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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suggest people give DS money rather than a present?

130 replies

Pepperpotts66 · 12/06/2015 15:45

DS1 is 5 in a few weeks and is having a big party. He is crazy about Thunderbirds and wants the new Tracy Island that comes out in August. I've already bought him the vintage thunderbird models off ebay for him and can't really buy the island too, plus it doesn't come out until after his birthday. I've explained its very expensive and that it could be a Christmas present or he can save up his pocket money and any birthday money he gets. The thing is he now wants to ask his friends and family for money on the party invites rather than presents and I'm not sure if people would be offended by this?

I was wondering if on the invite I put a small note saying that if people are stuck for an idea as to what to get him he is collecting money for Tracy island but that we don't expect people to give money if they don't want to and that we don't exoect people to buy a present if they don't want to. I'm so worried about sounding like we are presuming people will buy him things.

The thing is every year we end up with a pile of presents that he isn't bothered with so I actually think he's come up with a very sensible idea. He's very obsessional and only plays with a few select things, we are actually looking into an ASD diagnosis at the moment. Don't get me wrong he always acts grateful and says thank you for gifts but the end up in the bottom of the toy box unless they're a plane or a train.

Thank you in advance!

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 12/06/2015 19:19

Awful ....certainly sounds like you expect a gift and if not a gift a 'couple of quid'

Only1scoop · 12/06/2015 19:22

'More ideas get in touch with me'

Blimey Confused

MrsHathaway · 12/06/2015 19:25

I don't think anyone on the thread thinks it's appropriate to ask in the invitation. Be aware that the parents may react as we have and find it very rude.

findingmyfeet12 · 12/06/2015 19:26

Op, I thought your idea was ok. However, the line about more ideas does sound weird.

TeacupTravels · 12/06/2015 19:29

I'd be very put off. Are you not used to childrens parties? I must admit I didnt know how it was done initially!

Most people here want to choose something (often 3 for 10 or pick up some bit when on offer) wrap it up with their child and the child has something physical to take with them! I think its quite different to family asking what they like.

Imnotbeingyourbestfriendanymor · 12/06/2015 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

namechangefortoday543 · 12/06/2015 19:51

The OP is not recognising what gift giving is actually about.
Its not just about the money Hmm but a small child choosing ( or not) a gift- learning that the other DC may be different to them in their likes etc but pleasing them with something they may like.
Lots and lots of social interactions, thoughts etc not conveyed in :£££

AndNowItsSeven · 12/06/2015 19:57

It's fine for family but not school friends x

JessiePinkman · 12/06/2015 20:29

I would be quite Shock to r'c a request for £ it would certainly get everyone talking Grin It would be brilliant though if people would stop that & everyone give say £5 somehow without it being awkward. Has anyone asked you what he's into yet? I've had that a lot & what you could do is prepare an answer like 'well he's saving up for Tracy island & would love a little bit of £ towards that' I wouldn't mind that at all & take it to mean £5.
Or put on the invite 'in the interests of space saving/some such reason no more than £5 please' you will get given lots of £5 Grin

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 12/06/2015 20:32

I'd love to do this, much happier giving money towards something he'd actually like.

YANBU OP

SisterMoonshine · 12/06/2015 20:43

Are you doing party bags? or cash on the way out?
In fact, you could just give the guests money in lieu of food. Maybe don't have any entertainment, bouncy castle or whatever, but give the guests a bit more money.
Everyone's quids in then.

oddfodd · 12/06/2015 20:49

I don't think you're listening OP.

If someone asks you what your DS would like, use the 'a quid in the card' line. Otherwise, say thank you very much.

You do not ask for presents. Ever.

Viviennemary · 12/06/2015 20:52

I think this would be quite cheeky and just simply not done. If people ask what he'd like well I suppose you could suggest it. But putting it on an invitation. No.

Trooperslane · 12/06/2015 20:53

Sorry. It's rude.

And I totally get the hatred of the pile of plastic shite.

DelightfulFunky · 12/06/2015 20:57

I wouldn't do it, however you word it, it will sound clumsy at best. Not sure how many you're inviting but how much do you think you'd get?

It wouldn't put me off coming to the party but it would have me muttering under my breath.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/06/2015 20:57

Agree with Floralnomad, as a family member or friend of the family I wouldn't mind a bit, would much rather any money from me goes to something a family child would like to have.

It's not rude. It is rude for weddings/christenings/baby showers - not for a child's birthday when it's your own family or a close fiend.

Klayden · 12/06/2015 21:00

It's not something that I would do but I don't find it as distasteful as some seem to do on here. Perhaps that's because I'm lazy and would rather bung a fiver in a card than shlep around the shops.

youareallbonkers · 12/06/2015 21:58

Asd diagnosis dear god. He's a typical 5 year old, why can't you let him be a child?

naughtylist · 12/06/2015 22:05

Seriously, I would not do it. Most kids love taking a little present to give a friend. Sure the child will likely choose something like yo yo's, slime, marbles etc but that's all part of the fun. How much is this Tracy Island toy out of interest?

JessiePinkman · 12/06/2015 22:14

Also I'm so busy it's very hard to go out and buy a present so I personally would always prefer to give cash but then feel awkward doing that because I worry that it looks like I haven't bothered.

On the subject of wanting to give cash but it looking like you haven't bothered, ds once got a lovely gift from someone that was a little money tin with chocolate and real money inside. He was chuffed to bits to pick out the real money, count it & eat the rest & left with a tin as well.

TheNoodlesIncident · 12/06/2015 22:17

Asd diagnosis dear god. He's a typical 5 year old, why can't you let him be a child?

Please explain what this is supposed to mean?

GatoradeMeBitch · 12/06/2015 22:29

I thought your original OP was perfectly fine. I would much rather give a child money towards something they want than a bit of plastic tat.

(You should have posted in Chat, you'd have had far more measured responses.)

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 12/06/2015 23:13

I second Gatorade.

ShelaghTurner · 12/06/2015 23:27

Me too. Wouldn't bother me in the slightest and I'm not well off. And as for 5 year olds having fun choosing the presents. You're kidding me. The 5 year olds have zero input, it just sounds nice and cosy.

KoalaDownUnder · 13/06/2015 02:18

I can't believe you're still going to out that in the card. Shock

It sounds v rude.