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Original poster

Do I tell next door neighbours we are planning a home birth?

51 replies

ollieplimsoles · 13/06/2015 13:56

Hey all, need advice as I'm not sure how to approach this.

Our next door neighbours are moving and have rented their house out through letting agents to another young couple who have a young child, he looks about 6 months old.

We are planning a home birth for our first dc and I'm wondering- do you tell/ warn neighbours next door when it gets nearer the time? The walls are quite thin and we can hear sounds from each other's houses quite often.

Its my first and I have no idea what will happen, it could also be in the middle of the night and I'm thinking of their DC. Is it a weird thing to tell them?

OP posts:
Original poster
ollieplimsoles · 13/06/2015 18:19

I've heard vocalising during contractions can be essential for some ladies- this might turn out to be me so I don't want them to be alarmed by the dying moose sounds coming from next door haha.

I like the wine and earplugs idea! :D

OP posts:
PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 13/06/2015 18:29

I didn't tell my neighbours (we live in a semi) and they didn't even know I'd had the baby until a few days after. I can hear their phone ringing and the arguments they have with their teens so I assume the walls aren't too thick.

SaucyJack · 13/06/2015 18:31

Congratulations Armani Smile

Chimchar · 13/06/2015 18:34

I told my neighbours, even though we are not particularly friendly.

I'm glad we did...there was a lot of coming and going of MW, one came to deliver more gas and air, one popped out to her car a few times and the neighbours might have thought something was very suspicious if we hadn't have said.

We saw them the next day and they say they had guessed the baby had arrived!

They didn't hear anything though...in fact, my other kids slept through in the room next door.

Good luck when the time comes!

Finola1step · 13/06/2015 18:40

When I had a homebirth with dd, I told the neighbours on both sides beforehand. One had had a homebirth herself the year before, I only knew because I could hear her briefly while I was watching The Apprentice. She then very kindly told me that she didn't hear me at all and only knew the next morning when she heard dd crying. Bless her.

RevoltingPeasant · 13/06/2015 18:44

Ollie yes on vocalising!

I kept my head together pretty well during labour, didn't swear etc. But I found it really helped to shout at the peak of a contraction.

We don't know our ndn especially well so we just wrote a note in their Xmas card - DD due late Jan or early Feb.

I was fairly vocal but it only lasted ninety mins. I figured it was payback for the time their kids watched the entirety of Rocky Horror Picture Show so loud we could sing along with the songs Grin

formerbabe · 13/06/2015 18:46

I wouldn't tell them...none of their dam business and if they hear, tough luck...its hardly going to be a regular noise problem!

ChickenLaVidaLoca · 13/06/2015 18:48

It's not so much about regular noise problems formerbabe, more that if they get worried by any vocalisations they might worry and come round to see if OP's ok. As well as saving them any concern, she presumably would prefer not to be interrupted.

Starlightbright1 · 13/06/2015 18:56

How far gone are you? If due very soon then yes tell them on meeting but otherwise save it till closer to the time. If I heard a pregnant neighbor screaming I would probably go round to check if all ok.

formerbabe · 13/06/2015 19:02

It's not so much about regular noise problems formerbabe, more that if they get worried by any vocalisations they might worry and come round to see if OP's ok

Still not enough reason Imo to tell a stranger details of how you intend to give birth. Besides, I'd imagine they'd see the op heavily pregnant and put two and two together when the time comes!

ChickenLaVidaLoca · 13/06/2015 19:15

Yes, the thing about putting two and two together is that should they hear vocalisations and assume she's in labour, if they don't know she's planning a homebirth they might come over to see if she needs an ambulance calling, help getting to hospital etc. This thread illustrates that plenty of people would do just that, suggesting it's a realistic possibility. So OP needs to weigh up whether she'd prefer to tell a neighbour (who's unlikely to be a stranger in a few months time) about where she plans to give birth, or risk interruption.

littlejohnnydory · 13/06/2015 19:19

I didn't warn the neighbours and I'm a screamer! Didn't even occur to me!

spiderlight · 13/06/2015 19:20

I was going to mention it (as we hadn't long moved in and we had a lovely elderly couple next door and didn't want to worry them), but then DS was born three weeks early and I didn't get a chance. I sent DH round a day or two later to apologise for any disturbance and introduce DS and they hadn't heard a thing and were astonished that he'd arrived!

