to not know how to handle a kids party situation.

[ohdear27]

DD will be six next week and she really wanted a party. She has not had a 'proper' party before. So hall and entertainer booked. Her school was off for 2 weeks for whit so the invitations were only sent out when she got back with just over a weeks notice. We invited all her year 1 class.

I have now had a number of 'rsvps'. Boys replying yes and all the girls that have replied so far saying 'no'. One mum replied that it was her daughter's (X)birthday on the day of the party so they had things planned. Then I have just had another decline that makes things seems a little clearer - it stated that her daughter couldn't come the party as she had already accepted an invitation for the same day and time. Now it did not say whose party it was but it would seem likely it is X'x.

So what do i do on several levels:

1. About why my lovely and gregarious daughter that is clearly so unpopular that she is the only girl in the class not invited to X's party. My daughter likes X and talks about her as if they are friends. This is not the first time that she has not been invited to things, I once witnessed the teacher giving out invitations as the children left school to a different girls party (again a girl DD likes) and my DD was not being given one. She was not the only one at the time - but it struck me as rather cruel which is why I made a point of inviting the whole class. Why is she unpopular? I feel devastated about this.

1. The next thing is the party itself - she cant have a party with 13 boys and her as the only girl. She is a girly not - not a tome boy. So do I cancel it? - she will be devastated. maybe rearrange it? but as the invitations have already gone out that would involve me having to inform parents that it was now rearranged and could get messy.

Are just do not know how to handle this situation at all. I should point out that I rarely pick up or drop off at school as I work 4 days a week so I cant imagine this could be related to anything I have done or said. I do find the parents at the school gates quite cliquey so I just keep to myself.

I cant believe how upset I feel about this and how unsure what to do. The party is suppose to be this time next week so we need a fast plan!!

I'd start with seeing if you can move the party to the saturday /Sunday - hall and entertainer, 2 calls, quite quick.

Then contact all those who've RSVPed yes and see if they can move. Get new invites out on Monday.

There's a few things here, 2 weeks notice is not enough for most people, particularly if you arranged it on the date of another child's birthday. Even if some of the other girls would prefer to come to your DD's party, most parents would take the same stanse I would that you go to the invite you accepted first.

If you never have other children over to play from school, the mums won't know you, it's less likely your DD will be one who gets invited to stuff.

Oh OP. I understand how you feel. I'm inclined to agree with gamerchick and have the party anyway. Nevermind other mums and any cliques, let them be, they don't really matter.

I would also take it a step further... change some of the activities so they are gender-less and, if anything, make some provision for the high proportion of boys. I know you say your daughter is not a tomboy but she doesn't need to be defined as being 'girlie' either.

If the weather's nice, what about a fun sports' day type thing? Relay races, egg and spoon, tag, a game of rounders even? Easy to make up two teams of 7 from the group you have going.

I think you may well find that, if you present this in the right way, your daughter's popularity and party will be positively talked about for a while - and the girls who didn't/couldn't attend will be aware of what they've missed.

Ham this up, OP, play up for all you're worth and make this an event to remember, co-opt in family and friends/neighbours to help you make this an event to remember. If you do the 'Eeyore' thing, your daughter will pick up on that and be sad because you are.

You can do this!

Plus I work 4 days a week and DH works shifts (dont really want kids round when he is asleep before doing nights) We do have BBqs and people round but these are our friends that, if they do have children they are older

I'm going to be blunt here but you need to make more effort. I work full time and DH works shifts in the emergency services. We have a big family but you have to think of your child making friends at school. Do you think i want to spend my one afternoon off a week having her friends to play ? Of course i don't ! But getting on the "playdate" wagon has led to me making some school Mum friends and really helped DD making friends at school.
And 1 week is far too short notice for a party

Next year, I would suggest you check with the teacher if other children have birthday around the same time & send out your invitations further in advance and / or host a joint party with the other family

This year, I would either reschedule your party, or else invite other friends / neighbours / nursery pals to boost the numbers

Think I'd be pissed off to reply yes to the first invite to then be told the right people weren't coming so you were rearranging. I doubt I'd say yes to the second invite so you may end up with less than you have now.

I would say this:
Stick with the party. You have booked an entertainer and they will be able to entertain any combination of boys/girls. They will have a great time, and I'm quite sure they won't be thinking about the kids that aren't there.

If you re-arrange, it will be a faff, and no guarantee of more children coming (it sounds like there are already 15-ish???), and it strongly gives the message that some guests are more welcome than others.

