Hospitals letting families stay overnight in antenatal wards - unreasonable?

[Sansarya]

A friend of mine is currently in hospital being induced and told me that she's in a room with three other women, also being induced, and last night couldn't sleep as one woman had her husband and parents stay over and they talked all night.

I know the topic of men in postnatal wards has been covered extensively here in the past, but it's news to me that some hospitals let entire families stay overnight. Surely it isn't unreasonable to limit it? If I was being induced and things were taking forever, as they are with my friend, I'd want to be getting as much rest as possible right now and would be very annoyed if I was kept up all night by a nattering family!

Unfortunately the postnatal ward was a nightmare. A year later I still have nightmares about it. I was there for nearly a week and by the end I was crying hysterically.

Same, Guyropes. The threads on here about partners and other relatives staying overnight has made me really afraid of going to hospital to give birth. Unfortunately in my case there would be no choice as I would have to have a C-section. I suppose I'll just have to pay for a private room.

Im due tomorrow with first so not had experience of birth and ward yet, however i was kept over for 2 nights on a maternity ward when i was about 27 weeks for observation and there were women there being induced - we all had family round for a bit but everyones family were asked to leave after 8 at the latest for people to sleep etc. I think it would be horrible having to deal with others chatty visitors when its late and you want to sleep. However im sure if you buzzed and complained they would have to ask them to leave...i hope so!!

My dh stayed with me when I was induced with DC2 as DC1 was still born and I refused to be without him in hospital. We had to have a private room to do this so we did but were kicked out of it before the induction had even started so then we were in multi bedded ward (but mostly being sent on 2hr walks to try to get induction to work)

Ha ha to rest and ha ha to the OP who said women who've lost babies presumably have their own room. Not really as they are usually under consultant care and therefore in the dungeon that is Delivery Suite. All the nice private labour suites with walls and doors and ensuites and lighting you can control are MLU only so not open to those who've had a traumatic time.

That said the staff did their best to look after us and the facilities when were actually bereaved were there and were good. Still had to labour on delivery suite listening to all the other babies being born in neighbouring rooms though

JakieOH I find your post to be a very sad reflection of the state of care in the UK. As a HCP you should have control over your ward and the patients assigned to you. If visitors are not following the rules you should be able to call security and have them removed. Who has decided it isn't your responsibility as a HCP to enforce the visitor rules?

Iv only experienced after birth and that was bad enough. I had the evils from the smug bottle feeding women who's babies slept soundly and they loudly blamed me for bf and baby crying. Even though he'd be ventouse delivery and was very distressed with probably a blooming sore head.

Baby no2, room with one other woman ones who's husband snored - bad even with earplugs so luckily they moved me.

Baby no 3 midwife led unit. BEST experience ever. Private room, bathroom, own tv, mw who had time to help with bf or just holding baby so I could sleep. Dh could stay on fold out sofa.

If someone had told me to shut up during labour I would have swung for them but I get a bit angry when I'm labouring

Deplora I'm sorry I wasn't clear. I meant that women who have lost a baby either before or during delivery should be given a private, dedicated room away from everybody else, with partners staying, after that delivery.

I agree with you that for subsequent deliveries there is a need for something similar and it isn't available but I hope that the majority of consultant led facilities in the UK do have at least a space dedicated to supporting parents in the immediate aftermath of a loss. If anybody knows of a unit which doesn't have a dedicated space for recently delivered and bereaved women then my first thought is MUMSNET CAMPAIGN!

Yanbu OP.
I was stuck in an end bay with the sink next to my bed. The bloody curtain didn't stretch all the way around the cubicle, so it was either have it a quarter open on the side with a full family having a bloody party or have it open on the tap side where the whole family helping themselves to water, washing their hands etc every bloody 5 minutes. I was trying to establish bf and has my top open trying to get a latch. I really didn't need someone's bloody grandad/uncle/sister/nephew popping his head round all day and evening. They seriously must have had ten people around the bed and were pushing the chairs under the curtain to wedge themselves in and screeching with laughter. Nobody said anything. Totally ruined my first day with my son. I couldn't rest or sleep and I has been up for 72 hours. Selfishness in the extreme.

Writing as a nurse, I am always amazed by the number of visitors who believe the advertised visiting times do not apply to them. I work on a surgical ward, where patients need quiet rest, and also to eat their meals in peace, without feeling they have to entertain the family. Catheter bags have to be emptied, bloods taken, bed baths had and no one wants to have any of that done with an audience. People have no manners these days.

Hi Ted and Lola. Sorry to hear your situation. When I had my first, the deal was that there were no guests on post natal/ antenatal except during visiting hours, and c section got you a private room.

I think it has changed due to pressure from women wanting their partners, and it sounds like the consequences can be dire.

But not all trusts have changed their policy, so I would try to check the policy so that you know what it is and can argue if it is not being enforced.

Like a pp said, its women who have been through the mill who suffer from this. If you want your entire family round 24/7, home birth is also a good option for having this!

I hope my pregnancy remains stable and I get the option of a home birth.

