to be weirded out by women in the supermarket

[weirdinsupermarket]

... who come up to me and say "My goodness, haven't you got a lot of food! Do you have a big family?"

There are only two of us, and only likely to be so due to infertility. I have to hold it together for a bit, and then I come home and cry.

My trolley is full because I grow lots of my own food and I only shop once a month, so I have lots of cans, UHT milk and juice, and packets of dried things like pasta.

This happens to me every single week. I'm afraid to say that it is invariably said by a woman over the age of 60. I know it isn't meant badly, but I can't explain why my trolley is full without going into details that frankly make me want to howl with the pain of it all.

I realise I am very, very lucky to be able to fill a shopping trolley once a month. I know I am being unreasonable and over-emotional and silly, that other people can't be expected to know my personal circumstances. I'm starting to dread shopping, though.

i think you need to calm down

You are definitely NBU. I hate people making comments like that, even without any emotional pain behind it. I wouldn't dream of going up to someone and commenting on what they're buying - it's none of my business, just like what I'm buying is none of their business. I think it's rude. I might think it or say it to someone I'm with but I wouldn't say it to the person.

Maybe I'm just overly grumpy and sensitive because I hate shopping at the best of times and I've had an eating disorder. Anyone commenting on what food I'm buying really winds me up and because of what I've been through, that is exactly why I would never make comments to anyone else. I've had people say "somebody likes chocolate", "that's a VERY big tub of ice cream" etc. etc. They're basically implying that you're greedy. I doubt if you went and just bought a potato and a carton of milk you'd get people commenting that you must live on your own or you don't eat much or whatever. Or maybe they would but it nearly always seems to be the other way round.

I'm sorry these comments have been upsetting you.

Because very, very few people ever seem to RTFT. I also assume that they read it on their phones where, I believe, you can't highlight your and the OP's posts in a different colour.

You bloody can. People are either lazy or so delighted about a possible chink in an OP's armour that they lay in without thinking twice.

As for the defences of 'innocent nosy comments'... Words fail me. It's such a narcissistic, self-centred comment. 'My desire to find out about a stranger's life without engaging my brain for a nanosecond outweighs any impact on the subject of my inane curiosity.'

I am a magnet for people who say stuff like that. I don't know why.

However, I do have a standard line to use in response:

"That's a strange thing to say to a complete stranger."

Said while smiling in a slightly bemused manner. Then look at them benignly without speaking. You will rapidly discover if they are lovely, lonely or nuts.

Remember, if a stranger says something personal about you, then the situation is about them not you, unless you've got your skirt tucked into your knickers.

I have had random strangers approach me and make comments that they think are innocuous but were upsetting to me at the time. Often after a loss or bereavement.

I have thought of a great response if this scenario happens again.

"If you knew what was coming, then you'd be stocking up too."

This also gives you an excuse to cut the conversation short, because the apocalypse doesn't wait for random conversations in supermarkets.

That's an excellent response, firstofhername