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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do I tell next door neighbours we are planning a home birth?

51 replies

ollieplimsoles · 13/06/2015 13:56

Hey all, need advice as I'm not sure how to approach this.

Our next door neighbours are moving and have rented their house out through letting agents to another young couple who have a young child, he looks about 6 months old.

We are planning a home birth for our first dc and I'm wondering- do you tell/ warn neighbours next door when it gets nearer the time? The walls are quite thin and we can hear sounds from each other's houses quite often.

Its my first and I have no idea what will happen, it could also be in the middle of the night and I'm thinking of their DC. Is it a weird thing to tell them?

OP posts:

AlisonBlunderland · 13/06/2015 14:05

I would let them know.

Judging from the "what random stuff did you say yell during labour" thread, they might end up calling the police if you start yelling that your husband is a F--g bastard and you never want to see him again

tinymeteor · 13/06/2015 14:06

I might not make it the opening gambit with new neighbours, but definitely go round and introduce yourselves. Friends next door with a similar aged child could be a lifeline when pure at home with a baby. Get in there quick with a cup of tea and find out if they're nice.

If they have a small kid you'll be living with their noise too, so a bit of tolerance on your side now will set the tone for when you want them to put up with your noise later.

I would forewarn them about the birth plan at some point just so you don't scare the crap out of them when it gets noisy

SoundsLegit · 13/06/2015 14:06

I'd probably give them a heads up. If they hear you shouting out from pain or anything at 2am you might have the police on your doorstep, which might make a good birth story but probably wouldn't be overly helpful!

MehsMum · 13/06/2015 14:06

I think it's fair to warn them as you have no idea beforehand how much noise you're likely to make. Our neighbours on one side definitely knew (we were quite friendly) and I think I mentioned to the ones the other side (it was a long time ago now...) We were mid-terrace.

Two of my neighbours went off to a PTA meeting knowing I was in labour and I think that was about all the PTA talked about that night...

Spog · 13/06/2015 14:09

i would let them know.
just in case they worry if they hear you being a bit vocal (which you have every right to be, IFYSHIM).

Original poster

ollieplimsoles · 13/06/2015 14:15

Thanks for the advice, they seem like nice people (the previous neighbours were a little uptight so I'm glad they are leaving really).

I hope they don't think its strange that I go to their house to introduce myself and then during the conversation, warn them that they might hear shouting and wailing through the night! Not really what you want when you think you have found a nice quiet area to live in!

I agree it would be nice to get along especially as they have a young ds themselves.

OP posts:

mygrandchildrenrock · 13/06/2015 14:16

I didn't but wanted to send my husband round at 4 in the morning, after baby had been born because I was so embarrassed about the noise I'd made.
I don't know why I didn't think to let them know beforehand!

plinkin · 13/06/2015 14:18

Our old NDN let us know they were planning a home birth, which was nice of them, even though we were dreading it (we already knew all their problems etc from the loud shouting that went on regularly ) however, it turned out she had to be taken to the hospital due to complications (mum and baby were fine). It was decent of them to give us the heads up so definitely mention it and good luck!!

AlisonBlunderland · 13/06/2015 14:26

Our previous NDN didn't mention that she was planning a home birth.

We heard nothing and the first we knew about it was when her husband told us the next day that he had helped her deliver their daughter on the bathroom floor before the midwife got there!

Original poster

ollieplimsoles · 13/06/2015 16:35

Alison

I hope thats me! A nice quiet one (but I doubt it)

I think I will introduce myself to them before warning them, I'll do that a bit closer to the time!
I hope we don't disturb them too much although I dare say I won't care at all when the time comes

OP posts:

NoArmaniNoPunani · 13/06/2015 16:36

We are planning a home birth and I hadn't considered this.

SaucyJack · 13/06/2015 16:43

If you're wanting to make friends with them at any point, going round and telling them you're planning a home birth would be as good a conversation starter as any- specially as with a 6 month old she'll still probably be in "the zone" herself.

HighwayDragon · 13/06/2015 16:44

If I heard a pregnant woman next door screaming the place down I'd call 999 in a shot then hot foot it over. Probably best to warn them!

Loletta · 13/06/2015 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Calzedonia · 13/06/2015 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DisappointedOne · 13/06/2015 16:50

I was planning on having DD in a birthing pool in the garden. I warned ALL the neighbours.

Original poster

ollieplimsoles · 13/06/2015 16:52

NoArmani what are your neighbours like?

It came into my head after I realised the walls are thin and if I'm noisy they will surely hear something- what if they think something bad is happening!

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 13/06/2015 16:58

We told our neighbours and mentioned the baby was due in November.

I only made one very loud noise but it woke them up with a start. She said to her DH, 'OMG what's that? Oh yeah it's November isn't it?'

They sent a lovely bouquet of flowers the next day.

susurration · 13/06/2015 17:14

I would mention it casually, yes. Our NDN (detached thankfully) laboured for a long time at home before going to hospital. It was very hot, middle of the day and they had the doors open. If I hadn't known she was pregnant and planning a home birth I probably would have been round there wanting to know she was not being murdered.

Athenaviolet · 13/06/2015 17:18

I wouldn't mention it in the first ever conversation you have with them!

Introduce yourselves first. Be neighbourly. You may find txt after a couple of conversations the char will turn to birth esp if she's got an infant, giving you the opportunity to casually mention your he plan.

AmyElliotDunne · 13/06/2015 17:25

I agree, introduce yourselves first. If you're already showing they might ask about when it's due and you can slip it into conversation naturally rather than announcing it specifically.

CuppaSarah · 13/06/2015 17:39

I heard one family on here sent round with a bottle of wine and some earplugs, which might be a nice touch. Its what I'm planning to do, as our ndns are so lovely and considerate to us.

If they have a six month old I'm sure they will be relived, as it lessens their guilt for baby noise that you'll be putting up with.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 13/06/2015 17:51

NoArmani what are your neighbours like?

An older lady and her son. I'm due between Christmas and New year olds so hopefully they'll be away visiting relatives.

noeffingidea · 13/06/2015 18:05

I didn't but then we weren't on particularly good terms at the time. I didn't make much noise either,according to my 2 older kids watching telly downstairs. I think that knowing people can hear you tends to make you be quieter.

ChickenLaVidaLoca · 13/06/2015 18:11

I must admit I've always wondered whether homebirthers all just have very thick walls or tolerant neighbours! But I am a looooooooud birther. Yes I think would be best to mention to them nearer to the time, so they're not alarmed if and when they hear anything. Maybe you'll get lucky and she'll turn out to be a doula!

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