AIBU to ask for more board from 22 year old son?

[tomjonesishot]

Hi everyone

I've read the board for ages but have registered to ask a question as I really don't feel I'm being unreasonable but my son (22) does and it's causing arguments.

He's just started a new job and I've found out he's earning £200 per month less than me, with him earning 1100 per month.

I pay everything, all the household bills, he pays nothing.

Until this new job, which was around 800 p/m he's been paying 20 per week board which includes everything - food, all utilities, rent, internet etc and I do all his washing, ironing, make his packed lunch for work. He doesn't do any chores in the house, maybe changes his bed a couple of times a month but invariably I end up doing it all as I can't stand mess and clutter, dishes in the sink etc - I accept that's my problem, I can't even have a cushion out of place so I don't expect him to clean/tidy to my standards but would like more help with taking the bin out, putting washing in etc.

He makes his own meal of an evening and is generally tidy, just not as tidy as me lol. He really is a lovely lad, if a bit lazy, and I'm very proud of him re getting a degree, having no problems re drinking, drugs, police etc and his work ethic.

I've asked him for more board as he's earning more, frankly I'm struggling a bit financially and the extra money would be very handy. I'll let you know how much I've asked for if anyone would be kind enough to say what they think would be fair?

Thank you! :)

I guess the way I see it is hes your child - not your DP/DH so he shouldn't be sharing tasks and be responsible for bills etc.

If a grown adult is choosing to live in his parents home then yes he bloody well should take on responsibility for paying bills and housework .

I really don't understand this school of thought which says we have to coddle our children up until the point they leave home. Part of parenting is to teach your children how to be functioning adults and that includes knowledge of how to run a house, how to budget, paying ones bills and being financially responsible.

£300 is very fair imo, particularly if you are struggling. If he thinks that too much, point him in the direction of letting websites. I disagree with posters saying 22 is an adult, the brain is still developing and you will be doing a massive favour by encouraging to do a bit more around the home you both share.

He's using half gas, electric, internet, food bill - calculate how much it is an half then add some for rent

Houseshares round here are around £240-300 a month

My sister lives at home for £140 after arguing it down from £200 but buys some of her own food and does her own chores/washing etc

My sil also lives at home and pays £200 but that includes all food and she does nothing round the house

I think £200 plus looking after himself and contributing to shopping is fair. Maybe £250 all in?

He really is a lovely lad, if a bit lazy

Well of course he's a bit lazy...I would be too if I had someone doing my washing and ironing plus making my lunches!

I have seen so many parents say similar things...you reap what you sow.

After the first weeks/months wages I would expect one third of his income as board. My brother once tried to argue about payments when he was 18 , and decided it would be cheaper to move out...then he realised he would have to pay rent ,utilities , good shopping and cooking, cleaning,etc etc .he soon changed his mind and never complained again.re your son saying no one else is paying.....no way , no mother I know charges less than 25percent .

Of course 22 is an adult! I'd bought my own house at 20 and was happily managing the budget and chores!

Completely agree he needs to pay more and learn some life skills while his brain is 'still developing!'.... Before he is stuck with you forever!

Not everyone is Peggy. The male brain is not fully developed until around 26 according to current research. I think boys tend to be more indulged than girls with regard to home life. I had my flat at 18 but was prepared for bills and the rest.

It is doing an adult in employment no favours not to charge them rent and a share of all bills. They need to see how the real world operates and budget accordingly, not fritter money away by going out every night!

I'd be charging him £300 and giving him a list of chores to do as well.

If you don't feel comfortable with that much money then it might be nice to keep (say) half and save he rest up and give it back to him as a surprise gift when he gets his own place.
My folks did a similar thing with me and when I moved out I got a couple of grand back from them which let me totally furnish my new place - I was over the moon.

if the 1100 is take home pay then £260 is very very reasonable. Should be much more, remember he is getting rent, all utilities, food, chef, cleaner, laundry etc etc for that!!!

I'd say £350 was much fairer.

When I was earning ~£600/month my parents took £200 (20+ years ago). tbh I thought that was fair as the alternative was find somewhere cheaper.

Agree with others, in his 20's he shouldn't be getting used to so much disposable income, and you shouldn't be struggling financially when you have another adult in the house earning.

If he doesn't want your offer, I'll have it £260 for all-in? I can only dream of such a thing!

My ds opals £250 and puts money on the leccy key. He also has to babysit his younger sisters sometimes when I work.

Pays, how the hell did opals get there!

When there were 2 adults and 2 working adult dd they paid 1/4 of wage board, cooked every 4th night. Totally responsible for own laundry and pack ups. Also shared shopping and walking the dog. Prepared them for current lives independent from us. I did save half of the board they paid and gave it to the as deposit, first and last months rent when they finally moved out. But they didn't know!

I used to pay my mum 20% of my earnings. It's a decent contribution while leaving lots to play with (even during the lean months of the commission based job I had).

Fuck me, I had 2dc and a flat of my own by that age
Although it's a very difficult time for young people at the moment to buy or even rent, he doesn't appear to be saving money to put towards moving out. Id ask for £300 and tell him he would be responsible for his own washing, packed lunches and dinners twice a week and putting the bins out.

Thanks everyone for your comments, sorry been at work all day so just caught up

Can I just clear up the 'going out every night' comments? He's not out partying or spending money - he plays for two football clubs and a pool team so it's mostly training and matches, though like any young lad he goes drinking on a weekend (I just thank God he wasn't like me at that age, all my money went on drinking and partying

Well we've sat down and talked - I showed him all my outgoings (not personal ones, just household) and showed him my disposable income left after that. I then showed him his disposable income after paying £240 and his disposable income. I then asked how on earth he could argue that £240 was too much? (he couldn't So I offered him the choice - either £200 all in, or £240 with food. He's decided on £200 - but I bet that won't last long when he sees how much it actually costs suits me fine as I'll be quids in ha!

He's also going to do the lawn every week, put the bins out, make his own packed lunch , strip his bed, put it in the washer every Thursday (that's my major clean up night when 'big' jobs get done), buy his own food and he makes his own meal at night anyway - we don't eat the same food/at the same time so no I wouldn't want him making mine.

I think he's a bit in shock at the mo but he knows there is no negotiating. He's been carried for far too long, and it's changing.

Thanks again to everyone for their input...don't think he's grateful though ha!! Tough!

You are going to get stuck with him in the house forever, as no woman will want him, when they realize he is a lazy sod who is unable to take of himself, because his mum is babying him.

Rod for own back here!

That's a result. I'm more impressed with the re-distribution of chores as you'd find it very difficult for people outside your family to agree on what is fair.

but he knows there is no negotiaotong

Yet you told him £260 and then offered £240 or £200

Anyway, he sounds like a nice lad and hopefully he will realise off his own back what it means to be a responsible adult as I have a feeling that you will end up doing a lot more of his jobs!

Ha he certainly has no probs with the ladies Quint! I'm pleased he's got a steady girlfriend as I was sick of trying to remember names of the latest (ok not quite true but he certainly never has problems getting and keeping girls)

He makes meals for his GF, takes her out for meals, obviously doesn't clean for her or anything as they don't live together.

He's more than capable of cleaning, cooking full meals etc and does. I've just molly coddled him too much and it's changing

sorry Ninja, 260 was my mistake, should have been 240 - 60 per week

oh and I bloody won't you know! (do more jobs) And he knows - things are changing, and it feels bloody great

What out for the food thing my son who decided he didn't want food included in his keep to save himself some money, but still thought he could use salt, pepper, mayo, butter, ketchup and stuff like that...all adds up..