With DD1 I spent 3.5 weeks in ante natal with unstable placenta praevia. I was on a 4 bedded ward next to the nurses station. The reason for this was so they could keep an eye on me, in case I hemorrhaged so quickly I couldn't press the buzzer. Nice idea, but since everyone in labour (understandably) wanted their curtains closed, I couldn't be seen anyway.

On one night a fellow patient had such poor Wnglish, they allowed her to call a female relative to act as interpreter, she turned up with 2 men (at about 2.30 am) who proceeded to chat away all night.

After 10 days on the ward, not even allowed to visit the main building coffee shop with DH I lost the plot, burst into tears all over a doctor. She took me outside for half an hour, just chatting in the (not very chilly for early March) fresh air, I was moved to a single room the next day, which really helped. I was allowed to work, have a laptop to watch Dvd's.

Another night all the other visitors had left, except one lady's husband and young child, I guess about a year old. The little girl was tired and fractious, rather was useless. It got to 10pm and I'd had enough I went to the nurses station and asked why they were still there? Explained they were disturbing e and I wad unhappy (yet again) to have a man on the ward after visiting hours had finished 2 hours earlier. I asked as a bare minimum for them to be sent to the dining room or lounge, they were.

want2be unfortunately as a population people now feel entitled and in these situations sometimes are unable to see the bigger picture past their own situation. if we were to phine security for every relative who refused to leave we woukd need to have them in each ward. Just the way it is unfortunately, hard to understand unless you have worked in an acute ward.

Every story you hear about awful care in hospitals is one sided. How often have you heard a nurse or HCP being interviewed in response to these stirues? Never! Had the midwife in the OP situation created a scene and had the relatives physically removed. Well you can imagine how the public eould percieve a relative comforting a stressed out unwell patient being forced to leave by an uncaring heartless midwife? The hospital would no doubt be sued and the midwife struck off. That's no exaggeration either that's what happens, all the time! Unfortunately the entitled blame culture we live in. Really quite sad and unfair on those that respect the rules, and consider those around them!

Another point I'd make is that there are special circumstances which mean rules don't apply, that other patients may not be aware of. YANBU OP but the blame, I suspect lies with the selfish visitors making the noise and not with the hospital or staff. They are effectively powerless if the relatives are not posing a risk to others.

Sorry for the rubbish spelling and grammar, on phone and it's late

I really cannot believe you can do "nothing"

Jakie - Rock hard place.

I've never heard of anything more ridiculous and nanny state I. My whole life. Can these women not go anywhere with out their d.p. When I had my dd. you just had to get on with it. People are ridiculously pampered now

I had a perfectly normal induction and delivery but my DS was taken to SCBU due to various issues. I then had to sit on the post natal ward while the woman opposite me had approx 30 visitors at once (I'm not even exaggerating) and took about 20 photos a minute, with the flash, while her cousins, nieces, nephews and other extended family literally ran up and down the ward. This was after my aunt and cousin were asked to leave as only my DH and mum were allowed as each person was only allowed two visitors.

With DD, I was in the labour room overnight (she was born very close to midnight and it wasn't a straightforward labour/birth - preeclampsia for me with prom of 48hr+ and resus for DD) and DH stayed with me, but he wouldn't have stopped overnight if I was on a post natal ward.

Because of the preeclampsia, I spent many a day (and night) on the antenatal ward and I would never have expected DH to stay beyond the normal visiting hours! Why would he?! I wouldn't expect him to stop day and night if I was in for any other reason!

With DS, within 5 mins of giving birth (again a prom of 48hr+) I was kicked onto the post natal ward - I still hadn't managed to clean myself up after giving birth, let alone put my fucking knickers back on. Because my membranes had been ruptured for 48hrs I had to stay on post natal for 12hrs before being discharged. DH came back for me at exactly 12hrs, at my request demand and we were home for the night.

Jackie I'm here in the US and they are crystal clear that as a visitor if you don't follow the rules you are not allowed back. I had a friend try to bring her DS into my room and she was stopped as the rules are no children under 12 unless they are siblings. My friend gave the nurse a look of disbelief and she was put on the banned visitor list. It's a tough approach but quite frankly she deserved it. Oh and don't even think of complaining to the hospital about a nurse trying to nurse. Contrary to popular belief in the UK any legal action would get nowhere.

All these stories of visitors being loud and staying past agreed hours is awful but I think it's totally unacceptable for men to be in the ward past allowed hours. Your trying to BF, do skin on skin or just cope with the aftermath of birth and men should not be there past allowed hours.

In the US not UK would legal action would get nowhere.

Postnatal ward that I was on allowed partners and children to visit 8am to 10pm. Woman in the next bed had three small kids that visited (thankfully not for the whole time) who were clearly bored as fuck and kept messing with the curtains and peeping through into my cubicle. Her little girl actually stepped through at one point, I was so furious.

Two women opposite got given a bollocking by a midwife for sitting and chatting until gone midnight.

I hated being there so much. Two nights was way too long

Want2be, unfortunately here in the uk hidpital managers are more worried about public perception than fact. They're more worried about what stories might be published than they are for the welfare of their staff. That's a fact, I've worked on this profession for 15 years here in the UK