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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be shocked that he has a kid?

120 replies

WanderWomble · 14/06/2015 21:30

A friend of a friend is a professional racing driver. I've followed his career on and off and even been to watch him race a few times.

I found out yesterday that he has a kid (a son). He's never mentioned having a son in the four or five years I've known him and it's blowing my mind. I think it's wonderful- I bet he's a great dad and his son has a wonderful life.

I just can't wrap my head around the fact and I feel kinda silly. Brain keeps going 'he has a kid?! It's just so weird to me because I've never seen him as a Dad before now. AIBU?

OP posts:

Weebirdie · 15/06/2015 00:00

And just one more thing - there is a very big difference between being a friend and being an acquaintance and I think you're the latter even though he gave your wee one presents.

I think there is a very good chance he is good at being personable, polite, charming etc, and you're not seeing that, your mistaking it for something else.

WorraLiberty · 15/06/2015 00:04

I've seen him interact with kids at various events and he's good with them

In that case I apologise and stand corrected.

He must indeed be a great and fantastic father and I now understand why you assume his son has a wonderful life, despite the fact his dad has never mentioned him to you.

I petted some pigs at the zoo last week. I fully expect to be on the front page of Farmers Weekly.

BackInTheRealWorld · 15/06/2015 00:04

This is a funny fucking thread!!

MrsTedCrilly · 15/06/2015 00:12

You have had a hard time in this thread OP I think your first post did sound a bit weird, but yeah I agree it is strange to not mention kids if you talk alot and consider him a friend.

Original poster

WanderWomble · 15/06/2015 00:14

If I'd posted this and assumed he was a terrible father, everyone would have jumped on me for that.

I honestly do not fancy/have a crush/whatever on this man. I'm very happily married to a great man.

I also don't think I've misinterpreted the level of friendship between us. We're not best friends, but I'd say we're more than acquaintances. He invites me and hubs to events all of the time, we get along great.

I'm not some weirdo fan girl. Could you all ease up on judging my mental health huh?

OP posts:

SumThucker · 15/06/2015 00:15

Yes I agree, very odd! Why isn't he revelling in his fantastic-ness with you?
He sounds like a great dad, I agree.
Now my brain is blown with this information.

TendonQueen · 15/06/2015 00:15

It does come across as hero worship. And therefore the reason why you're so shocked is that you imagine him leading a glamorous, child-free life - however, now that you know he has a child, he has to be the best dad ever etc. Otherwise he can't be the hero anymore. You're feeling discomfited because deep down inside, you know it can't be true, as people who are great parents don't tend to get four or five years into a friendship with someone without even mentioning their child's existence. Take him off the pedestal. He may be charming and good at what he does, but he's not what you thought he was.

Incidentally, all those giggling about how this is the weirdest/funniest thread ever: really? Did you only join last week and this is the sixth thread you've ever looked at, or something?

WorraLiberty · 15/06/2015 00:18

The point is OP, you can't possibly assume he is a fantastic father or a shit father because you know nothing about his relationship with his son (if indeed he as a relationship at all).

His job is also completely irrelevant to your entire opening and subsequent posts.

That's why this thread is weird....amusing but weird

Original poster

WanderWomble · 15/06/2015 00:28

Honestly if I had this to do over, I wouldn't mention his job. I was going to go into some more detail about various things then decided it might out him so deleted it. Should have deleted the bit about his job but the kettle was boiling and I wanted a cup of tea.

Still not sure why it's a bad thing to hope he's a good dad. I've seen the damage a bad father can do to a kid and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

OP posts:

Getthewonderwebout · 15/06/2015 00:35

Is he The Stig?

Original poster

WanderWomble · 15/06/2015 00:38

I'm fairly sure he's not the Stig!

OP posts:

Getthewonderwebout · 15/06/2015 00:42

Shame. I thought maybe the helmet and suit were an even bigger part of his double life than previously known.

twittertwit · 15/06/2015 06:03

Op, you're a good sport, people are being quite unkind & you're taking it well.

Anyway, I don't think YABU, it is odd when you find something so fundamental out about someone you thought you knew quite well.

FeijoaSundae · 15/06/2015 06:09

I wouldn't 'bet' someone who'd never even mentioned having a child, was a great Dad.

I'd assume they were a passable Dad. At best.

nooka · 15/06/2015 06:28

There is a difference between hoping someone is a good father, and betting that he is a 'great/fantastic dad'.

If you have spent a significant amount of time with this chap over four or five years and there has never been sight nor sound of a child or a partner then at the very least he doesn't sound like a terribly involved father. He could of course just be very very private and keep his home and professional life very separate, and see you as being in the 'professional' rather than the 'home' category.

Mermaidhair · 15/06/2015 06:41

Try not to take it to heart the responses on the thread. I think you know in hindsight that you could have worded it differently. You know the situation differently. It did come across very unusual though.

Smellyoulateralligator · 15/06/2015 06:43

Marking place.

Itsraininginbaltimore · 15/06/2015 06:51

Blimey what an odd thread.

I'm another one who thinks perhaps you have a massive crush on him and are a teensy bit starstruck. I just can't account for your OP otherwise.

Itsraininginbaltimore · 15/06/2015 06:55

Although, let me rethink this.

a) he is really just a friend of a friend, whose career you loosely follow, in which case your OP is most odd, or…..

b) he is more than a friend of a friend, he's a good friend who you see pretty regularly - surely he must be if he's buying presents for your DCs at birthdays and Christmas? In which case I can understand your shock that he never mentioned his child before now - but that points towards him not being a terribly good or involved father doesn't it?

And WTF has the racing driving got to do with any of this?

Pumpkinpositive · 15/06/2015 06:58

OP, I completely sympathise.

I too have a huge crush on F1 drivers when they're in uniform, straddling a car. I know you said he's not F1 yet but it's surely only a matter of time, eh?

YABU, btw.

longlistofexlovers · 15/06/2015 07:07

You can still fancy someone and be married.

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 15/06/2015 07:08

This made me chuckle.

OP, please re read your post. Surely, surely you must concede that you come across as a bit, well odd.

Weebirdie · 15/06/2015 07:13

I think we were supposed to beg to be let in on who it is.

SoldierBear · 15/06/2015 07:15

Sorry, OP but it does come across that you have a massive crush on this guy.
If you are actually friends, rather than acquaintances, then it is very peculiar he's hidden the fact he has a child. Never mentioning his son even once over a period of four or five years doesn't suggest he's a great father, or that his son has a wonderful life. It does raise the possibility the boy is not an important of his fathers life though.
However, as others in your tight knit group did know about the boy, perhaps he does have a great relationship with his Dad, and it is more that your friendship is not deemed close enough for you to be privy to this info?

PennilynLott · 15/06/2015 07:16

This thread has given me major second-hand embarrassment. I'm reading it in bed and now I'm too embarrassed to get up.

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