Also, even if you cancel, someone is bound to turn up at the venue and then be disappointed.

Seeing as your dd hasn't had a party before, she won't have any particular expectations. It will be fine, honestly, and really fun.

How sad, but I agree that you need to get some playdates going.

I'd rearrange if I were you. My dd would have been very upset at all boys and no girls.

What lunar1 said, I wouldn't accept a subsequent party invite from you if you were just rescheduling for specific guests to attend. Bad form, really bad form and it wouldn't endear you. Don't do it, please.

Go ahead with the party definitely, pretty unfair on the boys to reschedule-nothing to say the girls will come on an alternative date anyway.
Sure your DD will have a fab time whatever.
I would try to make a little more effort in future & do a few playdates.

I'm sorry you are upset. I can understand why but honestly, your party was very short notice and on the date of another child's party so I think you've done well to get so many 'yes es'.

You can gamble on getting more girls if you reschedule but maybe check out with a few mums first that they could make it.

I d also be wary of assuming that all the girls except your dd have been invited to the other party. If that were true it would be horrible and very few people would behave in such a way ime. More likely that the other girl is having a girls only party for limited numbers.

I'm not going to add terribly much to what other people have said, but here's my 10pence worth:

DEF not enough notice, esp at this time of year. My dd's birthday is in grim autumn/winter, and people very rarely refuse her invites (esp when the kids were younger - they're all teens now) and that was cos the parents were so grateful to get rid for their kids for a couple of hours when the weather's grim. At this time of year, people tend to do more stuff because the weather's generally better (not today where I live, btw!). We give invites out generally with 3 - 4 weeks notice and/or DD talks at school to her mate and/or I mention it to other mums.

You do, as others have said, need to make more effort. No one else has suggested this, but I'd suggest joining the PTA. That'll help you get to know other mums and give you a 'role' at events (bound to be a summer fete soon, and they'll be grateful for ANY offers of help - you can just litter pick or something if you're feeling shy). I can not emphasize enough how having a 'role' helped me.

If you want to change the date, suggest you speak to the entertainer first and explain and see whether they can be flexible. Then to everyone else, say the entertainer had to cancel (agree reason with entertainer in advance so you don't get caught out).

If you do decide to go ahead, and there's some good suggestions upthread here for if you do, I'd also add "the Chocolate Game" - always a winner!)

And, yes, sorry, but start organizing some play dates. Even informal, like "it's a lovely day today, anyone want to join us at the park?" (and have a few essentials in a big bag - snacks, water, suncream).

Good luck. Understand why you feel rubbish, but as another poster said - you CAN do this

What's "the Chocolate Game", Fatmomma?

of if you do rearrange, don't say it's because none of the girls could come, perhaps that there was a 'clash' and it 'has to be rescheduled' nice and vague, apologise lots, hint that either the hall or hte entertainer weren't available, or your DH's shifts meant he now couldn't come and your DD didn't want daddy to miss it... anything like that, I wouldn't get offended my child wasn't 'enough'.

But don't try to compete with the other party either - it's unfair on the other little girl, who did get her invites out first and is having her party on her birthday. You don't know she's left your DD out delibrately, it could be that her mum has just said "10/15 invites only" and your DD wasn't one she wanted on that list, if your DD isn't one she plays with outside of school, never gets an invite to your DD's party (as you didn't have one last year), doesn't get after school play date invites, doesn't get to meet up with her outside of school at holidays or weekends, then it might not have occurred to other mum that your DD was left off the list.

We used to play the chocolate game at our parties - it's ace. You have a big bar of cadburys and sit in a circle and each take a turn at rolling the dice. When you get a 6 you have to put on a hat, scarf, gloves Etc and then you can attack the chocolate with a knife and fork! But only until the next time someone throws a 6 so you have to do it all quickly!!

Op...I wouldn't cancel. Ask your dd casually if there are any girls at school who she plays with at break time who are not in the same class as her? If there are then ask them...either give an invite to their parent in the playground (using the classic line of...I've had this in my bag for ages to give to you! Sorry for the short notice...my dd always talks about yours and would love it if she could come blah blah) or via the teacher.

Sorry, Lying. Like Jackie said. You get the biggest bar of chocolate you can buy. The kids get into an absolute frenzy. It always takes AGES for anyone to get even a morsel of chocolate because it takes so long to put on hat/scarf/gloves and it's so hard to each choc with a knife and fork, but then someone gets it, and often then it takes forever to throw another six, and the rest of the kids are going mad.

