AIBU to get annoyed. Mum's of baby's that sleep well

[Sleepysleepysleepy]

I have a non sleeping 8 month old who has maybe one 45 minute nap in the day and is up every 1-2 hours at night.

I've come to terms with the fact that this is my baby and it won't be forever and try really hard just to get on with things and not grumble.

But....

AIBU to get annoyed by mum's who have baby's that sleep 10-12 hours at night and nap well who then moan about how hard it is to find the time to do things?

I know there may be other factors like pnd or other difficulties in their life, but just on face value i can't help but get a little bit annoyed! If I had 15 hours a day to myself including a solid nights sleep I'd be a gazillion times more efficient!

Ok. Moan over.

Issy I didnt follow a method as such. I think thats where lots of parents fall down, as its rarely one size fits all. My children all varied but I had one particularly bad sleeper.

Gradually I started to introduce a better sleep routine - not feeding to sleep, not rocking to sleep, own cot etc etc

This did involve 'crying it out'. It was painful and at the time did feel cruel however, I am firmly of the belief that if your baby is not sleeping and everyone is topsy turvey, including the baby, then you may just need to be cruel to be kind.

A baby that cries solidly for 8 hours is pretty incredible, although DD2 could well have given that a go. We did have 1 night where she cried on and off for more or less the whole night but she just did it that once.

Its different strokes...... but it can be done.

It can be done, but I am firmly of the belief that a baby cries because it needs something, so to not respond felt hugely unnatural. They come to it in their own time...we taught DS to go to sleep on his own without being fed shortly after his second birthday and as he was a bit older he understood more, and we knew that he was well aware that he was safe etc. We still never left him, just cuddled him until he slept.

OK I got as far as Pretty's post and had to comment.

It is terrible terrible advice to tell people to reduce night breastfeeds for a under 6m old, that could seriously interfere with supply and affect breastfeeding.

Really you shouldn't even think about reducing night feeds until baby is over 1yo.

I have a terrible sleeper but I'm not willing to compromise my ability to breastfeed, or my bond with her, by reducing night feeds or ignoring night time 'whimpers'. She is a BABY FFS if she needs me, I must go to her. It's as simple as that for me.

OP I feel your jealousy. I'm knackered too!

I have two awful sleepers. I haven't slept more than two hours in a row in nearly 3 years. Sleep training did not work for us at all, the crying/screaming just got louder and would have gone on all night and it's not something I was comfortable with in all honesty. We have tried everything. Youngest is too young yet, so live in hope of them starting to sleep longer stretches.

I know many whose babies sleep through from 7 until 6/7 the next day from just a few weeks old. Most know they're lucky and haven't done any training, but I'd be lying if I wasn't jealous. I live in hope of a full nigh of sleep...one day zzzzzz.

OP, bear in mind that new research suggests that it's not true that formula fed babies sleep more.

My understanding of the paper that has been published is that ff babies wake less often but take more time to get back to sleep. Bf babies wake more but drift off quickly with boob in mouth.

The study examined the sleep of the two mum groups and actually the bf mums got better sleep because they didn't need to properly wake to latch baby on, feed, put down then sleep. Whereas the ff mums were properly waking from the crying and trying to settle baby.

Can't link as read the article on a fb bf group but it's come out of a Welsh uni - maybe Swansea?

So don't think giving up bf is the answer!

Pomeral agree completely!

DS was fed expressed milk when he was smaller. He slept longer but I found this harder as I had to fully wake up, get out of bed, warm the bottle and feed.

When he eventually started breastfeeding, his sleep got worse - but I think this was actually to do with other issues like teething and his mobility - and we started co-sleeping in desperation.

Ironically I find this easier most nights and I feel more rested that if he woke just twice when he was smaller. Being able to feed, not move, not switch on lights means although awake, my body doesn't fully wake and I can usually get back to sleep within minutes and generally DS goes back to sleep fairly quickly. I am much more rested even if I actually sleep less which sounds counter intuitive.

Co-sleeping has been our saviour. DS just bounces around and screams if not held anyway, so a cuddle makes sense

I have laughed at most advice I've seen about sleep training as if its wondrous advice we'd not tried though I admit I won't even consider crying methods as I know I would never cope with them.

I do find it dreadful that there are people suggesting that giving up breastfeeding will provide a magic solution to sleep problems. I think that's misleading and is suggested a bit too readily. I think giving up breastfeeding has to be a properly informed decision made by a mother about what's best on balance. Making a decision about it in the middle of the night or after a particularly bad night because someone on the internet spouts some anecdotes is not the right time or the right reasoning.

I have good nights and bad ones. Some times I hate co-sleeping. But on the whole it works for us and I find its currently the best solution.

I am waiting it out until DS's feeding solids improves and he naturally starts to cut down on milk and is generally less reliant on it. DS feeds more during the night when he's been teething or been unwell and hasn't feed well during the day. So the logic of withholding that from him under those circumstances, is frankly beyond me. The trouble is it has been one thing after another more or less.

I think I cope with it most days because I try and take each night as it comes. If I don't I have had the odd cry about it. For the most part I figure he'll grow out of eventually.

DS slept through from 8 weeks until 4 months and did self settle. So if its parenting, then I must have suddenly changed something - which I didn't. His routine was exactly the same it was him who just changed in what he wanted and needed.

I would like to point out that I didn't say don't breastfeed at the 4 month stage, just try and avoid it. Ie don't immediately go to feed try other calming methods first.

I fed all of mine for over a year and not putting them to feed straight away definately didn't interfering with their bfing. Except with ds1 who got into the habit of feeding every 45 mins for 3 months and was frigging awful. So with the others I made a huge effort not to get into that routine.