SaucyJack · 13/06/2015 19:32

Telling someone you're planning a home birth isn't much of a private secret IMO. It's not as if the OP will be inviting them in to watch.

Original poster
ollieplimsoles · 13/06/2015 19:55

I live on a cul de sac full of families and ots the sort of place where everyone pops in on each other I know this neighbour is new but they will likely get into the flow of the neighbourhood by my due date and will check up if they hear anything off. I don't want to worry them.

I'm due October, everything going ok so far I was planning to tell them maybe September when we know each other better but if it comes up earlier I will mention it!

OP posts:
CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 13/06/2015 20:03

judging by the noises and sounds I made, and at the volume I made them, I'd tell them!!

I sounded like a gorilla with a megaphone. :)

NotMyChashkaChai · 13/06/2015 20:09

I didn't tell my ndns that I was planning a home birth. Not only did they have no idea that I'd laboured and given birth at home, they also missed the ambulance turning up in the middle of the night (unfortunately I had a retained placenta). They were completely unaware of this until we went round to introduce dd, but they also had been completely unaware that I'd even been pregnant!

Samwaygangeee · 13/06/2015 20:17

How exciting! One of my neighbours had a home birth and we saw the midwife arrive and then leave! So lovely!

ToastMama · 13/06/2015 20:33

My sister and her friends called the police when they heard what they thought was a prolonged DV incident at their neighbours house. Police showed up, noises continued... Police then came to see my sister and said they'd interrupted a home birth.

Definitely tell them!

raspberryriot · 13/06/2015 20:38

Yes, I'd definitely tell them. Our neighbour had a home birth (Victorian terrace) and it was very loud and went on for a very long time. Luckily we knew what was happening so could explain what was going on to our children!

yallahabibi · 13/06/2015 20:41

I had a fastidious colleague with very beautiful London flat that was completely swamped by a birthing pool falling through from the flat above ....post delivery .

Personally I wouldn't want to be in if it likely I or the children would hear screams , so heads up would be good .

Toombumber · 13/06/2015 20:52

I think it's all been said by others already but I had my two at home, one in a flat- put a note in all the neighbours' doors, but never saw anyone afterwards who said anything, and we moved from there a few months later.
Second time we were in a semi and I told the neighbours so they knew what to expect. They told me the next day they had been very concerned and on the point of coming round anyway because I was labouring alone in the house and they somehow knew that my partner was away with work and couldn't get back in time. They were relieved when they saw the midwife arrive, 6 minutes before the birth. So it wasn't just a case of them using earplugs, they were up and ready to get quite involved (throughout a Saturday night this was, between 1 and 3am).
I had not thought about them at all in labour though- don't worry about being inhibited by the thought of people hearing you OP, they will literally be the last people on your mind at that time.

Bair · 13/06/2015 20:59

I'd tell them.

I hate hearing people in pain, I really struggled when I was kept on the delivery suite overnight with DS. My problem no one else's, obviously.

But I'd probably have a wee escape plan for when things kicked off if I'd been pre-warned, so I could leave you to it without disturbing you but not have to hear if the walls were thin.

SandysMam · 13/06/2015 22:37

I heard the next door neighbours entire home birth and all the screaming. It was horrific!! I knew she was pregnant so after a while figured out what it was but I still found it quite distressing for a while before the penny dropped. I heard the actual moment the baby was born (it was the middle of the night, I had no where to go and couldn't not hear!) and felt like I was part of something magical!! A heads up would have been nice though and made the screams before I realised less concerning! Good luck!

blueshoes · 13/06/2015 23:34

I would be mortified if I could hear my neighbour in labour for hours. I would not like my children to have to listen to it either. This is one aspect of home birth I have never thought about and hope I never encounter as a neighbour.

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