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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hospitals letting families stay overnight in antenatal wards - unreasonable?

121 replies

Sansarya · 17/06/2015 07:31

A friend of mine is currently in hospital being induced and told me that she's in a room with three other women, also being induced, and last night couldn't sleep as one woman had her husband and parents stay over and they talked all night.

I know the topic of men in postnatal wards has been covered extensively here in the past, but it's news to me that some hospitals let entire families stay overnight. Surely it isn't unreasonable to limit it? If I was being induced and things were taking forever, as they are with my friend, I'd want to be getting as much rest as possible right now and would be very annoyed if I was kept up all night by a nattering family!

OP posts:

paddypants13 · 17/06/2015 09:17

I was in a post natal ward after DD was born because I was trying to establish BF.

The woman in the bed opposite spent all her time either on the phone very loudly complaining about how all the breast fed babies were keeping her and her babies awake (she had had twins so presumably had decided to bottle feed from start). Or she was moaning to her massive extended family about the rest of us keeping her awake. No dear it's you with your ever ringing mobile and 20 people at your bedside (limit was 2). If you're such a bloody parenting expert beggar off home and stop making the rest of us feel shit! Grrrr...

wfrances · 17/06/2015 09:17

strict visitation when i had my last ds age 11
he was born 7pm ish and was about 9ish going back to ward ,even though the ward was empty(christmas eve ) and dp had only seen his baby for 2 hours he had to leave as no visitors allowed after 9.
this was fine by me.
pims- congratulations ,when are you going home?

pimsandlemonade · 17/06/2015 09:25

Now they are having a loud skype conversation- it makes me so angry.
I know shared ward will never be quiet but visitors should have some consideration to the mothers who actually need to be there.
I wish i had the courage to say something!!

pimsandlemonade · 17/06/2015 09:27

Wfrances, thank you!
Hopefully tomorrow, I wish I could go now though...
Had 3 hrs sleep last night and with the noisy neighbours it doesn't look like i will get much during the day

Original poster

Sansarya · 17/06/2015 09:28

It got worse for the friend in my OP though - the woman was taken to the labour ward but her family are still hanging out in the room so that they can take it in turns to sleep on the bed! I think that's outrageous. Why can't they go to the visitors' room?

OP posts:

ToysRLuv · 17/06/2015 09:29

We didn't have this, but the shared room I stayed in was right next to the nurses' station so phones and buzzers went all night, as well as the loud chatting and giggling . The room also had the loudest lidded bin on earth used by nurses all the time. All this meant that even if nobody was talking on the phone, or the babies had all stopped crying, I still could not sleep. I was fresh out from EMCS and had the beginnings of a near psychotic PND. I had to check myself out on day 5 against medical opinion.

Klayden · 17/06/2015 09:34

I'd complain like hell and I don't 'do' complaining. There's a reason why we have single sex wards. Dignity, anyone? Women often feel very undignified during the labour and childbirth process. They should not be in her bed either, it is an infection risk!

redexpat · 17/06/2015 09:39

I havent given birth in the UK, only in Denmark. Both times on the post natal ward we were given a private room with 2 beds. It is expected that the fathers stay to help with the more minor nursing tasks such as getting you food, drink, helping you to your ensuite bathroom. At one of the hospitals there is a patient hotel which is attached to the postnatal ward so the fathers can sleep there if there are lots of women and there are two in each room.

But the difference is, you give birth as an outpatient, and they only let you stay for 24 hours after giving birth (which I think is wrong) so the turnaround is quite fast. If you've had a c section or complication then you can stay longer.

flojo73 · 17/06/2015 09:41

pimmsandlemonade-go and say something to one of the midwives on the ward, they will have a word for you. You don't have to confront the visitors yourself but if they are being that inconsiderate someone needs to tell them.
And congratulations!

RB68 · 17/06/2015 09:44

The turnaround is quite quick here for a normal birth - same day has been known!

Original poster

Sansarya · 17/06/2015 09:45

I honestly cannot believe the hospital are allowing this. Having someone else's family visiting them in the next bay when you are in labour is bad enough but for them to stay there by themselves is even worse!

OP posts:

Thancred · 17/06/2015 09:49

Go and tell the midwife, or buzz for her if you're not on your feet yet, and say you don't want them to know it was you who said something but you want them chased out. You need your rest and you need some quiet time with your baby.

Mermaidhair · 17/06/2015 10:04

If I was in the UK I would call the hospital for you! Just press your buzzer, you have every right to have quiet. Congratulations

seastargirl · 17/06/2015 10:06

I was in for 10 days after a very scary emcs, first couple of nights in icu, but then in a bay with a woman and a traveling circus, I've never known people eat so much, they had McDonald's breakfast, chippy for lunch and Indian tea, she also ate all the hospital food. The room constantly stank of take out. I was in nicu with baby most the time, but got woken up on 3 occasions when he popped in with their take away pizza supper. On day 7 I sobbed at the nurses station and begged for a private room which they managed to sort for me. Wish I'd done it sooner.

