Utterly bored and frustrated by living in a small town

[saltnpepa]

We live in a small town and I am so bored and frustrated by the mundaneness of it. I'm from inner London and here I am in the middle of effing nowhere and all the families are white and middle class and wear Boden. There is no crime and no bad behaviour from anyone at anytime. Nobody swears or cracks jokes, there's no vibrancy or creativity, everyone is the bloody same. The mothers are polite and very decent and the husbands are all doing the right things and I only know of one single mum. I stick out like a sore thumb and am sick of rubbing people up the wrong way unintentionally just because I'm different. My kids love it here as does my rather conservative husband, I feel like running down the street naked covered in talcum powder and jam just to cause a stir. It is a 'nice' life but unstimulating and I worry that my kids will grow up to be just like the locals.

I moved from Hackney to very ruralshire and initially it does seem like this. But make an effort: search out groups and activities. I am now friends with several artists, am part of a very energetic martial arts group and running group, and have found many cultural joys through actually talking to people and not being sneery.

There are interesting people everywhere. There are also other mums who are thinking"Why am I here?" : you just have to find them.

And FWIW, my kids have an excellent time both freedom wise (which they certainly wouldn't have had in London to the same extent) and culturally, it's just that sometimes I have to drive. But then, driving for 40 mins to get somewhere here is the norm. We even live 5 miles from our school. And actually, I find that if people have made the effort to get to groups / activities / see friends then they REALLY make the effort.

Look for disaffected mums at school, or toddler groups. If you have an interest, find a local group. I can't imagine going back to London now.

OP you will get some very defensive replies from non city dwellers .

I think the trouble is in some small towns you have to hunt quite hard to find like minded people, whereas it's easy in a city.

Yep! I used to have an actual cultural life. Now I've got nice beaches, sure, but echhh. It's lovely to come on holidays to, as evidenced by the billions of tourists, but very very dull to live in.

It's a shame that die hard Londoners move to the 'country' (often just a town outside of the M25) and then complain about their new areas and how everywhere outside of London is a social, cultural and gastronomic wasteland. It's pretty rude and offensive to your new neighbours and huge swathes of the population who aren't London based.

FFS, try and get over yourself and make some friends.

A legend in your own mind.

Scratch below the surface in these places and things are never as they seem.

Sounds like where I live and I adore It for all the reasons you dislike it.

(Obviously, not all Londoners who up sticks are the rude sort who bash their new locale)

I'm just amazed at the prospect of a whole town (not merely a village, or a hamlet) where no one swears, tells jokes or is creative. Given that the majority of the population don't live in London this seems quite extraordinary!

And FWIW, I am a city dweller

It's a shame that die hard Londoners move to the 'country' (often just a town outside of the M25) and then complain about their new areas and how everywhere outside of London is a social, cultural and gastronomic wasteland. It's pretty rude and offensive to your new neighbours and huge swathes of the population who aren't London based.

I agree with all of this. There are so many threads where people from London go on about how dreadful everywhere else is with its lack of museums, theatre and culture. Stay in London then don't come and live in the rest of the country where we are all quite happy being polite and not killing each other.

Hear, hear, Squeezy! We aren't being defensive, TheWord, we're pointing out the, complete and utter absurdity of the OP. Fwiw, I know nobody even remotely like either Kate Middleton or a Stepford wife. The OP, and others who have said similar things, just reveal their own small minded prejudices rathe than those of country dwellers...

OP I kind of know what you mean as my DM lives in an area very similar to the one you describe and I live in London, but there ARE interesting people and things to do, they just won't be as easy to find as in London (as other PP have said). Personally I find that the slower pace of life, beautiful countryside and coastline have their own appeal.

Your post actually remind me of an acquaintance who recently moved from inner London to my area (much greener but still London) and is constantly offending and alienating people here who try to befriend her with comments like yours...

Are you still relatively close to London? Because your comment that "there's no vibrancy or creativity" sounds like something someone who lives round where I do would say, but then when you start talking to people, you realise that there is, but they don't perform or exhibit their work locally, as there's only a small audience, local artist exhibit in London, local musicians (who are any good) tend to be going into London for gigs. It's too close to London for touring companies for dance and music...

There will be interesting people doing interesting things, but while in London it's all made very easy for you to access them, you'll have to put effort in. Joining groups and clubs, being the sort of person who's 'involved' getting to know people better, you'll find out the other shit they're doing.

People who've lived their whole lives in our town do find it strange that when I lived in London, I knew the names of most, but not all the people who lived in the other flats in my building, had no idea of the name of the family across the road or in the neighbouring houses, or even would recognise them. That level of unfriendliness seems hideous to people who've never lived with it, and think London/big cities are 'cold', but it also does give you a freedom that it's unlikely that if you are behaving badly the people witnessing it would know who you were, even if you were only a 5 minute walk from your house. The fact that when you fuck up, everyone will know about it, does make people behave better and less interestingly.

I agree about being careful to over romanticise living in the city, are you sure hte norm of the area you used to live in would be better for your DCs to grow up like than the norm of where you live now? Do you really not want to raise your DCs to be "polite and decent" woman or men who "do the right thing"? Would you really rather they weren't?

OP, I have been there and can sympathise! We had lived in a quaint Kentish market town for four months when we started planning our escape back to the grimy streets of London. I will never, ever leave again (except to go on holiday). If you're a true Londoner it's so hard to live in a small town.

I live in a small village and I'm a professional musician, my husband is a craftsman and my son is a composer. So probably we count as 'creatives'. We also have lots of friends who are creative professionals who live in our area, as likeminded people tend to work/socialise together. Most of us are travelling around the UK and indeed the world performing, recording and/or exhibiting, so where we choose is more like a haven from that life.

Maybe your problem is that you like the idea of "creative" people and think the hive is in London, but you're not actually in that sphere yourself, so you don't really know who is around you and what they are doing.

xpost Dinosaurs!!

It's not the museums I'm after, it's diversity and people who have lived something other than this same thing. Almost everyone comes from this town, lives near their lovely parents, go to church, wear boden, smile constantly. There is one black family in the entire town!!!! one. The schools talk about diversity and inclusion in their prospectus but they have no need to ever put that into practice. My kids are growing up never seeing any black people, never seeing a woman in a burka, being forced to go to effing church schools because there's nothing else around here. I have made a group of wonderful friends who share some of my sentiments and I have made friends with some of the Boden wearing types but I find it very difficult to connect to people who make bigotted and racist comments as part of 'normal' conversation because they feel so sure nobody will challenge them.

Is this what they call inverse snobbery?

green I wonder though if people in the creative industries ( I'm a writer so I get it) are more likely to be found in a small village than a small middle class predominantly white town?

I live part of the time in the former but would run away from the later!

I don't think OP is intending to offend or belittle other people who choose to live in small towns or villages, although her post seems to be generating a very defensive response from some people.

She's just saying that, for her, she finds it boring, frustrating and mundane.

OP I do understand about the lack of racial diversity / casual racist comments and I do find that hard to deal with when I visit DM. Not sure what the answer to that is. Do you still have friends in London you could visit with your DC? (not very helpful sorry)

Good point Word. Maybe there is a significant difference between a village which you choose to move to for the benefits of its seclusion, rather than a the kind of town you describe.

I have made friends with some of the Boden wearing types
If you had said track suit wearing chavs people would be jumping down your throat right now.

I live in a small village. Joined the knitting group. They are filthy minded cunts the lot of them. Tia fabulous :-)

OP exactly. The attitudes are very old fashioned and offensive. Is there nowhere you could move to that's larger than where you live now but not London?