to enjoy the idea of motherhood more than the reality of it?

[PacificDogwood]

Sigh.

Just that.

There's some other shit going on in my life and I do love my children and am fully aware how very, very lucky I am to have them (I came to motherhood late in life).
But I don't like what it has done to me.
And I really don't like every aspect of it.
I was in tears this morning over a shouted 'I hate you!' from DS4(5) which was only the straw that broke the camels sad back - somebody please hand me a grip.

YANBU. I love my little son to bits but for the first six months of his life I ought I'd made a hideous, dreadful mistake (PND, birth injuries that need surgery to sort out, colic, cows milk allergy, terrible terrible sleep, refusal to eat, poor growth etc etc). I desperately wanted to be a mum, and I loved the idea of being his mummy, and him being my son, but it's only since he started sleeping through that I've started to actually enjoy it, and then only at times.

Ugh. The relentlessness, the samey-samey, the bloody BabyTV. Pacific, similar to you I had my first baby last year at 42 and now I'm pregnant with my second. I'll be 44 when this tot is born. I'll have two babies under 22 months. At 44. Ive only just stopped sterilising bottles. What have I done?

It certainly helps if the parents both work full time - you get the best of everything then.

Pacific does work in a pretty impressive career. Not every problem is answered by work full time/take two weeks mat leave/send em to private school.

It's hard. It's the combination of tiredness, worry and guilt that's the killer I think.

I'm sure your DS was just tired and everything will look better in the morning.

I hear you OP.

For all of you with tinies ... It doesn't get easier , the stresses change.

I work shifts too, constantly juggle childcare and have a bickering pair of DC one of whom is a noisy hormonal 10 year old.

As they get older I get less peace in an evening as they go to sleep later.

I feel constantly harassed and honestly worry about my BP as I can feel it being high.

This thread is why I love MN. I feel 'blessed' constantly as my DC were for a long time beyond my wildest dreams. I love them completely ( am sure we all do !) I never understood why parents seemed to moan so much... But now I marvel at the wild emotional highs and lows.. They are utter perfection while asleep. The promise of helps the rest of the time.

Hmm.....my son gives me so much criticism and interrogates me about everything that youd all be telling me to LTB if he were my husband.

Thank you all, and sorry for having posted and then run away

For all of you with tinies ... It doesn't get easier , the stresses change.

Yes, they do.
But, personally, I think it does get easier - at least physically: less sleep deprivation, less having to physically lug small bodies about (while they are kicking and screaming some of the time), being able to actually hold a reasoned conversation when conflict occurs (well, sometimes anyway).

In the words of Scarlet O'Hara, today's another day. We'll see how it goes.

Morning!

God yes I miss sleep. Last night the baby did well, so the normally super-sleeper older two had a 45 min party at 3.30

Onwards and upwards and all that.

Penguins, when I was on my knees with high-needs DS1(1) and preemie DS2 (there's 12 months between them) a friend who had 3 girls primary school age said to me "It doesn't get better, it just gets different". I could have sobbed - I so needed it to get better.
And it did.

Then we had 2 more…. I need to have my head examined, I think

It had got better so far, but admittedly eldest is only 6. I think the third may have broken me.

I don't know how you manage four!

Who says I'm 'managing' four?!

Another friend with 3 (now adult) boys had to point out to me that with every subsequent child the possibilities for conflict goes up exponentially - I had not figured that one out, I was only aware that there seemed to always be somebody bickering with somebody else.

AND I was told by somebody with 6 kids that every child beyond 3 does not make a difference to how difficult it is. NOT TRUE.

I'm off to walk the dog - yes, we have a dog now too which was my idea. Glutton for punishment comes to mind

Enjoy the fresh air and peace.

I don't get the whole cant say it's not wonderful thing or the expectation that it would be wonderful.

I always thought it would be hard, gruelling drudgery. I was told at 18 I probably couldn't have kids and had mine, relatively easily, in my late thirties.

The relentless drudgery wasn't a surprise. The love was. The lack of sleep killed me when they were wee, plus I found baby and toddler stage dull. I moaned about it all the time, and still do, a bit.

Now they are 8 & 11 they are a joy and I find the whole thing much more pleasant and fun. I'm sure someone will be along to say just wait until they are teenagers and it'll all go to shit, but tbh they can't be any worse than I was as a teen so feel I'm ready for that.

I heard that too, about more than 3 kids not being more difficult I mean. Not true, huh? Some pseudo study I saw said that 3 was the most stressful number of kids and they thought it was if you had more than 3 you let your standards drop, when with 3 you still struggle on. I let mine drop after 1!

Hope you have a better day today.

The only reason I don't whinge more about mine is because I have friends who have been unable to conceive and I feel so damned guilty.
"I hate you Mummy, you are boring, go to your room!" (Really, can I, all on my own!!)

Pacific, always enjoy your posts and Kinn hoch as they (might not actually) say.

I think the reason the human race has carried on as long as it has must be down to most people liking the idea of parenthood - once they're there you then have the reality! And yet people choose to have more than one - they cannot plead ignorance! Biological urges have a lot to answer for...

Like focus I am expecting number 1, and when I think about what is to come, I veer between excited anticipation of fun and cuddles, getting to know the personality and preferences of the new human being you have created, blind panic that I have to actually push this human being out of what seems like a very small gap, and dismay at being faced with years of poo, vomit, crying, sleeplessness etc etc ad nauseum.

Like focus says, what have we we done?!

I am constantly ill at the moment so GP ordered a bunch of tests, then realised I had three small children and pointed out it could just be that!

A few days later I had to take all 3 DC to see her when one was ill and the little two were rolling around the floor of her office.

Think she may have been right!

I feel like this a LOT. Just such bloody hard work & over-whelming. Sometimes I don't enjoy them as everything is such a slog: working, no family support, DP works long hours/away. Then I feel guilty for feeling that way.

I'm having a haircut today & escaping for a bit. I can't wait.