It's great.

I've never played it without everyone having at least a bit of chocolate, but I do suggest keeping a spare bar (esp if it's it a big party) so that everyone gets some in the end.
Actually, if it's a big party (more than, say, 10), I'd break them into two or three groups with a bar of chocolate each.

The screaming is hysterical!!!!

Thanks eveyone. I do realise that 2 weeks was too short notice. I was just caught out by the 2 weeks holiday. I now defiantly realise I need to make more effort with other mums.
Although some of you have said not to reschedule, Iam now thinking this might be the best thing. I don't want to reschedule for th next day as its fathers day and that might cause a further clash. I was thinking that if I re did it for the following week. Assuming the entertainer will do it. Don't want to call him till I have a definite plan. Dh is away and uncontainable for the weekend so I can't get his opinion. I would obvious word any text or re invitation to not imply that there was any prefers choice of guests. I could just write something like "I am very sorry but due to a few problems I need to move the party to the following week, same time and place, I really hope that such a body can still make it' what do you think.

I wouldn't rearrange. Go ahead and invite more girls to existing party. To be honest, we have every weekend booked up now till summer hols as do lots of others, it still isn't much notice even if you change it. You risk fewer people than you have now.
But, why not invite a few girls for a play date in a couple weeks time. Take the plunge! You have the perfect excuse as they couldn't make the party.

Going to go against the grain a bit here and say you only really need to make more effort if you want to be part of the school social circle. It is ok not to be and especially for girls it can be a positive advantage when all the inevitable friend swapping and ostracising starts at about age 9. You sound like you have a wide social circle outside school and this is what I would concentrate on.

I inadvertently went on holiday and had family events clashing for a couple of early years parties and was eternally grateful to be dropped from the party circuit. I have just been to a toddler bday party where the bday girl looked stressed and miserable. I used to feel guilty about not doing class parties for my older dd but now don't. Concentrate on your dd and her special day and let the rest of the class take care of themselves.
Also agree it is fine to just have boys if your dd is not a girly girl but in that case I would make sure there is enough structure to the entertainment.

Op I was in a similar situation and was about to cancel when someone talked me out of it.. party was all fine in the end.

The other invitations went out first that's all. My son had a party this year when we had week old twins. Needless to say I didn't invite his whole class!! I hope that no one was offended. I think you need to give a minimum of 3/4 weeks notice. You couldn't expect people to turn around and refuse the first invitation!!

I would leave the part as it is and invite more girls as suggested. I would also consider running an after school tea type party for 3/4 of the girls your daughter is closest to the following week - call it 'birthday tea' maybe? Have pizza and a cake - she will have all her birthday presents to play with. I'm sure some of the mums feel bad to be missing her party.

I feel your pain. My little one is two and yet to have a party as I remain scarred by the last time I invited 6 mums and kids, just to play and eat cake, and only one showed up. He doesn't care at the moment but I will be you in a few years time. I guess you could have invited them sooner but I am at the comments that you should have known about the other kids birthday! Telepathy? Class survey? Your dd is 6 so unlikely to remember such stuff!!

I wouldn't rearrange unless you really think your DD will be seriously distressed at the thought of celebrating with boys! The 5 girls that haven't replied may yet confirm or show up on the day and if your other friends can make it with their DD's it's a bonus.

If you do rearrange it, I'd leave it a few weeks and take your DD for a treat for her actual birthday - this is a really busy time of year and postponing it by a week won't necessarily guarantee more people being available.

I think timing is the main issue, and if you are able to get to know some of the other parents in the future it will help (I know it's really bloody hard when you work and can't do school runs), as you can text and get a feel for the 'important' guests (the ones your DD is friendliest with) even before sending out invites.

FWIW My DD is September born, so we either invite at the end of summer term at the risk of people forgetting all about it, or when they go back which gives 7-10 day notice. Now she's older (11 this year), she has a smaller group and I have most of the mum's numbers so send a 'save the date' text in July and invitations on the first day of autumn term.

This happened in my DD's class last year and I found myself spending 1 hour at one party and an hour at the other child's party.
In DDs class we speak to the parents if we know the children have birthdays around the same time and send notes into school to make them aware of dates booked........ that way you don't get this situation and clashed party dates.

I really wouldn't cancel the party, like someone mentioned its her day and I am sure she will love her party. I think its a great idea to invite a few friends over one day after school for a tea party if they missed the party.