Utterly bored and frustrated by living in a small town

[saltnpepa]

We live in a small town and I am so bored and frustrated by the mundaneness of it. I'm from inner London and here I am in the middle of effing nowhere and all the families are white and middle class and wear Boden. There is no crime and no bad behaviour from anyone at anytime. Nobody swears or cracks jokes, there's no vibrancy or creativity, everyone is the bloody same. The mothers are polite and very decent and the husbands are all doing the right things and I only know of one single mum. I stick out like a sore thumb and am sick of rubbing people up the wrong way unintentionally just because I'm different. My kids love it here as does my rather conservative husband, I feel like running down the street naked covered in talcum powder and jam just to cause a stir. It is a 'nice' life but unstimulating and I worry that my kids will grow up to be just like the locals.

A young woman the other day told me about a clip from a film and was describing the actor she said "He is coloured" and to make that even worse she said it in hushed tone
Umm, I'm about as rural as you get and people round here don't talk like that - they just don't! Maybe you just picked the wrong village? Either way, I also don't know any people from round here who'd be rude enough to go to the city and criticize everyone in it like you have.

But she's hacked off with her situation because she thinks she's too 'good' or tolerant or whatever for the place she lives. She thinks she's better than the 'Boden wearers' with their alleged unconscious racism. She does feel superior. And so do you, christina . And you are both wrong.

Cardibach where have any of us said all rural areas are full of racist bigots? All we've said is that there are more of them in rural areas and that these areas tend to be more traditional and conservative

How old are your dcs could you ask your health visitor about groups to take them who have the same kind of outlook as you
There must be some kind of group, club where you can find like minded people.

cardibach, the racist doesn't sound that unconscious from what Op describes.

As I said previously, I don't know you so I don't have an opinion on you tbh.

I can't say that I feel superior to anyone tbh.

I don't know how people dare criticise the countryside for being full of racist bigots when they themselves live in cities containing many known groups of intolerant religious extremists

I lost sympathy somewhat where you appeared to bemoan the lack of crime - surely it is a privilege, one not everyone can afford, to live somewhere with a low (in fact, apparently, a "zero" crime rate).

I'm also lucky enough to live somewhere with a low crime rate. They publish a crime round-up in our village magazine. It will usually be two oil-thefts and a car bring vandalised - and that's in a month. I consider myself hugely fortunate to live somewhere where there is so little crime.

Of course, there is a mix of people here like anywhere else. Some breezing through life, some having their troubles. That's true of anywhere, surely.

If your kids grew up like the people you describe (and there's no reason why this should happen), would that actually be so terrible. Everything you say about the people makes them sound essentially nice, good people, just not very humorous.

It's fair enough you don't like where you've moved to. But the stereotyping of the people just seems a bit glib. I for example am white and middle class, I don't commit crime, I sometimes wear boden, but i also swear, joke and try to be creative. Isn't everyone a mix of different things?

That's not how it's coming across, christina. It's coming across as hateful and bigoted. Like the OP's frankly unbelievable last post about the 'hushed tones'. Conservatism, which probably is more prevalent in rural England (although not necessarily other parts of the UK) does not inevitably mean racism. (I'm very left wing, by the way).

Oh blah blah. Move already. Or get over yourself, stop being a princess and learn some tolerance AND MANNERS.

No crime may seem good but trust me the excitement of watching the copper chopper circle and use its search light is brilliant I'd pay an extra 10k.

The only thing you can do is find likeminded people - there will be some, and they may well wear Boden and have swishy Kim Sears hair, so give everyone a chance!

Sorry you're unhappy. I lived for ten friendless months in a place I disliked and it was very tedious and wearing. I knew I was only there temporarily though, so didn't bother doing much about it.

Round here we get a lot of well off idiots from urban areas moving in and thinking it's going to be an idyllic existence and that they will come in with their superior knowledge and show us hicks how wrong we've been doing everything.

They often move or turn to drink after the first winter, or when they realise you can't get a 24 hour plumber...

OP, as a Londoner who has lived outside of London (and is desparate to get out again!) I do sympathise.

You do need to look for people who are like minded outside of major cities. It sounds trite to someone who has lived in cities, but have you considered joinging a political party or charity as a volunteer. There is a massive push from the mildly left wing since the election (I not hard core trots) to join up. The Lib Dems have had a huge surge and are holding a lot of pub meets. I have leftie friends in the sticks who do a lot with the Greens, even though I imagine they wouldn't have needed to bother when they were still in London. People's Assembly has a lot of groups, as do I believe UK Uncut. What about your local Fawcet Society?

Pass the talc!

I can only imagine the roasting the OP would have had by now if she'd complained about moving to an area full of lower class Primark wearers, saying they were racist and had no culture.

Move back to London or make an effort to actually get to know people and find ways to amuse yourself OP.

See, in my experience, the wealthier, Boden and joules semi-rural types, tend to make huge efforts to be politically correct and be terribly excitable about other cultures, whereas friends from when I lived in London tend to think their prejudices are ok as they are based on "experience".

The anti-gypsy/traveller thing though is huge in the countryside, and again, is deemed acceptable as it's a prejudice based on "experience".

I think we need to move back because I just feel like a round peg in a square hole but house prices have gone through the roof. I sometimes wear Boden for those taking offence but not entirely and I'm talking of a certain cliche which seems alive and well here. Again, I have made some wonderful friends. We came here for space and to escape crime and grime but if it's crime and grime or boredom and beige I'll take the former.

I totally get you, OP! I moved from London to a small town. A local mum recently said ' We have new neighbours. They're Muslim BUT they're nice.'. I was gob smacked but no one else thought anything of it. 'Coloured' is a standard term here too. Oh, and the local hairdressers won't cut my hair- I have curly hair but not Afro (not that it should make a difference).

Having said all this, I have made friends here and good ones too. I don't feel unwelcome, but it's difficult to feel at home when others find you 'interesting' and 'different'.

What is this Boden obsession?? I'd never even heard of it until I joined mumsnet.

They must love all the publicity they get from this site!

Are there parts of the country where people whisper to each other in hushed tones "she shops at Boden, you know"? And that actually means something?

I'm from a small town but now live in London. If I started passing comment on people based on whether or not they wore Boden I can safely say that everyone I know from both places would think I was quite odd.

Just wondering what crimes you've been a victim of yourself OP

See, that's where we disagree, OP. Why should it be crime and grime or boredom and beige? That's not my experience. There is a middle ground.

It's just short hand for white middle class uninspired clothing.

And I say that as someone who bloody loves their vests.

Oh I know what you mean! I would far rather live where I can hear the traffic roar 24/7, where I have to lock my door whenever I step outside, where I trip over the dealers at the end of the road, where I have the odd riot to keep me entertained, and where I have to go miles to find a bit of nature!

Local people are all so boring. I mean I don't know them, but I know they're boring because they wear unremarkable clothing, whereas I am really cutting edge and with it.

I moved to one of those towns from a grimy bit of a London. I don't feel comfortable here and never will, despite many of the people I have met here being really nice people. Older DCs reverse commuted into London to go to an inner city comp but younger DCs have found an interesting group of local friends and are very happy here. I try send make the best of it by riding a lot (something I used to do before I moved to London) and plotting my return to somewhere grimy and urban as soon as youngest DC leaves school.

HesterShaw I was for a second at the start of your post