Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a weird thing to do. And there is nothing I can do about it

196 replies

meganorks · 11/06/2015 19:03

This might be more of a WWYD. Although I don't think there is anything I can.
Today I got a letter through the post containing a poem about my child. Basically saying I am a rubbish mother and she has caused pain and grief to others and that I don't care about her behavior. That's the summary. I have attached a photo so you can read for yourself. I don't know who has written it or what if anything I can do about it. I'm pretty sure the the implied accusations are not true. I should add that my daughter is nearly 4 not a teenager or something! So she is pretty much with me apart from when she is at nursery. I haven't been informed about any incident that might result in such an anonymous letter. So I wonder if it is just aimed at me? Although I didn't realise I had such enemies either.
So just wondered what other people would do if they got something like this? I thought I might report it to the police just in case it is something random that other people have been getting. Seems like a long shot, but it was addressed to me in my maiden name (got married less than a year ago) so wondered if it was maybe someone at a children's centre or something sending out horrible letters to people.

To think this is a weird thing to do. And there is nothing I can do about it
OP posts:
cookiec · 11/06/2015 22:02

YANBU... ...this is about the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

Maybe it's someone who doesn't like kids much, and has just got a general bee in their bonnet about them?

ImperialBlether · 11/06/2015 22:10

It sounds to me as though the nursery has closed down as a result of complaints.

OVienna · 11/06/2015 22:18

Def the police. Who knew you made the complaint? I thought they couldn't identify the overdone (might well be wrong.)

Samwaygangeee · 11/06/2015 22:21

Ugh thats hideous OP. Is your original thread still about?

SwingingBalls · 11/06/2015 22:40

Whilst this is very strange, what do you expect the police to do? A one off letter isn't harrassment and there isn't any direct threat.

Atenco · 11/06/2015 22:44

It could be a nursery worker or possibly another mother from the nursery. OP that is horrible. Definitely a matter for the police.

FannyFifer · 11/06/2015 22:51

That poem is creepy as feck.

Fatmomma99 · 11/06/2015 23:02

It's absolutely horrible, Mega. Don't blame you for being creeped out. And agree with every other poster who has said report it to police and tell nursery.

This is a REALLY easy thing for me to say, sitting in my cosy living room but I do urge you not to give this too much weight (do report it though!). If they're too cowardly to identify themselves, they're not worthy of your consideration.

Report it, but try not to let it bug you.

Easier said than done, I suspect.

Flowers
Shakey1500 · 11/06/2015 23:03

swingingballs Because it's not usual behaviour to send missives like that, cryptic, veiled, and threatening really by the fact it's anonymous, stalkery, deeply personal.

There might be something they can do via fingerprints. There might be nothing they can do. But at least they've been made aware and it's logged.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 11/06/2015 23:18

Ugh so horrible. I wouldn't try and 'read meaning into it' as most of it is just there to scan and rhyme.

I do wonder if it's the playgroup woman, it does fit except for timing but could have been set off by another event.

I would also report to the police.

Original poster
meganorks · 11/06/2015 23:47

Thanks for all your help and advice. I don't think I would have figured it out if it wasn't for you guys. I have had a look and it seems Ofsted did take my complaint seriously, they assessed the place and considered it ineffective. To be honest, after my conversation with them they didn't sound like they were going to do anything about it, and as it was the first session and I hadn't paid any money yet, I just kind of thought 'well I have reported them so it is down to them now' and forgot all about it (not entirely, but didn't think whether they had done anything or not)
Now I am certain who it is I am just angry to be honest and would quite like to the right to reply.
I left my 2 1/2 year old for the first time on their advice and when I came to collect her she was in the street with no member of staff in sight. I caught her. I was there 5 mins before the end. If I had arrived at actual pick up time who knows what would have happened. I told my daughter off and strapped her into the pushchair and went inside. I didn't kick off at the manager or go mad or anything like that. I waited for everyone to leave before I spoke to her and then I said 'so what happened there then? How was my daughter out in the street'. More than the incident itself it was her response that made me feel I had no option but to report her to ofsted. She told me that one of the mums must have left the door open and that they were always telling them not to do that. No mention of the fact that my daughter should not have been able to get into the room that the door was open in in the first place. I said 'so what if I hadn't been there to catch her?' and she just said 'Oh, I sent one of the other mums out to get her. They are quicker than me anyway'. Then she said 'she doesn't follow instruction well does she? Your daughter.' I was a bit gobsmacked to be honest and don't really think I said much. Then later on she said 'she will learn, they all do'.
At no point did she apologise, admit any responsibility, or reassure me that nothing like this would happen again or say and measures they might put in place to stop anything like this happening again she just blamed my child. I would like to reiterate she was 2 1/2 and this was the first time she had been left at this or any playgroup.
I later found out from a friend (who's child went there and wanted to know about what they were doing about it) that my daughter had been jumping on tables and being disruptive. I was not told this. But if anything it makes it more unreasonable that they had not been keeping a careful eye on her at the end of the session if they knew she wasn't listening to instructions. Had they told me 'I'm sorry but your child is too disruptive and isn't ready for playgroup' I would have listened and not gone back. Letting her run into the street was not acceptable!
Anyway, bloody fuming! Will be going to the police now. They probably won't do anything, but at least I will have reported it!!

