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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

moving back to save - does it work?-quick answers please!

28 replies

smalltownmoving · 14/06/2015 11:21

NC- been here for over 10 years-
My dh and I having living in London for 10 years and have 2 DSs.
The stress of living in London at the moment is nearly breaking us.Financial stress, work stress, childcare and school stress
We've sat down and discussed splitting up. with the plan being that he would move out and we'd try to work out an amicable solution.
My salary wouldn't cover everything and we are nearly at the end of our tenancy so I would move closer to school and he'd get a room somewhere.
Its not that we don't want this to work but we have no support network here and are rowing because of this stress

or
move back to our hometown - Weymouth

pros- small town where we know people and most of my school friends still live- Know the schools- housing cheaper- better lifestyle by the beach so DSs could have a more outdoors lifestyle

cons- its a small town where everyone knows everyone- less job opportunities no moving jobs quickly- lack of museums/cinema/parks

We both agree that we could try this and if need be split up later. as our main goal is to give the children a more supportive slower lifestyle and not a stressfilled household as it is at the moment

AIBU to think this could work?

OP posts:
NobodyLivesHere · 14/06/2015 11:24

Yanbu- small towns have cinemas and parks too, and without the added financial stress you might find your relationship thrives.

Eastpoint · 14/06/2015 11:26

Move back to Weymouth together, no need to stay in London for the sake of it, especially if you are unhappy.

EveryPenny1 · 14/06/2015 11:28

I moved to be closer to family and for a slow pace of life close to the sea and countryside - best thing we ever did. I can't express enough how much better it is being close to supportive family. It works for us as both our famlies are close, its great being able to help them out as they are getting older and they love having a close relationship with their grandchildren.
You can vist London for a weekend if you want to visit large museums!

Mrsbird311 · 14/06/2015 11:28

We moved from London to South west three years ago, best thing we ever did, fantastic lifestyle down here and my dh works in London a couple of days a week to fund us being down here,deffo worth a try

AuntieStella · 14/06/2015 11:29

It really wouldn't be fair on your DH to expect him 'to find a room somewhere' as he'll surely want to have the DC on at least a typical pattern of 1 night a week and EOW, if not fuller towards 50/50. So he needs at least a 2 bed flat too.

Can you afford that in London?

If not, then a move away might have to be the solution. But of course it doesn't have to be Weymouth. Or do you both think that's the best option?

Original poster
smalltownmoving · 14/06/2015 11:31

he would eventually get a flat but its the cost of everything.
its the financial. strain in London that is killing us.

OP posts:
PenguinBollards · 14/06/2015 11:31

"lack of museums/cinema/parks"

Really? There are parks, cinemas, museums, theatres, art galleries, and other centres of culture/education/entertainment all over the country. London doesn't have the monopoly.

Original poster
smalltownmoving · 14/06/2015 11:33

the thing about going back there is that we know people and could have support. the DSs would go to school with my old school friends kids

OP posts:
ollieplimsoles · 14/06/2015 11:34

This sounds like a brilliant idea op, I grew up in the city (not London but still big and busy) and we moved to a smaller town. Its bliss here, life goes by so slowly but its big enough to wander to the shops or drive to the cinema complex.

Sounds like you are willing to try anything, need some support and a less stressful life. Go for it I say, what have you got to lose?

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 14/06/2015 11:34

It sounds like your marriage is one of two fundamentally decent people who once loved each other very much but is slowly imploding due to external stress?

In which case I think that you should do whatever it takes to try and save it. I've never heard of a child turning 18 and saying "my life would have been so much better if I'd been able to go to the Science Museum every 2 months." A lot wish their dad had still been at home.

Moving to Weymouth may not save it but it might. It gives you a shot. And a shot is better than nothing. You are unhappy now. Go and try and be happy.

NobodyLivesHere · 14/06/2015 11:35

Agree with Penguin, my children have never been to London but have experienced many many museums, cinemas, parks, art galleries, beaches, mountains etc. The world doesn't end outside of London.

