to ask for ideas to make MILs visit unpleasant

[underthegardengate]

I have recently reached a point of no going back hatred towards my narcissistic MIL after many years of being intimidated by her and letting her get away with being nasty. We are dreading the visit but DH is not able to cope mentally with telling her not to come (still afraid of her), so she has to come. But to humour myself and make it more bearable, I want to make her stay as awful as possible. Please help me think of ways to make it as dreadful for her as possible.

Jane

Give her a pot noodle for dinner

God what a horrible op, do people really think like this? Ever heard of turning the other cheek?

I'm sure they have theycallme

it's a really good way to become a doormat.

I should imagine the OP's cheeks would be both be battered black and blue if she followed that philosophy - narcs don't stop just because they've got the upperhand, they keep going because they LIKE HURTING PEOPLE.

FFS.

Some great advice here (especially fenella). Maybe if you thought of the visit more of a choice you have made to support your husband in his (misguided) loyalty, something which you will tackle him on later, rather than something forced upon you, it might change your mentality a bit and help you feel more empowered.

Also, the polite detached disinterest is good, but maybe practice a bit before she comes - practice in front of the mirror raising an eyebrow or laughing a bit and saying "Really?", "Yes, dear", "Oh dear, that was a bit nasty/rude wasn't it", "Pardon?" or whatever stock phrases, saying them out loud and practicing them will really help you to stop being blind-sided.

Also, remember that, she causes a lot of hurt and havoc, but can't be a very happy person so is more to be pitied really....not that she's deserving of sympathy or to minimise the hurt she's caused, but it might diminish her power a bit..

Just be yourself.

Er no sorry I don't buy the idea that the only way of dealing with a horrible person is been horrible to them. Perfectly possible to be assertive and respectful, it's identifying respectfulness with being a doormat and assertiveness with bullying that's the problem.

I agree with BattleAxe, this is ridiculous. If she has caused such hideous pain and suffering to the family, the answer is NOT to have her in the house and TELL her why.

I always associate turning the other cheek with not standing up assertively for yourself, but letting everythign go with a deep breath and gritted teeth and ending up being walked all over

S'pose it depends on what you understand by the phrase.

Exactly Hissy.

What exactly are you scared of OP? You and your DH are both adults. Just say she can't come and you won't be able to host her.

I can't believe two grown adults are so scared of someone that they end up letting her come and playing spiteful tricks on her because they are too scared to say no.

Just say no. She cannot physically hurt you. Say no over the phone and the whole trip doesn't need to take place.

Id find out the dates shes coming, then Have a look on groupon getaways or something for a nice weekend/week away somewhere.

If your dh doesnt have the balls to deal with it, that doesnt mean you need to sit there and have an awful time in your own home.