OP posts:
MrsHenryMountbattenWindsor · 11/06/2015 23:58

You might be surprised OP. I received some very nasty emails from a weirdo a few years ago because he wasn't happy with something I'd sold him. They weren't violent or threatening, but they were very upsetting and he just wouldn't go away. I called the police and they had words with him. Told him to stop contacting me or he'd be arrested for harassment.

The thing is with these weirdos, you don't know what else they might be up to. So it's best to let the police know, just to be safe.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 12/06/2015 00:04

How was she allowed to jump on tables, sorry but even without the running in to the street bit which is totally unacceptable, this aplaygroup that can't manage the behaviour of a 2year old, erm yes I can see why ofsted would have been concerned. The fact you weren't told of her behaviour is also unacceptable.

Sending another mum er what esoecially as it was your daughters first time, the other mum didn't know your daughter and wasn't responsiable for her.

Anyway it does sound like the play group woman now, but really she blames a toddler, a toddler she failed to care for and after a year. Seriously not a stable woman I think.

Atenco · 12/06/2015 02:58

Yeap, that play group woman sounds seriously weird, I would believe it of her.

CaoNiMa · 12/06/2015 03:06

What an awful poem, both for its content and its style.

Petridish · 12/06/2015 04:21

Really nasty - def report it.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 12/06/2015 04:49

Bloody weird! Confused

If it's in your maiden name, perhaps it IS a mistake and should have been to someone who has an older dd with the same surname as your maiden name? Maybe they looked the name up on the electoral roll or something? (Was your maiden name listed on the electoral roll at that address, or in the phone book?)

I'd register it with the police just in case it escalates.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 12/06/2015 04:54

Well THAT will teach me not to spot there was more than one page of this thread, won't it.

Glad you seem to have worked it out and yes, Police.

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 12/06/2015 06:26

It seems like it's for the best, if they got shut down. Someone who thinks that nearly being run over is some kind of fair outcome for normal toddler behaviour (which I infer from "they all learn") really shouldn't be managing an early childhood care setting!

loveareadingthanks · 12/06/2015 07:00

Was it a church playgroup? that would explain 'brothers and sisters' as being the other children at the group/church.

Take the envelope to police as well. If it's been licked to seal, it has the sender's DNA.

TheChandler · 12/06/2015 07:18

I did initially wonder if it was aimed at you personally, not your child. But it does seem likely it is something to do with the playgroup. The phrase "they all learn" sounds similar to the wording in the "poem", which continually refers to everyone in the plural too.

Very, very disturbing and should definitely be reported to the police.

Stealthpolarbear · 12/06/2015 08:31

I hope you get this sorted out op

DuchessofNorks · 12/06/2015 08:47

Glad you have figured out who it was.

What a vile woman. At least - I assume - she no longer runs the playgroup. I hope this means she won't be allowed to run another?

Go straight to the police. She appears to hold a grudge and it could continue to boil over if it's not nipped in the bud.

As a PP said, the police will have words. Thanks OP.

Raveismyera · 12/06/2015 09:56

How creepy and so glad you may have found the culprit. However I have reported "poison pen" letters 3 times to the police (once with full name and address of sender!) and they wouldn't do anything. But the shock and fright goes away in time. People who send letters are rarely a threat.

Original poster
meganorks · 12/06/2015 10:11

Thanks. I don't think she is any kind of threat. But now I know who it is I am just bloody livid. She still thinks that a not yet 2 1/2 year old is to blame for being in the street when in her care! And has harbored a grudge for all this time. I can only assume she waited this long so I wouldn't know who it was. She must have assumed that by now my devil child would have caused so much disruption it would be impossible for me to pinpoint the exact incident!
Also, she must have stolen my details from the nursery. I had only just filled out the forms as it was her first visit, so maybe she took it straight away. Or maybe it was after their inspection. Who knows. But I'm sure that is illegal.

OP posts: