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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This house is NOT a shit hole!

122 replies

Furyfowler · 12/06/2015 19:01

I'm getting fed up of my dh complaining that the house is a shit hole..... He goes on about he doesn't pay £££ a month to live like this.

WIBU to tell him to either shut up or put up!

The house is NOT a shit hole, we are a family of 4... me, dh, 5yr old and a toddler. The house has stuff in it, it is never spotless. But the dishes are mostly done (there's always something sitting on the sidelike a cup or a plate) the bathroom is clean, the carpets are hoovered, the tabletops are cleaned after every meal/use.

Yes there are toys out of toy boxes, dvds not neatly put back but kind of thrown back, there's usually some item of clothing hangiing about where it shouldn't be along with books and stuff. There's always laundry to be done.

We live with 2 small children, it will never ever be spotless!

It pisses me off when he gets all huffy, as I'm a sahm and do alot of housework during the day, it's an ongoing process, not something you can dedicate 2 hard hours to. But I feel like he's thinking (implying) that I'm not pulling my weight!

WI also BU to go on strike :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Furyfowler · 12/06/2015 21:35

Well done Artandco

OP posts:
ArgentinianMalbec · 12/06/2015 21:36

Definitely go on strike! My DP moaned the other day because DDs wardrobe needed sorting so I told him he was welcome to tidy it if he wanted Wink
We both work FT so don't see why that's fully my responsibility.
Likewise it's not all your job either just because you're a SAHM - he lives there too doesn't he?

Notso · 12/06/2015 21:39

IIRC though Artandco(and apologies if I'm wrong) you and your DH both work full time.
When I worked and only had two school aged DC my house was really tidy because it was empty for most of the day.

Artandco · 12/06/2015 21:47

Not so - yes we do. But with small children that's often one of us working from home. Especially in the school holidays ( 10 weeks summer hols approaching)

Personally I don't care what others do in their house, it's theirs so up to them. I thought Op asked for others opinions I have given mine. Op is free to completely ignore it

Whathaveilost · 12/06/2015 22:14

Going off on a tangent I found it easier to keep a clean tidy house when I had babies and toddlers thn I had teens.

Babies didn't move much, toddlers only had the toys out that I had given them so it was one toy at a time.

While they were at having their nap I would do the house work ( if it was my day off- I work full time)

Teenagers are a different kettle of fish! Since they were toddlers I had taught them to put clothes in the laundry, help me clean the shower dishes straight to the dishwasher etc.
It's like all those years of preparation has never happened and I just st on my arse all day!

The only thing they seem to remember is to strip their bed every week for laundering.

keeptothewhiteline · 12/06/2015 22:27

How does your OP manage to have two kids and go off to work for three weeks at a time>
He wouldn't be able to do that without you OP.

If my OH spoke to me like this he would find that his key no longer fitted the front door.

yoursfan · 12/06/2015 22:34

Shouldn't the question be how would the OP manage to stay home with 2 kids instead of having to be a working mum without her husband going off to work away for 3 weeks at a time?

lottiegarbanzo · 12/06/2015 22:40

I'd leave the room and earshot at the first huff or puff, I can't stand that sort of negative attention seeking.

Shithole is a really nasty term. Messy, sure but it's clearly not disgusting.

morelikeguidelines · 12/06/2015 22:50

The running commentary while cleaning thing is awful, I have had a culprit here from time to time.

The new system we are trying out is to do some of the cleaning together one evening when kids are in bed. And then one of us have another go for a set period on the weekend while the other takes the kids out.

SurlyCue · 12/06/2015 22:56

Shouldn't the question be how would the OP manage to stay home with 2 kids instead of having to be a working mum without her husband going off to work away for 3 weeks at a time?

Not really no. Plenty of families have a SAHP without the WOHP needing to be away for 3 weeks at a time, so no it isnt necessary to work away in order to have a SAHP. However those that do work away for weeks at a time wouldnt be able to without the other parent lifting up the family work that they arent doing whilst away. In this case one cant happen without the other. In your case one can happen without the other.

