Utterly bored and frustrated by living in a small town

[saltnpepa]

We live in a small town and I am so bored and frustrated by the mundaneness of it. I'm from inner London and here I am in the middle of effing nowhere and all the families are white and middle class and wear Boden. There is no crime and no bad behaviour from anyone at anytime. Nobody swears or cracks jokes, there's no vibrancy or creativity, everyone is the bloody same. The mothers are polite and very decent and the husbands are all doing the right things and I only know of one single mum. I stick out like a sore thumb and am sick of rubbing people up the wrong way unintentionally just because I'm different. My kids love it here as does my rather conservative husband, I feel like running down the street naked covered in talcum powder and jam just to cause a stir. It is a 'nice' life but unstimulating and I worry that my kids will grow up to be just like the locals.

Well said Vix.
Most of my neighbours are a different race to me. All my friends are the same.

I live in a small town and know exactly what you mean. All the locals know each other/are related and theres a sense of not belonging. Everyone is polite because word gets round and families can get black listed. No-one is out spoken for this reason. Not sure how you get past it, as most locals dont need extra friends and they dont like new ideas. Also it is dull compared to a large city - little going on - like someone said all word of mouth - no advertising. Things like fates is a one off rather than several going on ... so you have to go. One christmas show so no choice. Internet shopping is frowned on as the local shops miss out. Sorry cant help but do sympathise.

Um, no sunny. I said that 'if your children go to a (state) school with a diverse intake in London or any city then you will most certainly have the same people as your neighbours.

Admission areas are often tiny!'

and you said that this is 'debatable'.

I'm trying to work out what you mean. Could you indicate where I told you that you were 'wrong' for instance?

Internet shopping is frowned on as the local shops miss out.

Who by and how does the frowning manifest itself?

I have moved around the UK a fair bit. Grew up in a major city (but not London).

I have to say every single time we have moved house I miss something I took completely for granted at the last place, so much so it hardly ever registers when still living there. We are getting to the point where we need to choose somewhere to settle now and we just dont know where to go. We likes this that and the other from A town B village C place but not liking the other things the same places also provide. I dont think there is anywhere perfect for us.

You say you cannot move back to London due to property prices but I suspect you creamed in a little when you moved out of London. Its pros and cons. You could move back to London if you were happy to live in a smaller property apartment or whatever. If you did that, could you get your kids into the schools of your choices?? I suspect not easily (judging by what I read on sites like this). I suspect, you have an excellent school on your doorstep where you are now that your kids will easily/did easily get into.

Its very easy to take for granted what you have all day every day. I know I have certainly done that and then when we have had to move onto the next place it occurs to me for the first time that I miss those little things that went totally un-noticed.

I absolutely despise where I live at the moment that is because of my attitude towards the place and not the people. Its not geographically in a part of the country I am very familiar with. I find it a right pain in the bum to source things that were on my doorstep at the last place we lived. I sit on the sofa some days and cry as I absolutely hate it so much here so much. I understand when utterly fed up with a place - that all you see is the bad stuff. I try and be positive but its not much help. I drive through our little chocolate box village (and other similar villages) with thatched cottages etc etc and think oooh very pretty but then think - what good is being pretty there is fuck all here!! Thats how I feel. Yet locals are probably skinting themselves to death to buy a property here,its so sought after.

Take a good long hard look at your life in Stepford and think to yourself what you may actually miss when its gone/if you left for London. If there is absolutely nothing then you best start making plans to move back.

Big deal in local paper about helping local shops. Fine if thats what you want to buy. There are two kids clothes shops only one sells uniform. Bit obvious if DC are wearing a different style.

See your point about uniform. Otherwise, well, what goes with Gomorrah?

Christina - Do Ctrl + F, it's the OP who mentioned "a woman in a burka*" first.

Sunny - "Background Frieze" that's exactly the terms I would use to describe it.

This sounds very like where I grew up and where my DPs still live. I hated it with a passion and couldn't wait to get out.
Last Christmas she took all her DCs and DGCs to see Peter Pan at the local theatre. The girl playing Tiger Lily was black. In the interval, one of the theatre goers turned to her husband and asked loudly"Darling, do you think the negro's real?'
My DM at least had the good grace to look embarassed.

Op gave it in a list as an example of the types of experiences that she has had and her children don't have, living where they do, as part of a much longer post.

It was someone else who picked up on this as an example of the types of differences that she finds interesting in people.

Sorry, my mum took DCs etc

Christina - so looking at another human being dressed differently now is "an experience" is it?

Is this what passes for excitement in That London?

Well on the flip side we've spent the weekend wondering if we're doing the right thing staying in London with young DC. We're worried they'll end up wise beyond their years or hardened by living in a huge city. I fantasise about them building tree houses and playing cricket on an imaginary village green.

Feck knows what's best.

so looking at another human being dressed differently now is "an experience" is it?

IPity, now you're just putting up the most absurd straw men. You know very well (unless you're stupid, and I'll assume you're not) that's not what christina meant.

Grass is always greener. Even in a concrete city

I flailed madly in the village we live in for the first 6 years. I am coming round to it, but need my solitude, which I never realised was an issue for me. We live on the edge of the village, had to move whilst work was done on house to centre and it was awful, people tracking your movements the whole time.

The school gate is an interesting place, as are all those women I had sex at the same time as. I seemingly don't fit in with any of them, but scratch and scratch and dig and delve and 6 years on I have found some fascinating friends I doubt I'd ever have met in London. People are constantly surprising - you think you know someone but scratch beneath the veneer and many of the Stepfords and others are not what they might seem. They are a lot more interesting. And as for racist comments, I like to challenge those. It gets the adrenaline pumping and I like to think I've made a few people think over the years. Again no opportunities for that where I lived in London.

So for me it's about working with what I have. I did hanker for years to move back to a london, but I'm not so sure I'd want to now. It's close for us anyway, a short cheap easy train ride so we have that as an advantage.

Thank you only lovers.

Op was very clearly talking about a lived experience, not a gawping opportunity.

Oh wow op, you're so edgy.

I'm a born and bred Londoner. I also want to move out of London and am frankly deeply depressed by the number of places I look at to possibly live in which seem to be entirely populated with miserable ex Londonders. It's so tedious. I don't want to leave London to be surrounded by that most irritating breed of Londoner - the one who thinks they're amazing and vibrant and different just by living there. And I don't want to be surrounded by people who don't want to be there.

And FYI I wear boden and look tres tres middle class Home Counties public school. I also have a penchant for folk music, nudity and obscure 70s rock. I voted green at the last election, enjoy protest marches and have Pagan leanings. I find the people who wear their identities on their sleeves the most are often the most dull and conformist when it really comes down to it.

Op hasn't described herself as 'edgy'.

Just hacked off with feeling like a square peg in a round hole where she lives.

This thread is making me lol

I am not white, I've lived in London all my life and I would love to live where you live, OP!

No crime sounds fab.

Small towns really vary. I lived in one for 5 years and it bored me stupid: definite square peg in round hole feeling. Moved here and it's great: down to earth, friendly, busy. It's not Utopia, but nowhere is.

Well said vix

Find it unbelievable that nobody has picked up on

all the families are white

Shell shocked. I wonder if the OP had picked another skin colour, would the reaction have been so dismissive?!

dammit, only read the first page...

I feel like running down the street naked covered in talcum powder and jam just to cause a stir.

1. Is it jam then talc or the other way round?
2. Posh or basic?

As long as the jam was made by the WI, that's the important thing!