ds2 was about 12.

They ask every time they want to down load something - even if it only costs 99p or whatever the minimum is.

SoupDragon · 17/06/2015 09:21

This password is only used for things where I am happy for them to have access. Everything else has a different one/ones.

Whathaveilost · 17/06/2015 09:23

It's up to you what you do.
I didn't realise about family share but I gave DS2 my password when he was about 12 and he is 16 now. Never had any problems or suprise bills, maybetwenty or thirty quida month then nothing for ages but nothing I'm bothered about.
He just buys music and a couple of games.
The card I let him use has a low limit on and he hasn't gone anywhere near that ever.
If you don't want your child to do this, fair enough.

EnidB · 17/06/2015 09:28

Happy Birthday! I hope you can do something nice while she is at school

My son is the same age, and we have the Apple thingy that means he needs parental approval for purchases. It works well, and he pays back anything he buys from his pocket money!

Also, she has surely done internet / banking / computer security at school so should know it is totally unreasonable to expect to have access to your PIN etc

Re the teeth - get the dentist to show her what they use to extract teeth. My son has just had 5 teeth out pre brace fitting. I nearly keeled over when he opened the drawer to get the tools out - ok, maybe just show her some filling pictures on google images!!

Good luck!

mumeeee · 17/06/2015 09:31

Happy Birthday. YANBU No one should know your password. Not even my DH.knows my password to my Apple ID account and I don't know his.

reni1 · 17/06/2015 09:34

Happy birthday, op. Teach her basic IT security, nobody gets anyone else's password. Absolutely never, this is as important as credit card PINs. Trust does not come into it. Dh doesn't have or want mine, much less dc!

Tinklewinkle · 17/06/2015 09:35

YANBU.

My DD has my Apple ID linked to her phone, but needs me to put the password in (it's set so that you need to out the password in each time)

She did have a grump about it but I asked her why she felt she had the right to have access to my bank account, I wouldn't give her my bank card and pin. I'm happy to put the password in for her so she has no need to know it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread