Utterly bored and frustrated by living in a small town

[saltnpepa]

We live in a small town and I am so bored and frustrated by the mundaneness of it. I'm from inner London and here I am in the middle of effing nowhere and all the families are white and middle class and wear Boden. There is no crime and no bad behaviour from anyone at anytime. Nobody swears or cracks jokes, there's no vibrancy or creativity, everyone is the bloody same. The mothers are polite and very decent and the husbands are all doing the right things and I only know of one single mum. I stick out like a sore thumb and am sick of rubbing people up the wrong way unintentionally just because I'm different. My kids love it here as does my rather conservative husband, I feel like running down the street naked covered in talcum powder and jam just to cause a stir. It is a 'nice' life but unstimulating and I worry that my kids will grow up to be just like the locals.

Jam and then talc, so it will stick obviously. it is a fact that all the families are white, an undeniable fact, where is the problem with that statement?

I'm too busy laughing at Cardibach's typo to constructively comment.

'...nine of my friends are racist...'

It is a fact that all the families are white. That's fine. But it is one of the things that you list as being something you don't like about the place. You say that you have a problem with the race of the people who live in the town. Your main issue with them is the colour of their skin and the way they dress.

The OP is talking about race in a very particular context though. It's not just that everyone is white; it's that everyone being white seems to have engendered a particular kind of casual racism: 'He's coloured', 'she looks like a gypo' etc.

The OP is making the point that the place is homogenous and insular. She's not saying she has a problem with white people.

I think saying 'I hate my town' is different to 'I hate small towns'. The latter just gets into town vs country battles.

People in London tend to be more racist but only because people in London generally hate people. It's a big place, you can get away with hating each other freely. Small towns make much more effort as its highly likely you will be bumping into each other. It's personal preference. I personally love hearing the Greeks slag off the Turks and the Jamaicans slag off the Nigerians. It's not a black vs white thing although in small towns racism does tend to be.

This comment is a massive generalisation but hopefully you get my point.

Thing is, I reckon most of the country is like you describe OP - outside the big cities anyway. I come from a rural part of the country and its still really white, really parochial, hardly any non-white, non-English people - its like a different world. DH and I didn't want to raise our kids in London, but we moved one stop on a fast train away - really nice small city with plenty going on and London down the road. Its the perfect compromise IMO and you don't have to wear wellies very often at all .

Can we start naming some of these areas??? I want to know if I live in one!

I hear you OP. It's no mistake that my 3 closest friends are actually from London originally.

I left London for a commuter belt town 3 years ago. The move was very much instigated by DP who loves it here. I would return in a flash. I don't know why I haven't settled - it just doesn't feel like home (which is funny given that my childhood hometown is not far from here and I'm not London born and bred). I used to love people watching in London parks, wandering round the streets - the feeling of anonymity on a busy bus.

I have made friends here and our life is 'easier' - but it still doesn't feel right. Maybe we've chosen the wrong town. I'm hoping that things improve once the DC start school.

people in London generally hate people

I know you pre-empted by saying yourself that was a generalisation, but it REALLY is! And not true IME.

juneau, yes, I think London and maybe some other cities are anomalies and most of the UK is still pretty scary and League of Gentlemen-ish.

Who said Londoners hate people? So untrue!

Whenever I go back I'm always reminded how people like to chat

In a nutshell only lovers "The OP is talking about race in a very particular context though. It's not just that everyone is white; it's that everyone being white seems to have engendered a particular kind of casual racism: 'He's coloured', 'she looks like a gypo' etc.

The OP is making the point that the place is homogenous and insular. She's not saying she has a problem with white people."

DameDiazepam - so true. I know I've always lived here but I find Londoners very friendly indeed. There's always a chat going on.

I was thinking about this thread while I walked to to the station from the office. Some chap was systematically spitting as he walked and walking through all the people feels like suffocation. I want to know what magic place the OP lives in - though I can't afford Boden I'm afraid.

Given my age, I've experienced a certain amount of what the OP describes and as someone who is non-white, I found it all copeable with. My parents were the first generation here and they did too.

The idea of living in a place where no one causes a stir sounds like bliss. Round here, it takes about 20 minutes of major yelling before I bother to concern myself with what might be going on and then only mostly because I hate noise. I live in one of those "up and down" areas - it was nice, went horrible, went nice, going downhill again....lots of perfectly boring people here but lots of "incidents" going on as well. I would happily do without it.

We live in a small town. People stand on street corners gossiping about others, people ignore those in need of help and everybody is related to everybody. I hate that aspect of it.

However, there are lots of activities for people of all ages, lots of green, open spaces and it's close enough to the coast to go after school and so that makes up for the nature of the people. I'm a square peg in a round hole but I've always been a square peg so I live with it.

God you need to move here! Tiny village with more goings on than you can shake a stick at. I'm from a big city and have never encountered so much drama, bitchiness and utter chaos as i have in the last 10 years since we moved here. On the other hand I've met some brilliant people who have made my face ache from laughing and although we are a random bunch of misfits, I can't imagine living anywhere else now.

I'm from a small town in a rural area. It has its negative points of course, as anywhere does. There is no way on this earth I would trade my life here for one in a large town or city. Living in London has to be one of the most depressing thoughts imaginable. The rat race, the hundreds of languages, the crime, the cost of living, the pollution and feeling like a grain of sand on the beach. We have quite a few Londoners move here, I'm just so grateful that millions of others stay right where they are....

Also, these people who say that in small towns "everyone knows everyone" and "everyone is related to everyone" are taking nonsense. Do you know ten, fifteen or twenty thousand people?

the hundreds of languages

How is that a problem?

Avoire while that's an exaggeration, more people know each other and you always see people when out, which would drive me mad.

Plus people are nosier

I'm only on page two of six, but am totally feeling your pain and taking reassurance from others with Small Town Dissonance!

Small-town natives: it's not saying this is worse than the big city, just different. Very different. Hugely more different than I expected! Presumably you wouldn't be all that happy moving into a city. Please understand that we feel the same way about moving out.

Fwiw, I didn't choose it and can't afford to move back. I've got to adjust as best I can. But it ain't easy, and the town doesn't make it easy either.

No, OnlyLovers, it's no problem at all if you can't understand people, they can't understand you and they speak 20 languages in your kid's class (English being the least spoken). Exactly, how is that a problem?!

I live in a village, a pretty small village, and I definitely don't know everyone, despite growing up here It's absolutely middle class, but I don't see a lot of Boden....

Personally, I absolutely couldn't live in a big city and be happy. But I wouldn't judge folk that thrive in this environment. I expect I would enjoy to learn more from/about them.

OP I respect the fact that you feel out of place and uncomfortable. I agree that racism shouldn't be acceptable in any environment. I just get the feeling that you feel rather superior to these people and that your own perception of an ideal life is better than theirs. I am sorry if I have misjudged this from your posts.

However, nobody is better than anybody else. You are no less important than your 'Boden' ladies, but you are not better than them either.

Rather than being sarky, please can you explain why you find it a problem? OK, so 'they speak 20 languages in your kid's class' might mean (I don't have kids, so sorry I'm quite ill-informed on this) that some children need more support; but I'd hope that that's given. I'd also hope that there are upsides to children being exposed to other cultures, languages etc.

As for 'you can't understand people, they can't understand you', that's too vague; I don't know what you mean. What people? When? In what circumstances? All the time?

Sorry, that was to avoir.