to not know how to handle a kids party situation.

[ohdear27]

DD will be six next week and she really wanted a party. She has not had a 'proper' party before. So hall and entertainer booked. Her school was off for 2 weeks for whit so the invitations were only sent out when she got back with just over a weeks notice. We invited all her year 1 class.

I have now had a number of 'rsvps'. Boys replying yes and all the girls that have replied so far saying 'no'. One mum replied that it was her daughter's (X)birthday on the day of the party so they had things planned. Then I have just had another decline that makes things seems a little clearer - it stated that her daughter couldn't come the party as she had already accepted an invitation for the same day and time. Now it did not say whose party it was but it would seem likely it is X'x.

So what do i do on several levels:

1. About why my lovely and gregarious daughter that is clearly so unpopular that she is the only girl in the class not invited to X's party. My daughter likes X and talks about her as if they are friends. This is not the first time that she has not been invited to things, I once witnessed the teacher giving out invitations as the children left school to a different girls party (again a girl DD likes) and my DD was not being given one. She was not the only one at the time - but it struck me as rather cruel which is why I made a point of inviting the whole class. Why is she unpopular? I feel devastated about this.

1. The next thing is the party itself - she cant have a party with 13 boys and her as the only girl. She is a girly not - not a tome boy. So do I cancel it? - she will be devastated. maybe rearrange it? but as the invitations have already gone out that would involve me having to inform parents that it was now rearranged and could get messy.

Are just do not know how to handle this situation at all. I should point out that I rarely pick up or drop off at school as I work 4 days a week so I cant imagine this could be related to anything I have done or said. I do find the parents at the school gates quite cliquey so I just keep to myself.

I cant believe how upset I feel about this and how unsure what to do. The party is suppose to be this time next week so we need a fast plan!!

In an earlier post, I suggested re-scheduling might be a way forward. On reflection, I think that you'll still have the problem of only giving a weeks' notice, so probably better to go ahead as planned

My ds1 was the only child out of a group of friends not to be invited to a party. Birthday boy told him (ds1) that his mum wouldn't let him invite ds1. His mum is an angry alcoholic and doesn't like me. It does happen. If you get the wrong side of alpha mum they take it out on the kids. Ds1 cried all the way home from school.

I am still thinking of rescheduling - I think some of you may have thought I already had 13 replies from the boys. I was just speculating as I'd had a few 'yes's from the boys.

1 have had 3 accepts from boys.
1 decline from a boy (going away for the weekend)
10 declines from girls
And just this morning an accept from a girl. So obliviously cheered a bit by the fact it now seems DD was not the only girl not invited to the other party!
I spoke to my friend that has 2 girls and her eldest is at brownie camp and she has arranged for the youngest to stay at Grandma's say night and afternoon (not local) so her girls also cant make the original date.

So my thought so far are - I ve checked with the hall and they will change the booking, told them the whole tale and they were very understanding - told me I could say they were double booked of them. I still need to speak to the entertainer but wanted to get more feedback first.

Ill get another set of invitations today - write them out and just write on the envelope - ' Please ignore invitation sent out on Friday, date rearranged'

I also thought I'd send a text tonight to those i have the numbers for telling them I have changed the date. I can also go in work late on Monday so that I can personally give them out and speak with other mums.

I would really appreciate some feed back this afternoon as I am all a dither about it.

Athenaviolet - why on earth should the OP apologise to the other parent? The OP has done nothing wrong and since all the girls seem to be going to her party, and OPs DD has been left out, there is absolutely nothing to apologise for.

ohdear, I really don't think you need to do this. I have been a mess before every child's party I have ever organised - for absolutely no reason. Each time, they worked out brilliantly. Sometimes things didn't work out as I had planned - different people, more people, fewer people - at no time did anyone remotely care. (I posted on mn about the first child's party I organised - in a panic!)

So, take a deep breath, and trust. you do not need to miss any work to go to the play ground. you do not need to rearrange. You do not need to send out a second set of invitations. You can do all these things... and everything will be fine... but you will never know if they would have been fine anyway, without you having to do all that work.

Do you have a best friend? Do you have a DH? Try to get someone calm irl onside. Just someone who knows you are all a dither and will give you a shoulder to worry on and will be by your side on the day.

I don't think that rearranging is fair to the ones that have already accepted tbh.

Also, you don't know who the other mother invited or didn't invite.

Not being invited to the other party doesn't make your daughter unpopular!

So what happens when you rearrange and still the wanted ones cannot come because they don't want to/have other commitments? Rearrange again?

Ask her who else she wants to invite and get them asked.

Don't rearrange.

The ones that have accepted can make the original date. Might end up with one coming on new date.

Oh and you realise not everyone rsvp's?

I realise not everyone will rsvp. There is not a particular list of who I want and dont want to come the party. But I only have 4 children coming at the moment. With just 2 girls left to reply. Still waiting on quite a few of the boys to reply. While a small tea party for 4 would be ok at home. It wont work in hall. So I would have to change the venue I think, if I did not change the date.

One of the 4 is Ds's mate too rather than someone from her class. So actually only 3 of her friends.

Potentially how many children could you end up with in addition to the 4 that have RSVP'd and your own two children?

Could you manage to fit that number in at home? It would make the party seem 'bigger' than only having a few kids wandering around a big hall if that is something that is worrying you.