You should speak to the ward clerk, she was like the bouncer on our ward during the day and would kick anyone out, she used to all me twenty questions when I tried to get back on the ward as she didn't believe I was a patient because I'd got dressed!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 17/06/2015 10:22

Omg that sounds horrendous ! I can't believe hospitals are allowing it

FFS1970 · 17/06/2015 10:28

What a nightmare but have experienced something similar. With Ds1 after a 3 day failed induction and an EMCS was put onto a shared ward with 3 others. DH not allowed to come with me even though he had been tasked with 'reminding me to breathe' by the anesthetist in recovery. These women had multiple visitors, on the phone loudly and even playing music! After 12 hours, and a hideous midwife coming into my cubicle and shouting at me to get out of bed and feed my baby who was crying, I still had reduced feeling in my legs and was catheritised, I phoned my husband crying and demanded he come to the hospital and take me home. We ended up paying £120 a day for a private room for my 5 day stay, high blood pressure related. You really need to raise it with the midwives on duty if possible. Some people are really bloody inconsiderate!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/06/2015 11:31

Some horrendous stories on this thread. I trained as a nurse back in the 1980s, and there is no way any of the battle-axe sisters I trained under would have allowed any of these shenanigans on their wards!

Sleep is an essential part of recovery - from illness, surgery or childbirth - and it should be the first priority of the ward staff to ensure that the patients under their care get the essentials for recovery.

I do think it is also indicative of the way society seems to have become so much more selfish and thoughtless. Why do these people think it is OK for them to behave like this? It doesn't take much in the way of intelligence or empathy to realise that, on a hospital ward, there are going to be people who need and want peace and quiet. Most of us wouldn't dream of being so selfish as to talk all night - to a visitor or on the phone - or to play music etc all night - so why do some people think it is OK?

The problem for the ward staff is that the sort of person who thinks it is OK to be loud all night, have loud visitors all night, eat smelly takeaways etc etc, is also the sort of person who would really kick off if asked to keep it down/send their visitors away.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/06/2015 11:32

I should say - when I say 'battle-axe sisters' - I mean this as a compliment! They made sure the nurses they trained had the highest standards, and they made sure their patients got the best of care.

RebootYourEngine · 17/06/2015 11:46

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SAY SOMETHING TO THE MIDWIVES.

My local hospital would not stand for that.

hibbledibble · 17/06/2015 12:02

That is shocking behaviour, and I'm sure is against the hospitals visitor policy. Yy to telling the midwife in charge.

I don't think anyone except the patient should be allowed to stay overnight in a shared bay, for the dignity of all the patients.

juneau · 17/06/2015 12:05

She needs to complain. If she just lies there being all British and saying nothing, then the situation will stay the same. Shared wards are fine for company from the other patients IME, but a bunch of strangers chatting all night in your sodding bedroom??? No thanks.

ElleGrace · 17/06/2015 12:09

YANBU. Last year I was in hospital for almost a week with glandular fever- a very extreme case of it. Being awake was unbearably painful and all I wanted was to sleep. Unfortunately, the ears, throat and mouth ward was full so I had to stay in A and E for a few days where there isn't the same regulations about visitors as on other wards.
Two women involved in the same car accident were on beds either side of me, loudly shouting across from eachother at 2am in the morning. What's more, the lights don't get turned off at night in A and E. Their families came to visit about an hour later, and stayed until 6am. Neither ladies appeared to have suffered any serious damage, and there condition certainly was not critical.
When people are in hospital, and certainly when being induced, rest is supposed to be the one of the main privileges.

MrsPeterQuill · 17/06/2015 12:19

The least they could do if they're stopping is to be as quiet as possible, in regard to other patients.

I was induced with dd, they sent DH home, wouldn't let him come back when labour started during the night and he consequently missed the birth! I don't know if that's changed at my local hospital now.

TheFairyCaravan · 17/06/2015 12:23

Christ on a bike! Please encourage her to complain.

Pimms congratulations on your new baby, but my lovely don't lie there being disturbed by that family. Call the midwife and ask her to get them to leave. You need some peace and quiet. If she won't get her to send up PALs.

I'd be most unhappy with random men and strangers hanging about day and night after I had just given birth, or was labouring, or even if I was in hospital in general. I think DH would complain, too, actually.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 17/06/2015 12:24

When I had DS2 the woman in the next bed to me had just had a c section. Every day for 4 days her DH brought her 18 month old daughter in for her to look after. The poor woman was a wreck by the end of each day, eventually one midwife did say enough was enough as the toddler was just all over the ward, whilst the woman hand washed baby clothes in the sink and hung them everywhere.

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