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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed about both children being Star of the Week

43 replies

tutorproof · 12/06/2015 16:27

Son1 (9)is Star of the week. It has been hard earned. He got it for a dramatic improvement in his attitude and focus and for working really hard.

I am so proud of him and really feels like we have turned a corner. His confidence is easily knocked & he often gets despondent so I'm so pleased for him.

Have just picked Son2 up (6) and he's star of the week for a second time! He doesn't find things so hard.

They are like Horrid Henry & Perfect Peter.

I feel really bad for DS1 as this was supposed to be his special day where really make a fuss.

But I don't want to minimise DS2 who also works hard all the time.

Strategies please.

OP posts:

shoppingbagsundereyes · 12/06/2015 16:29

Why does this need to be an issue? I would make a family celebration out of it. 'What fabulous sons we have. you've both tried so hard this week. Let's go out for tea.' Would be my approach.

AlmaMartyr · 12/06/2015 16:29

Mine had this, and a similar situation. I made them a huge chocolate cake and we had a celebratory tea with lots of praise. We talked about what they had both done to get it, and emphasised DS slightly more since he hadn't had it before. Seemed to work OK.

squoosh · 12/06/2015 16:36

The only strategy should be 'WAHOO! You're both amazing'.

When you're having a quiet moment with Son1 you can mention how proud you are of his improved behaviour.

wearejustlikeKevinBacon · 12/06/2015 16:36

I would big up the celebration of the double whammy of both boys being SOTW! I am waiting for 2 of mine to get it at the same time, I would probably order Pizza or something.

MakeItRain · 12/06/2015 16:46

I see what you're saying.

Is there a chance you could spend some time with DS1 on his own over the weekend - maybe take him for lunch and tell him you wanted to spend some time with him because you're so proud of him. Emphasise that the it's the reason he got it that have made you so proud. Keep the reason you're taking him out low key when talking to ds2.

You could have a whole family celebration too, but as a separate thing?

BabyMurloc · 12/06/2015 16:53

YANBU if they sent bloody bears home...

I would make a big deal of both boys and extra praise given privately for ds1.

teatowel · 12/06/2015 16:58

Very annoying for you that they got it on the same week. Those of us who have children who need very different handling and encouragement will understand. For my son who had to work so hard, getting star of the week would have been an enormous achievement To get it on the same day as his bright younger brother would have diminished the fantastic moment. It will have to be a wonderful family celebration with special words for both of them. I feel your pain!

Soduthen116 · 12/06/2015 16:59

Yep nothing to do but celebrate. To be honest the kids that always try are often overlooked far more than the high achievers or the disruptive.

I would big up both lads and not focus too much on ds 1 anymore than ds 2. They are both equally stars.

workhouse · 12/06/2015 17:01

At our school they often give siblings star of the week the same week. It is so that parents can come and see them both getting the award in assembly. It does seem a little unfair though.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 12/06/2015 17:05

Gosh, this is a difficult one, isn't it?

I'd do the celebration tea to praise both, but maybe as you're doing the tucking-up/goodnight kiss, say to your DS1 quietly, "I'm so very, very proud of you because I know how hard you've been working for this!!

Angie611 · 12/06/2015 17:09

Oh my goodness, can't you be pleased for both your children? What a wonderful thing for both your sons to be star of the week. Take them both out for dinner to celebrate, be proud of them both. Just because DS2 is like Perfect Peter most of the time doesn't mean his achievements are any less valid.

Lavenderice · 12/06/2015 17:11

Your strategy is to stop referring to them as perfect and horrid!

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 12/06/2015 17:14

Angie - that's a little unfair.
Tutorproof was trying to treat both her children equally, in the knowledge that one son had worked much harder to gain his accolade than the other.
Of course she's pleased for both her children, why wouldn't she be? But she wants to treat them both fairly, knowing such praise is more forthcoming for one from the school than for the other.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 12/06/2015 17:16

Your strategy is to stop referring to them as perfect and horrid!

Again - I think a little unfair. I'm sure OP only used this analogy to get the reader to understand her predicament. She wouldn't necessarily be using these descriptions of her children to anyone else. She is trying to treat both of her children fairly.

Soduthen116 · 12/06/2015 17:18

I don't imagine the op refers to her children as perfect and horrid to their faces. she was just making the point.

MrsBennetsEldest · 12/06/2015 17:23

If neither were rewarded for their efforts then you could be annoyed but they were, so celebrate together and equally. Every child will be SOTW at some point even if it's for something like having lovely manners or being helpful or kind.

SomewhereIBelong · 12/06/2015 17:23

Do people really celebrate these things? At our DDs' school everyone got it at least once and those that were - in the teacher's words "the most spirited" got it more often - to the point where even the kids realised.

Panzee · 12/06/2015 17:25

I am a teacher. It makes no difference whether it's Henry or Peter, whoever gets Star of the Week has to have done something exceptional - for them. Peter would not have got it for remembering his 2x table, but Henry might, depending on what they are doing to challenge themselves. So their achievement is (or should be) the same.

overmydeadbody · 12/06/2015 17:26

Praise them both for their effort, it makes no difference that one DS always puts in the effort and your other DS doesn't always put in the effort, this week they have both managed to put in the effort so celebrate that!!!

Just because your 'perfect Peter' DS always puts in the effort doesn't mean it should be praised any less than your 'horrid Henry' who doesn't always put in the effort.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 12/06/2015 17:30

Somewhere - whether or not one thinks these things should be celebrated is neither here nor there.
If one might have a troublesome child, then an improvement in behaviour that would most certainly be something to be celebrated.
How a family chooses to reward a child is a matter for them. If a 'spirited' child becomes a delightful event for his or her family, then I can perfectly understand why the even may be slightly diminished by the less-spirited child receiving the very same award in the same week. Two different children, two different behaviours. The parents need to reward both, seemingly equally, even though one may have worked so much harder for his accolade than the other.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 12/06/2015 17:31

event not even ^

Original poster

tutorproof · 12/06/2015 17:40

Obviously I don't refer to them as perfect and horrid.

I think it's the fact that it's DS2's second turn this year that makes it awkward.

But DS1 found out earlier in the week (so we could attend assembly) so I've already bought his favourite tea/dessert.

Have told DS2 that he can have his choice next Friday.

Luckily had also bought Shaun the Sheep today as 'family gift' so everyone's happy.

OP posts:

TeacupTravels · 12/06/2015 17:45

I didnt realise people celebrated these things like that too. I feel a bit mean now! Every child gets it at some point in the year.... I sort of go "well done x" on the way home and make sure I show my husband... but that's it!

My older

Iggly · 12/06/2015 17:49

You cannot treat them equally only fairly.

I wouldn't do fav tea or dessert as a reward - kind of rubs it in the other ones face. I'd find a different way - just saying well done etc and making a fuss is enough IMO.

woolymum · 12/06/2015 19:12

i just say well done and leave it at that tbh. i don't make a big deal because here they find someway to ensure that each child in the class takes a turn so while they are each earned they are also inevitable.
it is not the fault of one that he is getting another award and to ignore it because you value the other award more is unfair.
congratulate them both equally. perfect has achieved well to have his second and the one today has equal merit to horrid's.

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