I's still have reservations about rescheduling - there's no guarantees as to who will turn up and you'll just be dragging the stress out for even longer!

If you really feel the only way is to rearrange, I would suggest maybe going for the weekend before the summer hols which will have a nice end of term feel and be a good few weeks away in terms of notice.

OP I would do as you suggest. Sure you might only get 4 again but then you know you've done the best you can to ensure your dd has a party she will enjoy.

It's your money you're spending so do what you want. Fwiw l wouldn't care if the date changed, if we could make it great, but if not tough. It's your dd party, not for the benefit of her class mates.

OP I think that's a fab idea, rescheduling.

Thanks, I can't believe a kids party can reduce me to such a state. It is made I think by dh being away on a stag weekend, so dont have his input. He is abroad with no signal. Going to ring my child minder and discuss the whole situation with her before a final decision. But realise I have to act fast as this whole situation has been caused by my laxidesical attitude in the first place.

If by some fluke all those that have not yet replied said they could come if be looking at about 10 guests.

OP It's not your fault about your dd not being invited to the other party, some people are just cliquey.
My dd has had 2 whole class parties as has my ds. They've had a handful of invites back. DD has had friends over at least 20 times in the last couple of years. She's had about 5 invites back. Sometimes, no matter what you do, your kid still gets left out.

If there's at least one other girl who's not been invited to the other party (because she's accepted yours), then you know your DD hasn't been the only one left out - not all parents can afford to do whole class parties or hire a hall, it could well be she's only invited 9 other children, that your DD isn't the only one left out if it's a class of 30. It can feel like "everyone" is going to another party, but really, you've only had 10 declines (one of them being the other birthday girl) and you don't know that all of those are declining because they're going to the other party. It easily could be they were having a very small, at home party.

Anyway, I think if you have your DD's non-school friends available on another date, then go with saying the hall was double booked, call the entertainer and see if they can reschedule, then just do it. Blame the hall, and see who can do the new date.

Don't reschedule.

You could come off worse if neither the people who have accepted nor those who have declined can come.

It is rude to the people who have accepted. People talk and they may realise you are rearranging because of the other party and feel that their company was not good enough (petty I know but they might).

Cancel the hall but keep the entertainer and have it at home.
It will be fine. A party is a party. Kids always have a good time no matter how badly you as the parent feel it has gone. My DC seem to have been to every variety of party; tea at home, running around a big hall, entertainers, bouncy castles, discos, swimming, soft play and as far as I could see that enjoyed every single one.

The one thing I've learnt over years of hosting is that less is more. Less kids and less stress and effort. Unless you actually love handcrafting cardboard toadstools and baking an elaborate fairy castle cake don't bother. The kids are as happy running around a fairly empty hall, mainlining crisps and chocolate fingers and getting a party bag full of plastic tat.

Enjoy what you have got. Be positive and DD will feel positive. Chalk it up to experience and plan better next year.
Ask the parents if they want to stay and lay on some and or better still and you can start your getting to know you mission.
Or alternatively drink enough that you no longer care whether anyone came at all!

Hi agree with previous poster.
With children's parties less is more.
Best number of children is age of child so six.
I think birthday children enjoy smaller parties more than big hall dos with all the class plus inevitably their parents etc. They tend to be noisy and chaotic.
Don't reschedule you may not get any more replies.
Keep the date, cancel the hall and have the entertainer at home.
Plus you will get some who just turn up , so remember on the day. to put a big notice on the hall door : Flossies party now at home. Hopefully you put your tel number on original invite.

I would move the party to your house or a soft play and keep tthe date
I had the issue where I invited the whole class to a party and got about 10 no's, 10 no responses and 10 yes' s. So stressful. I'm not one of the "in crowd" where the mums are concerned and found it hard chasing them up. My kids are still v young and I feel like I've given up on the party thing already

I know what you mean passthecake. I really wish we had not started the whole thing. But DD was so into having a party and chose were she wanted it etc herself. She also had a very clear list of who she wanted the invite. I invited the whole class as hate the thought of anyone being left out. But the girls she had on her list are not coming so I think she will notice. She is 'on the ball' enough to know that something is amiss if none of the girls she wanted to ask are there. I could probably get away with things pulling the wool over ds's eyes even though he is older but dd is really switched on.

Really good suggestions about keeping your original date, keeping the entertainer but having the party at home, if you really feel the hall will be too big for 6 -10 children.
Re-arranging may well back fire, the children who are currently coming may have other commitments on the new date and who knows what the other girls will be doing on the new date.
A party is a party, fun, games and food regardless of numbers and genders.
Don't worry so much and you and your DD will have fun!

Oh F**K. After a chat will the childminder who assured me rescheduling is often done. She has 3 older children and has been child minding for 20 years so i trust her opinion; I text the parents whose kid replied yes and told them about the date change. one hour later and still no reply. God i feel awful, particualarly as in the meantime one more girl and a boy have both replied that they can come. So i would have had a reasonable number of people for a party anyway (maybe not a hall party - but a house party)

Oh f**k i cant believe this is all so hard.

PLEASE stop giving yourself such a hard time, ohdear. Please either pour yourself a glass of or give yourself a and have some from me. Plus some (you know why!)

Your DD is going to be fine, do you know why? Because Ohdear is her mother!!!!

Way too much drama for a kids party.