Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell health visitors i dont want them coming

47 replies

ghostspirit · 15/06/2015 13:48

I dont have any real reason for not wanting them to come part from it does my head in. this is my 5th child not like i dont know what to do. and if i was worried about anything i could ring someone. it feels like they are invading my space.

OP posts:
WaferInMyCoffee · 15/06/2015 16:35

I declined all HV visits for my 3rd child. They were spectacularly unhelpful when I had concerns with my 2nd child and actually delayed referrals etc, so I told them I didn't see the point in their service as they never follow up concerns anyway. They said ok, thanks for letting us know.

Have heard nothing from them since. What a relief.

Denimwithdenim00 · 15/06/2015 16:38

No agree op I didn't bother answering after dc3 and then phoned and said if I needed anything I would call them. They didn't bother after dc4 Grin

Quite frankly I didn't have the time to chat.

Op they are probably coming as you have good biscuits. I was a district nurse so I know what I am talking about here. Wink

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 15/06/2015 16:38

Gosh. They turn up unannounced? That would do my nut too.

My HV came twice with DC3. Once when he was 2 weeks then about 6 weeks later. Appointment both times.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 15/06/2015 16:41

i dont think ita anything to do with splitting with ex. hes not been round for long time.

no PND/MH issues....

hv not been difficult or anything but like another poster said makes me feel uncomfortable but i cant put my finger on why.

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 15/06/2015 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dannydyerismydad · 15/06/2015 16:48

They visit? Round my way you have to go to them. I've always been puzzled why they are called health VISITORS.

SaucyJack · 15/06/2015 16:49

Do you look too pleased to see them? Maybe they just think you like them popping in.

PS- did you get your dining set from Ikea?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 15/06/2015 17:02

jack yes from ikea... no look at them as if to say why you knocking on my door...

OP posts:
MAsMum · 15/06/2015 17:44

My DD (2nd child) hasn't seen a health visitor since she was a couple of months old.
I got a call to say that my actual HV has been off on longterm sick so another one is coming out on Fri for a developmental check. I took DD myself for vaccinations etc but hadn't heard from anyone until Fri in contrast DS' HV did regular checks every few months. I think it just depends on the individual

Purplepoodle · 15/06/2015 19:25

Could it be that you by yourself and have 5 kids. I parent singularly most of the time and was under more scrutiny with dc3 as I had 3 under 5.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 15/06/2015 19:29

purple i guess it could be...not sure but its only me and baby at home others are at school/college

OP posts:
MiaowTheCat · 15/06/2015 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elliejjtiny · 15/06/2015 21:50

HV visits usually tail off after 8-12 weeks I find. My HV told me off for going to the weigh in clinic with DC5 too often (every other week). 3 of my older ones were failure to thrive as babies so I wanted to keep an eye on things.

Supersoft · 15/06/2015 22:06

The number of visits totally depends on the area you live in. In my area you get visited several times during the first 8 weeks, then again at 4,6,8,12,18,24 and 36 months.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 15/06/2015 22:10

super my 4 year old was only seen once. my 8 week old has been seen 3 times by hv. and im at the same address

OP posts:
kyrie182 · 16/06/2015 12:03

I'm due to have my dds 2 and a half check in the next few days. I hate my HV and have no concerns with my dd at all! Can I tell her to sod off?

deliciousdevilwoman · 16/06/2015 12:38

OP-IME (I had a professional background in Children's Services) Hv's often do a lot of home visits to a family on their "cause for concern" list. Now, I don't mean solely Child Protection concerns particularly as you say there isn't anything in your personal background to act as a trigger(s)but you have a lot of children and whilst you are clearly an established parent, they might misguidedly think you need the support and convenience of home visits for a while.

In your shoes, I would allow one further home visit and ask-not in a defensive way, but more you are curious as it hasn't been your experience/that of friends etc to have home visits beyond the initial one post hospital discharge. Say you would prefer to attend clinic for weigh ins and developmental checks if that is indeed the case.

I cannot stand unannounced visitors so Hv's "popping" in would irritate me, so I would have to ask

And btw-your home (from the pics) doesn't give rise to concern

Original poster
ghostspirit · 16/06/2015 13:42

devilwoman that sounds like a good way to go about it thank you. and thank you..but there was a big pile of clean washing on the end of sofa.

the house does seem a bit dull/miserable though. but thats down to needing a general face lift/cheering up. i was doing loads of decorating/replacing carpets/new beds/wardrobes/curtains etc. was doing it whilst pregnant but then went into labour 10 days early so it kind of messed things up a bit :( and now its hard to find the time where i can really get stuck in as he crys quite a bit.

OP posts:
Iammad · 16/06/2015 13:46

Here they came 3 times, once at 2 weeks once at 6 weeks and then again at 3 months.
Mainly to do postnatel depression questionnaires.
And that was with my 5th , no concerns it was just what they did in this area.

deliciousdevilwoman · 16/06/2015 14:03

Ghost-please let me reassure you, that even with a pile of clean washing on the sofa and you feeling the place could do with a bit of a 'facelift' that that in itself would not give rise to professional concern. They are not there (or shouldn't be) to stake out the state your place. The things which wouldlikely give rise to concern (but not in isolation/an isolated incident) are things like dirty worktops crusted with food where you might prepare bottles/food for other children, dirty plates piled high in the sink, bin overflowing with dirty nappies, poor safety eg hazards in easy reach of younger children, poor hygiene re any pets etc, so much clutter/hoarding it is a potential fire risk or risk of children being harmed-that kind of stuff. None of that appears to be the case.

As I said, ask. Don't be afraid. It is unusual and you do have a need to know on what basis their continued involvement is by these unasked for visits and decline them, if you would prefer to go to the clinic for weigh ins/advice as appropriate.

Oh and congratulations on the baby :-)

layla888 · 16/06/2015 14:09

Omg I had a dick head HV who told me my 3 year old was prob autistic because at her visits he would sit too close to her in her words? FYI he's at a private school and special needs etc gets picked up very quickly when there's only 10 kids in a class also my mums the head of special needs at her school so that would have been picked up by her as well. She also advised me against doing my degree as my kids should be priority not my intreasts her words again. Would she have said that to a women who had to work? She asked such odd questions like how much DH earned and how much our mortgage was etc just a nosey bitch really

layla888 · 16/06/2015 14:11

Oh she also turned up out the blue when I was taking a nap with my ds and told me it's best to get up and dressed and maybe down to a baby group. I had a csection about 10 days prior!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page