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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what's the most tactless thing anyone has ever said to you?

456 replies

Squirrel78 · 15/06/2015 19:42

I've had someone come up to me today gushing "I didn't know you were expecting again?!" I'm not. Don't know who was more mortified - her or me! My stomach has grown over the last few months probably because I don't exercise enough. Now I'm tearful, depressed and embarking on a diet and the only thing that can cheer me up is s bit of shared misery!!

OP posts:
grimbletart · 15/06/2015 21:15

Aunt in law to MIL after commenting on the fact that my eight month pregnancy was hardly showing "She'd be really skinny if it wasn't for her nice sturdy legs". Gee thanks aunt in law.

Tangofandango · 15/06/2015 21:17

My hair had just started growing back after chemo, I looked a bit like a coconut but had decided I looked ok enough to start going out without a hat. My first trip out post-hat was to the eye hospital.

The nurse was asking questions for my records and asked if I was on any medication. I told her I was taking Tamoxifen. She asked if it was for breast cancer, when I said yes she nodded towards my hair and said "I did wonder, you wouldn't choose that hairstyle deliberately would you?".

Thanks for that.

Destinysdaughter · 15/06/2015 21:19

I was raped when I was 16. A few years ago I told this to a Dr. She asked me if it was ' an accident?' No it fucking wasnt..!

MrsDeVere · 15/06/2015 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilverBirch2015 · 15/06/2015 21:22

Not as upsetting as some people's, I know.

When I was the manager of a charity shop, I was following 2 lads around the shop, keeping an eye on them as they had shop lifted in the past. One turned around to give me the delightful information that I looked just like Matt Lucas. Not knowing quite what to say and feeling a bit humilated, I said that's not that surprising as he's my brother. Totally untrue, but they believed me, I heard them telling a friend later! Grin.

FIL in a very loud voice at a family gathering asked my DH whether Silver's DB was fat too!

awombwithaview · 15/06/2015 21:22

Oh my goodness! What is wrong with people?! Mine aren't nearly so bad but when I told two of my colleagues I was adopting I got

[head tilted to one side] " can't you have your own babies then luvvie?" ...the fact the person who said it was twice divorced and childless helped me just about not punch her as I broke my happy news.

The second, utter cow, said 'don't you want your own babies then?'.

Everyone else was brilliant apart from those two it must be said.

My DM also commented on DBIL who is gay 'it's such a shame he's like that isn't it. He's such a lovely chap. He'd make a woman very happy.' But then she thinks anyone who is gay has been 'turned' by another predatory gay person....Hmm And yes, I have corrected her, numerous times Grin

My Dad's incredibly tactless. He's managed to call one of my sisters fat several times post-baby and he's utterly oblivious to why that might be offensive.

EmilyMaitliss · 15/06/2015 21:25

Mrs DeVe should have said when I posted that I'd only read up to page 6, not the whole thread ... some really terrible ones after that ... and before ... don't mean to trivialise anyone's .... I'm astonished at how vile people can be.

The80sweregreat · 15/06/2015 21:26

First ever yoga class ( long time ago now) the teacher looked me up and down and muttered 'will have to be careful, not had a pregnant lady in the class for while' - wasn't pregnant. like Elsa, I had to let it go..

GennyTaylor · 15/06/2015 21:26

I went with a boyfriend to a bistro type restaurant and he ordered champagne. Nothing really expensive. The front of house guy bought it over and asked what we were celebrating. We said nothing in particular - which was met by the line

Oh, you don't look like the sort of people who drink champagne for no reason..

therealsquireofwideacre · 15/06/2015 21:30

Flowers oldteddy and everyone here

Just a few days ago, a "friend" hearing my brother is terminally ill: "someone somewhere is waiting for their miracle IVF baby, just think how happy they will be when your brother 'goes through the door'". Even if I believed in reincarnation I can't see how this was meant to be comforting.

Dogseggs · 15/06/2015 21:31

When toddler DD and met my DH's grandmother for the first time, she said (in her own language, presumably thinking I wouldn't understand) "what a shame she is such a big girl, I hope their DD1 doesn't grow up to be that size". I was a size 12 at the time :/

SilverBirch2015 · 15/06/2015 21:31

MIL whilst looking at some family photos including my DS and her GS "what a shame, he does look so much like you". I think she meant not so much like her own DS, my DH. She did realise what she had said and tried to apologise, so I wasn't really that offended, and it actually makes me smile still.

WaverleyOwl · 15/06/2015 21:32

When announcing I was pregnant to a friend, after a long time trying, and our first cycle of ivf (all of which she knew about):

"So, is the baby you husband's?"

Really? That's the best congratulations you could come up with?

CrapBag · 15/06/2015 21:32

I have actually gasped at some of these. People are so ignorant and cruel.

