To think this is a weird thing to do. And there is nothing I can do about it

[meganorks]

This might be more of a WWYD. Although I don't think there is anything I can.
Today I got a letter through the post containing a poem about my child. Basically saying I am a rubbish mother and she has caused pain and grief to others and that I don't care about her behavior. That's the summary. I have attached a photo so you can read for yourself. I don't know who has written it or what if anything I can do about it. I'm pretty sure the the implied accusations are not true. I should add that my daughter is nearly 4 not a teenager or something! So she is pretty much with me apart from when she is at nursery. I haven't been informed about any incident that might result in such an anonymous letter. So I wonder if it is just aimed at me? Although I didn't realise I had such enemies either.
So just wondered what other people would do if they got something like this? I thought I might report it to the police just in case it is something random that other people have been getting. Seems like a long shot, but it was addressed to me in my maiden name (got married less than a year ago) so wondered if it was maybe someone at a children's centre or something sending out horrible letters to people.

A child got out of DD's preschool recently, and although the parent took the child out of preschool after that (voices were raised, the relationship probably broke down), by the following week the preschool had acted to change the pickup/dropoff arrangements. There was a letter to parents, alerting them to the incident even if they hadn't seen it (I hadn't). I was impressed that they were prepared to risk looking bad over that escape, to reassure us that it wouldn't happen again.

A group which is in loco parentis has to accept more than just a grown-up level of responsibility, but it sounds as though your playgroup didn't even get up to the standard of "inexperienced teenaged babysitter"!

That's the thing. She is talking about far reaching consequences of actions (of a bloody toddler!!). But actually if she had shown any sign of remorse, accepted responsibility or reassured it wouldn't have happened again I probably wouldn't have reported them. I wouldn't have let my daughter go back because she was a bit of an escaper and I would have just thought she isn't ready for it. But it was her response that got me. I actually walked home questioning myself - am I in the wrong here? Until I pulled myself together and thought there is no circumstance where a toddler in the care of childcare of professionals is allowed to get out into the street, no matter what she has done. So it was in response to her words and lack of action I reported them.

Blimey. Yes - the release of your data and misuse of it may possibly be illegal.

Do report it to the police. Not sure what may happen. I wonder if they go and have a chat with her to warn her off gently,m if in another year or so you will get another little poem from her

She sounds de-ranged and that poem she sent is actually quite nasty and very bitter.

Have you had it confirmed it was her?

I'm thinking the same. By all means it needs reporting and if/when the police ask then of course mention it. But it might not be her and it's wise not to speculate.

I have read the whole thread op, it seems like you suspect it was a woman from the playgroup, but you have nothing to prove it. Is that right?

Possible breach of data protection to release, misuse or not have your address safely stored. Report to data protection commissioner

I have nothing to prove it. But the content of the poem completely fits. She clearly at the time blamed my child for escaping and didn't accept any responsibility for what happened. The only evidence other than the content fitting completely is that my maiden name has been used and I have since got married. Anyone at my DD's current nursery would only know me under my married name.
I really want to talk to her. Point out that when it comes to behaviour, a grown woman sending an anonymous poison pen letter is actually a lot worse than a toddler being a toddler!

Absolutely report this to the police. This woman has fixated on your daughter being 'responsible' for her group being closed down. The fact that she has brooded on it for all this time, and acted illegally in obtaining your details is very worrying. There have been plenty of cases where people have become dangerous in circumstances like this (I know, that sounds so melodramatic, but clearly she is not thinking rationally at all here).

I would be absolutely fuming with this. And very freaked out. What she has done is illegal, report it now!

Have you called the police?

Really, do not contact her. If it is her, she sounds unhinged. (And if it isn't, you will look unhinged.) Speak to the Police.

What a creepy shit poem! Playgroup story definitely fits too. Get on to the police and let the loon know (via police involvement) that you won't put up with her sinister behaviour.

Oh, don't confront her! If she's innocent, it will blow up (and she will be all pissed off again, even though she was unreasonablethe first time round), while if she IS the one who did it, it will REALLY kick off, and then the police might feel you didn't give them a chance to de-escalate this.

I'd report it to the police and tell them your suspicions.

As it is, I wouldn't contact her. Firstly, she'll just deny it. Secondly, the tone of the poem is just weird. Not that I think she's a maniac or something, but I really don't think you'd accomplish anything.

If the police suggest they have a word, I'd let them but I'd not make any personal contact with her myself.

This makes my stomach turn. It is very odd and creepy. I would report it to the nursery and also the police.

Just read the string - glad you have worked out who it is. Still report it to the police, I dont want to scare you but who knows what this person might do.

The woman sounds unhinged! There must have been more to the playgroup for Ofsted to deem it ineffective so she must be particularly crackers to focus on the incident with your daughter over a year ago being the sole cause of it's downfall. Very unsettling for you. The police definitely need a word with her.

Its a weird thing to write to someone about a 4 year old. They obviously dont have much experience of children.

Its also a really shit poem. I would be certainly speaking to the nursery about it

I would speak to the nursery and the police.
This woman has your home address. If she is crazy enough to send a letter then who knows where she will stop.

It's so rare that a mumsnet mystery actually gets solved! I would definitely just take it to the police and not make any attempt to contact the woman herself. Also re-report to Ofsted as a follow-up.

I really want to go to her house to talk to her, but I think I have been talked out of it. I was just planning to say 'I came to talk to you about the letter you sent' and see her reaction. I am sure she would deny it, but I am sure I would know from her reaction for sure whether it was her. I want her to know I know it is her I guess.
There is no point talking to my nursery as its definitely not someone from there. And the playgroup where the incident happened has shut down. I will speak to the police I think. Hopefully they will go round to her house and say something, but I doubt it.

Please don't go to her house and talk to her. Partly if she does have a bit of a fixation on you and tends to feel persecuted it could cause big problems for you. As it stands you have no proof she wrote it and if she called the police on you it might well lead to you being portrayed as harassing an old lady.

Also, other people have mentioned that there may be some sort of mental issue here, possibly early Alzheimer's or dementia. Even if it's something else it will make it likely you will get little sense, and it might make them worse. Definitely police should be involved. Don't take it on yourself.

no no no, please don't speak to her, she definitely IS a maniac for doing this (a two year old?!) - who knows what she'll do if provoked?

No I'm not going to. I don't think she would do anything but as this already pretty mental, best not to test that theory. Its just pretty horrible to have such accusations thrown at you without being able to say anything in your defense. I hope the police will pay her a visit.

It just occurred to me to wonder if you're the only one to get this 'poem'. Are you in touch with any other parents of children who were at the same nursery around the same time? I know your little one was only there a day, but did you have any friends who had their children there or who left abruptly because they were dissatisfied? Might be worth a phone call to them.