RandomMess · 14/06/2015 11:35

If it's the financial strain then absolutely do it. You will have more leisure time overall so can always do day trips for "culture" etc. that you can't get very locally although I think there will be a lot more than you seem to be assuming!

Living in London if you can't afford it is hellish IMHO

Original poster
smalltownmoving · 14/06/2015 12:09

it is for financial reasons and for a quieter peaceful life. there is no point being in london if we dont have the time and money to do anything

OP posts:
NinkyNonkers · 14/06/2015 12:16

Move. We weren't in London but still a more expensive part of the world and moved to a beautiful spot,near family etc and haven't regretted it.

NinkyNonkers · 14/06/2015 12:17

There's lots near Weymouth too.

NinkyNonkers · 14/06/2015 12:18

And it says something about me that to me Weymouth isn't a 'small town'!

Fatmomma99 · 14/06/2015 12:19

I LOVE Weymouth. Your near Bournemouth AND you're by the sea. What's not to love???

CMon · 14/06/2015 12:28

YANBU
Sounds like a good plan. It's good to hear that you and your DH are able to discuss this and and you are trying your best to make a go of things. It's admirable. Young kids and financial stress are very testing for the strongest of relationships.

Good luck.

BTW. I love Weymouth

PrimalLass · 14/06/2015 13:09

Move back. We moved London-Edinburgh-Fife, so smaller scale each time. Never been happier. London is just too much hard work.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 14/06/2015 14:12

Like somebody said up thread, it sounds like two nice people whose marriage is falling apart because of the financial pressures and the stresses of having too much in.

In your shoes, I'd try salvage the marriage. And agree with poster that will only give you a good shot at saving it. But at least it will have a chance. And if it still falls apart you will be able to say that you gave it your all. Otherwise, during hard times you may look back and regret not taking this last chance.

But don't count help with childcare unless you talk it through with those you think might help and get agreement in advance of making any plans.

Some of that 'support' might be a weekly coffee while kids are in school...
Those with similar aged children might just want to meet as soft play/park, etc...
And likewise, you might get great help from unexpected places.

Sincerely wishing you the best of luck with all this.

Original poster
smalltownmoving · 14/06/2015 14:23

not counting on help with childcare. it would mean I could be a sahp for a while. school based on local school not other end of borough as now is 45 mins depending in buses. everything needed work school housing about only 20 mins away not commuting on the tube etc for over an hour.

OP posts:
Zoneout · 14/06/2015 14:34

Weymouth is no longer like living 20 years behind the rest of the country.

It has cinemas, good schools etc even Dorchester has the dinosaur museum who needs natural history with that on your doorstep Wink

But the thing I would say is housing is not cheap in Weymouth. I know it is compared to London but compared to Poole (excl Sandbanks etc) it is.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 14/06/2015 14:49

It's just when i moved back to a place where I had lots of friends, the ones I see regular are not my old friends, but new ones I since made, mostly people I met through my DDs. And I do still meet the old friends, usually for dinner every few months, and really enjoy their company. But that is much less frequent that they mentioned when they heard I was moving back. It's just that life is so busy for all of us, juggling school, children's hobbies , etc.

But I will add that I got seriously sick two years ago, and ALL my friends were so good to me. In fact I'm in hospital now, and I've made a spreadsheet for DH with a rota of people taking DDs from school, dropping and collecting DDs from hobbies.
I don't believe you would have the same response in a very large city.

Finally I know you are trying to cut down on the crazy life, but I seriously recommend getting involved in school PTA in your new area. I only joined this year, in the last year of DD1 being in Primary. I've got to meet loads of very nice people. I'm genuinely sorry I didn't join years ago, it would have been nice to have a good network in the earlier years.

Original poster
smalltownmoving · 14/06/2015 21:53

also help tell the dds ?

OP posts:
Trills · 14/06/2015 21:57

the DSs would go to school with my old school friends kids

Is that a pro for you?

I would HATE it.

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