Mine is nothing like them but I've not got over it really. In a pub, bloke comes over to tell me that I really look like Velma from Scooby Doo. I'm self conscious enough about my looks sometimes without needing to hear that. I got different glasses and grew my hair long because of him, will never have a bob again. I've also had I look like a librarian (from a good friend at the time), I look prim and proper (another friend) and from a current friend when we were all discussing first impressions of each other, apparently I looked like a prefect. Hmm

Then everyone is really surprised when they get to know me and discover that I am not a librarian prefect prim and proper nerd. My cousin said it best once "you look respectable but you have a wild side" Grin now that I liked, and is true.

icelollycraving · 15/06/2015 21:34

Last week my mum said "no point really having a child when you Palm them off all the time". That would be nursery,holiday club & school.

wannabestressfree · 15/06/2015 21:35

Loads unfortunately....
My dgm when I had my stoma put in said 'disgusting, your poor poor partner'
I know have horrific scarring and a likely tumour and many people ask if I am pregnant (it's enormous but only on one side) even my beloved boss said to me 'I would have mentioned IT but I thought being fat was part of your illness'
Unfortunately these are both mediocre compared to my parents but I could fill twenty pages with their beauties..... :(

Fannyfannakerpants · 15/06/2015 21:35

I miscarried one twin, quite early but I was still devastated. More than one of my friends said a comment along the lines of "I bet you're relieved. Can you imagine having twins? "
Every day I look at my little girl and imagine her twin. I feel guilty that she doesn't have her sibling. I feel like no one ever let me grieve because I was lucky now to just have one.

Cabawill · 15/06/2015 21:36

A work colleague once said to me about 7 years ago: You have such a pretty, pretty face. If only you were 5 stone lighter you'd be gorgeous. Hmm Thanks?

MiscellaneousAssortment · 15/06/2015 21:37

Oh I have a target all over my face:

  • disabled
  • single
  • mother

Yay a hat trick! Especially hard was the two years when I became severely disabled, from being a seemingly normal person, and there were some awful comments off people who couldn't cope with what was happening to me. And therefore were desperate to prove that either I wasnt 'one of them anymore', or that it was my fault in some way, or preferably, both. Sick fuckers. That hurt and anger never goes away.

A very senior person at the company where I worked: 'you're not ill you just need to lose some weight. Go to the gym and stop complaining'

Oh and 'you've had two weeks off this last 12 months, youve had your turn' when I was facing a diagnosis or best case scenario, severe disability and early death, or worst case scenario, terminal within months. I'd been pressured into cancelling hospital appointments, coming straight in after awful appointments including biopsies, and was forced to fly to Germany for 3 day 20hrs a day work when extremely ill and with a doctors note to say that any movement could deteriorate my condition and air travel was expressly banned. Sick fuckers.

Another very senior person: 'oh well, are you sure it just affects your body then, you're not ummm (makes rude gesture) mental?' Id just explained what I had and symptoms etc. in detail. It was her job to know this. So she knew exactly what it was, but she couldn't conceive of someone being physically ill, without becoming mentally deficient in some way. Grrrr.

And the best ones 'why didn't you know you were going to become disabled. Don't you think it was selfish to get married, and then to have a baby?' Off several people... Errrr, wow, didn't know my dodgy genes also came complete with a crystal ball so I'd know a decade before showing any symptoms... Yup that's me. Fuckkng selfish.

And loads more which I suppose could be considered ignorance (vs stupid evil fuckers!) but I won't get started :)

mughandle · 15/06/2015 21:40

I am so angry on your behalf Fanny.

What is wrong with people?

ladybird69 · 15/06/2015 21:40

Have you always been this fat? Asked by my ex's stick thin alcoholic aunt when I was size 10/12!
I'm embarrassed to be seen with you by same ex when I was 9 mths pregnant! Ooo and loads more Bloody toxic evil family.

sanityisamyth · 15/06/2015 21:41

I phoned my mother to tell her I'd been raped whilst I was 450 miles away at uni. She said "at least he didn't strangle you afterwards" and then hung up on me.

DreamingOfTheBeach · 15/06/2015 21:45

People Are truly awful sometimes.

My worst one -
After suffering quite a traumatic miscarriage and being discharged from hospital I met a 'friend' for some coffee and also ordered a large slice of chocolate cake.
She came out with the gem of " you're not eating for two now piggy"
I just burst into tears in the middle of the cafe
We don't see each other any more

Dogseggs · 15/06/2015 21:46

Some of these are so upsetting to read...I am horrified on your behalfs. what the hell possesses some people?

cleanasawhistle · 15/06/2015 21:46

My friend asked how I was coping with chemo....I told her chemo had brought on an early menapause so because of the nightly hot flushes I was having trouble sleeping ....she said oh you cant moan about that because the menapause was going to happen anyway