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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell health visitors i dont want them coming

47 replies

ghostspirit · 15/06/2015 13:48

I dont have any real reason for not wanting them to come part from it does my head in. this is my 5th child not like i dont know what to do. and if i was worried about anything i could ring someone. it feels like they are invading my space.

OP posts:
ScrewFix · 15/06/2015 13:50

Personally, I'd let them come once. Then you can just politely decline any further visits. After my second child was born, I just said I was going to be out and about most days and that if I had any worries, I'd pop in to the surgery.

3littlefrogs · 15/06/2015 13:52

I agree with screwfix.
Let them do the first visit so they can record that all is well.
There is every chance they will be happy to leave you to your own devices after that.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 15/06/2015 13:52

screwfix they been 3 times now.yeah i might do that. make myself unavalible

OP posts:
ludovica · 15/06/2015 14:02

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

BabyMurloc · 15/06/2015 14:09

By my third kid the HV never even showed up... I had severe pnd and it still took my docs 3 phone calls and 4 weeks to get one to my house! DC was 3 months old when they came. I haven't seen one since.

Definately just say you are out/busy and will drop in if you've any issues. There's no need for them (after the first intital check) to come unless there's an issue. Development checks should be done at the clinic.

bendybrickpumpkinpatch · 15/06/2015 14:17

I also have 3 DC and they didn't really bother with me third time around.
I went to all the appointments I was invited to ie the new born check ( I had to get MYSELF to the clinic for that !!, no home visits for dc3 !! ) the first few post vaccinations etc and then I just stopped going . I didnt feel the need to get him weighed every bloody week/fortnight whatever.

It was never an issue ? He's nearly 4 now and no one has ever mentioned it ? He's been seen at the GP when needed and attends preschool nursery ?

Just dont go ?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 15/06/2015 14:18

he is 8 weeks...

erm could they have concerns they are not telling me? my house is a bit of a mess at moment.but it often is on a monday. after the kids have been running riot all weekend. and its always the monday they come.

OP posts:
scarlets · 15/06/2015 14:20

I found the HV meetings unnecessary and a bit tiresome, and couldn't help thinking the HVs would be better utilised by visiting more vulnerable families.

But..how do they identify those, unless they visit them in the first place? Lol. Don't know.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 15/06/2015 14:22

i only had 1 visit with my 4th...cant remember with the others

OP posts:
howtorebuild · 15/06/2015 14:25

They sound like they are monitoring you. Tidy that house next Sunday OP.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 15/06/2015 14:27

they dont come every monday...but its always a monday they turn up.but yeah i will have to change my routine a bit :/

OP posts:
FannyFifer · 15/06/2015 14:50

That's def a bit odd that they are visiting regularly.
Are they arriving unannounced or making an appointment?
How messy a house are we talking about?

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 15/06/2015 14:58

I didn't want hv rooting around my house either. Especially as it was never the same one.
One called round before we were released from the hospital. Then again at 3pm, knowing I had to collect ds from school. Then a third visit at 9, the next morning. After I had phoned and said I was on the school run.
The next one wasn't quite as bad. I think she came 3 times, as dd struggled to feed. After a minor op, she improved no end, so they left us alone!

Purringkittenmama · 15/06/2015 15:07

I had to tell mine to leave me alone, as she was testing my sanity. This was years ago, but the memory of waking up in the night before the days she was due to come just to worry are still fresh now Blush. But interestingly, since then, I actually worked with one of her ex colleagues who I loved, (also a HV) and who told me she had also always been scared of the lady in question. So it obviously wasn't just me. Smile. Maybe request a change?

GreenPetal94 · 15/06/2015 15:15

Health visitors always stressed me out. With my second we had an awkward conversation where they thought it was "helpful" to do home visits and I didn't need any advice. We agreed I would "pop in to the weighing clinics" when I needed to. I didn't need to as you can weigh a baby in a large bowl on digital food scales.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 15/06/2015 15:44

its never the same hv that calls round...

fiferpic of living room and kitchen.

to tell health visitors i dont want them coming
to tell health visitors i dont want them coming
OP posts:
Buttwing · 15/06/2015 15:54

That's nothing! That is amazingly tidy considering you have an 8 week old baby and little ones too.
I would just grit your teeth and smile if it continues I would ask why?

GirlInTheDirtyShirt · 15/06/2015 15:57

That looks like a lived-in home to me, personally - although I am really lax about this kind of thing. Could you ask them outright if they have any concerns and if not, to bugger off and stop mithering you ?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 15/06/2015 16:01

buttwing i might just be parinoid

OP posts:
ollieplimsoles · 15/06/2015 16:10

Thats not a messy house Ghost it looks lovely!

I would agree with the pp's you know what you are doing and don't need any advice so I would put an end to the visits and get on with things

That swinging baby chair in the living room pic looks just what like I'm looking for! Can you share where you got it? Blush

Ludo I would be annoyed about that, Its like she purposely chose the bathroom furthest away so she could snoop around the house. I know my cousin felt very uneasy with her HV and put a stop to her meetings after she suspected the HV was trying to 'catch her out' in some way. She mentioned that they played this word game with cards that was centred around domestic violence, how much they both earned between them, and other personal things that she felt sure they shouldn't be asking.

SaucyJack · 15/06/2015 16:16

YANBU. They are not the SS; their function is to offer help and support. Ergo, if you don't find them helpful or supportive then tell them to do one.

Also, forgive me if I'm wrong- but I'm sure I've seen you mention that you've recently split from your partner? I'm sure being a single mum of 5 is enough in itself to get their attention.

expatinscotland · 15/06/2015 16:16

I let them come once with DS, our third, and then was out a lot after.

CattyCatCat · 15/06/2015 16:27

There are good and bad HV. I had one who appeared to be quite insistent on doing about 3 visits to all new parents. It annoyed me and my new mum friends at the time. It seemed excessive and OTT. The HV later told us all though, at a baby group, that when she had her first child she suffered from utterly awful PND, nearly lost her mind and that she desperately wished someone had been looking out for her. She felt alone, abandoned and took a couple of years to climb out of a black hole.
That put it all into context and we could all then understand why she was fussing so much around seemingly capable middle class parents. She was actually doing a very good, considerate and thorough job. Made us feel very ungrateful for not appreciating her efforts more at the time.

MrsDeVere · 15/06/2015 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 15/06/2015 16:32

yes jack i guess it could be that. i dont want their attention! they can give it to someone els

OP posts: