To completely change how I feel about DH of 12 years in an instant?

[Acunningruse]

DH and I have been together for 12 years married for 8, have a 2.5 year old DS and are TTC no.2. Until last weekend I would have said we were completely happy, possibly more loved up than your average couple with a toddler, lucky that we have babysitters so can go out.

Last weekend we attending a wedding far away from home. DH had been drinking on the day of the wedding but not a massive amount, maybe 7 pints from 12 til 12. He then slept from 1 til 8.30 (ds was at gparents)I hadn't been drinking so the next morning I drove us to gparents to pick Ds up and have lunch there. When we left I automatically sat in passenger seat out of habit but then made to move but DH said no im fine to drive dont worry.

We drove for about an hour, I was reading a magazine and turning round to talk to Ds in the back when I felt the car swerve towards the crash barrier, we were in outside lane. I shouted abd then DH swung wheel the other way so we were then in inside lane. Thank god nothing was in that lane. I was screaming what are you doing whats happening and DH said he had started to fall asleep at the wheel. he pulled over at nexrt junction and I was crying and I was crying and screaming I just keep thinking we could have been killed, Ds was in the back, if a car had been in the inside lane theres novway he would have survived we were doing 70mph.

DH has been so apologetic since he is genuinely remorseful he cries every time he looks at Ds I know hes thinking what could have happened. But I just can't get over it. I just don't understand how it could have happened, I am so.upset and angry and feel like my feelings towards him have completely changed.

I have no idea what to do or if IABU

[BrendaBlackhead]

I can't believe you can be with someone for 12 years and never had a moment when they make you grind your teeth. Every single couple I know who were all lovey-dovey have ended up divorced. I was on a girls' night out and everyone was slagging off their dhs (in a jocular way) and one woman piously said that she and her dh had never, ever had a cross word. Imo that's either cos one party is subordinating themselves or is thoroughly disengaged. Anyway, non-arguing woman's dh went off with his personal trainer shortly afterwards...

When the OP started off her post I was thinking that the dh had snogged (or worse) someone else at the wedding, or had committed a serious crime, or perhaps had revealed himself to be bisexual. But how can making a mistake which luckily did not have bad consequences, and furthermore being terribly sorry about it, cause such a seismic change in one's opinion about someone?

[TTWK]

What's that (very old) gag........my grandfather, who was a bus driver, died peacefully in his sleep last week. Unlike many of his passengers who died screaming for him to wake up!

Anyone who drives on a regular basis will make mistakes, or be in the vicinity of someone else who is making a mistake, and have a few near misses.

But to leap from that to "we nearly died" is hysterical nonsense. There are literally thousands of RTAs every day in the UK, and about 7 people a day die on our roads. And most of them will be pedestrians and cyclists/motorcyclists, not the car driver or passengers.

Believe it or not, it's actually very difficult to die in a car accident, with all the safety features in modern cars. Not impossible, but unlikely.

[muminhants1]

I'm pretty sure that there are different degrees of PTSD - and I know someone who has it after a car accident (an actual accident yes, but not years in a trench) so it is entirely possible that the OP could have something similar. Maybe I should have written "like" PTSD but for goodness sake that is not what the thread is about.

My point was really that the OP's reaction does not seem very typical and if her feelings continue, she might want to seek help. That is all.

Now it would be good if some people would consider what they are writing and the effect that it has, before they press the "post message" button. Yes it is AIBU but I didn't post the original message and therefore do not accept that I should be attacked for trying to post something vaguely helpful and unjudgmental. Thank you to the people who supported me and those of you who jumped to condemn need to look at yourselves.

[DisappointedOne]

I have PTSD after a traumatic birth experience. It manifests in different ways, and requires different treatments. Mine triggers at times of stress.

[ExitStageLeft]

What a weird thread

[WinterOfOurDiscountTents15]

Of course there are different degrees of PTSD, and a serious car crash could cause it. But suggesting it can be caused by a fleeting feeling that you are going to have an accident is insulting and silly.
People almost have accidents every bloody day. Does every bad feeling have to be turned into a syndrome from the DSM? Label me please, validate my feelings!
OP is being very unreasonable. They might have but didn't have an accident. Thats all. She needs to get over herself, not be diagnosed with fuck knows what by keyboard psychiatrists.

[Midorichan]

You obviously feel he is a terrible man/husband/father. Just divorce him then if you now hate him so much for his horrific negligence.

[GrumpyOldBiddy2]

Winter, I was just about to write exactly what you have written but not as eloquently.

[HootyMcTooty]

How has this gone off on such a tangent? I don't think the OP will be back.

[IceBeing]

winter you don't get to decide what triggers someone else's (or your own) brain into malfunctioning. The stress / adrenaline surge of a near accident for one person at high speed could easily be larger than that caused by an actual accident in other circumstances to another person.

No one is saying the OP has PTSD. But equally no one can say the OP doesn't have PTSD - just because the same incident wouldn't have triggered it in them....