Mil visiting AIBU to be so demanding?

[namechangeagaimm]

DS is 4 months. I'm a FTM. I'm not super-keen of my ILs, but we get on and I make an effort (I hate socialising and I'm a control freak). MIL wants to see baby, fair enough, but wants to visit in evenings so FIL can visit too. I hate FIL. He's rude, insulting, childish and unpleasant to be around. I've decided I shouldn't have to put up with him my own home. And to be honest, he's not at all interested in the baby, so he clearly doesn't really want to be here either.

MIL looks after her other grandchild (dh nephew) 2 days of the week she doesn't work. This child is 18 months and obviously boisterous and noisy. This upsets my DS. He was pre-term, so is quite small. Last time the other child was here he was so noisy etc my ds almost puked from crying so much. I guess I'm pfb, but it really distresses me! (this child's parents, sil, thinks it's OK to bite the child back as discipline for when he bites her, just one example of her parenting..) I'm afraid the child just puts my back up and I don't really like him :-(

Also, if Mil is here with her other grandchild, she has to pay attention to him, and she ignores my ds.

Anyway, before this post gets really out of control, I think she should make more effort to see my ds, without distractions (other child) and without FIL. (we'll still see him at family events, just not in my house). I'm not happy to be parted from my ds yet, so dh visiting them without me isn't really an option. I've said she can drop in any day, any time, so I don't think I'm being too unreasonable , but I'd rather she was on her own.
AIBU, pfb? Should I just suck it up? I feel like an idiot.

Why? Not all toddlers are noisy and boisterous.

FFS. Maybe when OP has an 18m old she wont have a 4m old. That's not that big a gap, plenty of people have bigger gaps than that. Maybe pfb will be an only. Maybe her 18m old won't be loud; maybe he'll be so horrendous she'll be super considerate and keeps him away from tiny babies.

But all of this is irrelevant. Geez can't believe how little understanding there is on this thread. There is nothing wrong with being a little protective of your babies especially such a tiny one. Very young bf babies don't want to spend time away from mum and dad and won't remember interactions with other family. All 'socialising' is purely for the benefit of the others and so if OP thinks it's too much for ds she should be able to say.

Well, aren't you a special snowflake, OP?

4 months in and you 'ban' your DCs father from taking him to visit his parents?

^this is really^ not normal.

At 4 months my DH couldn't really take my EBF, bottle refusing DD anywhere. I think the OP is getting some unfair flack for that. I also don't see why she should go out of her way to accommodate her rude FIL.

Athena I would think it's very normal for a EBF baby. You can't rely on a 4m old going any decent length of time between feeds.

yoursfan
More spite?
Unnecessary, don't you think?

Yoursfan gets something out of being scathing to others and creating discord. Many of her posts seem to be purposely sour and provocative in their delivery.
Best to disregard...who knows what's going on with someone to make them so inclined?

The OP has found a solution.

Loads of breast fed 4 month olds are not separated from their mother for no good reason - the FIL isn't even interested in seeing the baby so what on earth would be the point? OP is going to spend time with MIL, 18 month old and her baby outside the house and the problem is solved.

Some people seem to think that on principle new mothers should put the wants of extended family before their own and those of their baby. It happens on every thread where a new mum has a dilemma involving other family members and is really quite warped - anyone who just has a baby is wrong by default and should hand over the baby regardless of how uncomfortable it makes her, because you don't own your baby (but the grandparents and cousins and great auntie Ida do)

You are right pictish