Weebirdie · 12/06/2015 23:00

Having a spotless house does not mean a person doesn't play with their children.

And having children can be a very handy excuse for people who just don't want to, or cant, keep a house spotless.

keeptothewhiteline · 12/06/2015 23:05

Do houses need to be spotless?

Original poster
Furyfowler · 12/06/2015 23:12

No they dont keepto.... im not bothered about a spotless house, my children arent my excuse for that.
I don't mind a bit of mess :)

OP posts:
ThreeQuartersEmpty · 12/06/2015 23:18

Sorry to whoever said upthread about teenagers, I can't get your name.
Yes, yes, I agree.
The stuff left everywhere. Worse by far than toddlers!

Gymbob · 12/06/2015 23:22

he sounds like my dh, likes the sound of his own voice, and he's a moaning twat too.

Notso · 12/06/2015 23:22

No need to be defensive Art post what you like Smile. It was only an observation. You post quite frequently so I remembered previous comment about you working.
I have struggled with the house being a SAHM with two little ones at home full time and two in school. I keep thinking how easy it was when I was working with just two DC but it was an unfair comparison.
Also my first two DC were very neat 'players', my younger two are more 'need to build a duplo city for the Happyland people with the wooden train track round the edge then the plastic dinosaurs knock it all down' type of children. Tidying their play, even with them helping takes a long time.

Finola1step · 12/06/2015 23:24

I don't think this is about housework, spotless, show home etc etc. If I've read your posts correctly, your DH works away for 3 weeks, then has a week off. So even if he is back on the weekend, Mon-Fri you do everything on your own. Everything.

Then when he's at home, he moans. Because he simply isn't there day in, day out. Coming home every evening to share the load of bedtimes. You do it all. And he runs to his own routine and he cant down shift when he gets home.

As I said in a previous post, the balance is all off. He cant be away for days, weeks on end and expect to come home to a show home. But I suspect that that is what he thinks should happen and so gets wound up when it doesn't.

Oh and the washing. Its the putting away that is the time consuming bit. Not the shoving in the washing then moving it into the drier when done. That's the easy bit.

MyPreciousRing · 12/06/2015 23:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duplodon · 13/06/2015 00:00

My home has been Kondo'd to high heaven and to be honest, if I am keeping it spotless, I don't have much time with the kids (5, 3, 1). I guess it depends on your own context. I managed it well with just 2.

babybooboo123 · 13/06/2015 00:03

TYPICAL MAN.....! THAT'S THAT!!!Smile

keeptothewhiteline · 13/06/2015 06:36

*TYPICAL MAN.....! THAT'S THAT!!

Very sexist.
babybooboo, maybe typical of the men you choose but I assure you not of all.

When I was a SAHM with my OH working long periods away he was deeply grateful that his children were loved and cared for well while he was free to earn for our family. He was aware of the career sacrifices I made to support our family. He always did at least his fair share of housework when he was at home.

He valued my input as a caregiver far nore than a housekeeper.

duplodon · 13/06/2015 07:35

Typical doesn't mean everyone. A lot of people do share this experience: it isn't unusual. On average, women do much more of the housework than men in our society - this has been empirically researched quite a bit. Which experience is more usual (or typical) for most women, do you think - full, equal, shared workload between SAHP and working partner with undying gratitude and appreciation, or SAHP work broadly undervalued and housework becoming the SAHP's domain?

Passthecake30 · 13/06/2015 07:47

And having children can be a very handy excuse for people who just don't want to, or cant, keep a house spotless.

Fabulous, I'll need another excuse in 13 years or so.

Athenaviolet · 13/06/2015 07:52

I wish I could find a link to that anecdote where the man comes home to chaos and says to the mum 'what happened?' And she says I didn't do all the stuff I normally do all day!

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 13/06/2015 07:53

Passthecake I'm expecting number 2 so still got a good 18 years of excuse yet Smile.