It's also bollocks that bottle feed sleep better, with the 100 plus women I've worked with bf or bf plays little part in how well they sleep.

In this hot weather id feel uncomfortable trying to dissuade baby drinking. If I woke up thirsty in the night I could probably get back to sleep without a drink but it wouldn't be very nice to have to.

Absolutely great post from redtooth.

My experience with ds1 was that leaving it till 12m to sleep train (whilst still bf!) worked really really well and he went from terrible sleeper to great wee sleeper.

With ds2 his sleep has been so bad tempted to tr earlier. But as Pomeral points out it's a different kettle of fish with younger babies. I too have good and bad nights but as Pomeral says it helps if you take each one as it comes.
I can also say anecdotally I agree re bf and ff. my best mum friend ff all the way and her baby slept just as badly as my bf ds1!!

I think YANBU. I have four children. One was a horrific sleeper (slept twenty minutes, fed for forty, round the clock for months). The other three were decent sleepers - certainly didn't sleep 12 hours and only one had a decent nap by day but it was a completely different experience from the awful one. I still didn't have time to myself though!

i think your tired i had one good sleeper i told no one i had to listen to mums going on and on about how bad there children were and what a bad time they were having dealing with it and how there partners dealt with it etc etc not one ever asked me how i coped (and i was a single parent)

ive had two bad sleepers since i still dont mention anything because its a bloody competition with some parents my one son is an early riser my other just doesn't sleep if you look at my facebook you will see occasionally pictures of the youngest with HE FINALLY GAVE UP! or something on it but other than that no i dont complain because shockingly i think sleep issues are part and parcel of having children and if you tell some moms you have only had a couple of hours sleep they will have had none and if you have had eight hours sleep they will have had eighteen i just cant deal with competitive parenting

I have to laugh at these posters who did the 'hard work' it took to marvellously parent their babies into good sleepers. Whoever it was upthread who asked ironically if she just got lucky three times - yes, my dear, you got very lucky three times. Just as siblings have similar physical features like eye or hair colour, they may share developmental features as well like the ability to sleep or, at least, be influenced from an early age by sleep training techniques. Try working full time during the day on one and two hour blocks of sleep throughout the night. That is hard work. Do you think I'd put up with that if something as easy as wonderful parenting would fix it?!

I have been 'unlucky' twice. Two terrible, terrible sleepers and, like Belle upthread, I have rarely had a block of sleep longer than two hours in three years. They have both been in textbook routines from day one, but they just need/have needed a lot more support to sleep for a lot longer than many babies do. Sleep training methods have not worked on either under a year old. God help me, in desperation I even shut the door on DS1 and left him to scream when he was 7 months old because I was about to start a new full time job and thought I was going to die. He screamed for two hours and slept for forty minutes on a loop ALL NIGHT, EVERY NIGHT FOR A WEEK. No one can sustain that and it was turning into child abuse. The upshot was that it ultimately put him completely off his room and cot and we had to co-sleep. We worked with a sleep consultant who was amazing and he finally started sleeping stretches longer than two hours, in his own bed, when he was almost two but, at three, still needs reassurance once or twice a night. We've worked with the same sleep consultant with DS2 for four months and got absolutely nowhere. She herself says some babies are just hard wired not to sleep and that parenting has nothing whatsoever to do with it.

I wonder at marvellous parenting or children who grow out of sleep issues at the right time too.

I thought I was marvellous at dealing with children's sleep until I had my dc2! I got lucky three times. Very unlucky once!

Also completely agree with Pomeral - reducing breastfeeds at night in a baby under six months old is terrible, terrible advice.

Why on earth can't you reduce nightfeeds for babies of approx 9-12m if they are weaned though?. My DD was eating loads by about 8m and dropped loads of bfs.

You assume they ARE weaned. DS is NOT. Not even close. Despite busting a gut trying.

This is the entire point.

BABIES DO DIFFERENT THINGS AT DIFFERENT POINTS.

Bee saying 'dd eats loads so has dropped most of her night feeds' is very different from saying 'if I drop night feeds maybe dd will eat more'. Messing with night feeds for a baby that hasn't taken well to weaning can cause weight problems. Especially if they struggle to compensate in the day for missed night feeds because food makes them feel full when they haven't actually eaten much.
All babies react differently to food and for some it's a real struggle getting the calories into them.

Night breastmilk is wonderful stuff, and contains hormones that aids mother and child sleep. If you are going to cut any feeds pre 1 year old don't skip the night ones! I am very wary of cutting ANY feeds pre 2 though, they're still babies.

You are being reasonable IF you have tried your damnedest at sleep training and all other avenues to try to help yourself.
You are being unreasonable if you have not tried any training at all and are making no effort to help yourself and then moaning at other people who probably have put effort in to make their lives easier.
I don't believe it's all in the lap of the gods, if you don't like an aspect of your life, at least make an effort to change it and not just sit about being annoyed that other people have it better.

Did all the mum's of well-sleeping babies do sleep training then? Even those that sleep through from a few weeks old?

We just followed bedtime routine from first couple of weeks. Never have done 'sleep training' or 'controlled crying' that I've read about on here.

Dd was ff from birth though and we have never co slept.

I will admit to having a sleeper and night times we didn't have to work too hard to get a routine in place. It did take me a few weeks of regularity to get the nap routine in place which makes them a much easier baby and has also improved the length of sleep at night.

I reduced all my out and about social activity to help in the process.

But sleep training isn't putting more work in than not. Getting up and responding to your baby while they need you could be argued to be more work...hence people wanting to train their babies out of needing them over night.

Out of interest, do those who sleep train do similar during the day if babies cry etc?

god

MUMS
BABIES