AIBU to get annoyed. Mum's of baby's that sleep well

[Sleepysleepysleepy]

I have a non sleeping 8 month old who has maybe one 45 minute nap in the day and is up every 1-2 hours at night.

I've come to terms with the fact that this is my baby and it won't be forever and try really hard just to get on with things and not grumble.

But....

AIBU to get annoyed by mum's who have baby's that sleep 10-12 hours at night and nap well who then moan about how hard it is to find the time to do things?

I know there may be other factors like pnd or other difficulties in their life, but just on face value i can't help but get a little bit annoyed! If I had 15 hours a day to myself including a solid nights sleep I'd be a gazillion times more efficient!

Ok. Moan over.

Just in case you haven't found the sleep section on Mumsnet, hear it is... Have a good moan with others in a similar situation!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep

Yanbu lovely.

Dd is 10 and slept 11 hours a night from being 3 months old.

Ds is 18 months. We have had maybe 5 nights when he has gone 7-12 1-6 and that was amazing. Then 2 nights this week when he has gone 7-5. I felt like a new woman lol. Now we have a canine coming through and I was up 4 times with him last night and feel exhausted again.

But even worse than those that have sleeping babies are the ones who moan about the odd sleepless night by saying 'I think it is worse for me as I am not used to it'.

Gives me an irrational urge to bash them over the head with a highchair.

It will get better though I promise. Very gradually and slowly but it will get better.

The thing to remember when you are feeling like this is, they all get you sometime. The good sleeper turns into a monster at 2, or becomes a fussy eater. If you get away with it for years beware they may become the teenager from hell. That is how I have always rationalised it, every mother gets x amount of shit you are just getting yours early. I am sure you baby will go through phases where others will envy you, all good things come to those who wait.

The other words of wisdom I was given to remember were, "This too shall pass, and then they will find something else to drive you mad." Its great being a mother, why did I do it 4 times?

You are definitely NOT BU!!!! First born wouldnt even make an hour!!! Neighbours complained about the screaming.. All day and all night!!! Hated the .. what seemed to me at the time as sanctimonious comments about sleeping for four, five etc.. hours a night.. And felt a wretched failure. Health visitor made suggestions that were useless as did NCT and hospital's sleep clinic!!! Even GP prescribed sedative for DC as I was sliding into depression. When you're sleep deprived you see that other's comments as being so unreasonable as compared to your own experience. DC was a toddler when hubby and I realised what worked... Separate beds and DC slept with me... Lasted til she was three... And one day she just stayed asleep in her room. It was tough ( and yes I'm still with DH 24 years later!) my heart goes out to you and take no bloody notice of what yummy mummys are gloating over... Find what YOU can cope with!... It won't last forever I promise!!!

YANBU to feel a bit resentful because lack of sleep is so horrible.

I see people are being nicer to you further through the thread, as I think you were getting some unhelpful comments at the beginning.

Actually there is no point feeling annoyed with these Mums because it won't help you. But we are not at our most logical when sleep deprived!

Every baby is different, every parent is different. Plus you only ever see/hear a fraction of someones life so you never know the full story!

You have my sympathy. When my DS was 8-9 months his poor sleeping (day and night) was unbearable and I was in tears most days and most night out of sheer frustration and exhaustion. It was really, really awful and it wore me down to the point where I contacted a Sleep Specialist because I just couldn't carry on like it anymore.

The Specialist saved my life and within 4 days I had a baby who took two naps during the day (at least an hour long each) and then slept about 11 hours overnight. She saved my sanity and gave me my life back.

My first non-sleeper was a doddle to toilet train, so it's swings and roundabouts. I have yet to find out what my second non-sleeper will excel at.

The comments that make me stabby are those like Wheelerdeeler's. Sleep training DOESN'T FUCKING WORK on my kids, but here's your medal for being an amazing parent.

Agree with PP- sleep is for wimps.

In the scheme of things my 2 were okayish sleepers, but I remember well the early days of sleep deprivation and would not wish a prolonged period of that on anyone.

My DD sleeps good but my DS oh my gosh...he's 15 months and sleeps worse than when he was newborn. There is no hell quite like sleep deprivation.

But console yourself with the fact that some do lie about their darlings angels. My next door neighbour used to gush at baby groups how her boys slept 7-7 without fail. Hmmm I didn't comment that they woke me often with their screams while my DD was sleeping, she ignored them 7-7, that's about it.

YABVU. Just because someone else's baby sleeps through doesn't mean they should apologise for your lack of sleep. My first was a great sleeper, my second was shocking, my third worse. Do you honestly think that any new parent gets 15 hours a day to themself? Ridiculous. I'm sorry your baby doesn't sleep well, but that has nothing to do with anyone else's child. It's very possible to survive on a few hours sleep a night, it makes me so mad when parents give out constantly about their babies not sleeping. They're only tiny for such a short time, there will come a day when they will gladly give you 15 hours to yourself. Enjoy them while you have them and you're their world.

If you get a good sleeper then you don't have to spend several dreadful hours each night trying to get them to sleep. A 12 hour a night sleeper = about 4 extra hours in the evening and you can still get your own 8 hours.

I feel for you. Mine got better at about a year and a half. Life was transformed. Now praying no 2 is one of these miracle sleepers from the start!

Tbf I don't really know what sleep training is. Am off to google

My first baby was a sleep monster. She slept through from 4 weeks and did 14 hour nights from 3 months. On top of that she had two long (2 hr plus) sleeps in the day. She cut out her morning nap at 18 months but only increased the length of her afternoon nap which she continued until starting school.

My second child, on the other hand simply didn't believe in sleep or naps. She was almost 2 before she slept through and was waking every hour or so, like a newborn until 18 months when she started nursery.

Ooh yes, bimandbam, the people who have a couple of dodgy nights and it's harder for them because they're not used to lack of sleep.

Up there with the people who tell you 'it's just as well all (ALL!!!) mine are good sleepers because I REALLY need my sleep'.

And other such helpful utterances.

My children all slept/sleep well - because I worked really hard to establish them in routines very early on. My eldest was angelic and slept pretty much when we wanted her to. My middle daughter suffered with colic for 8 weeks but then settled well into nap and night time sleeping. My last child pretty much screamed blue murder for his first three months of life - grabbing sleep in 45 minute chunks and ONLY if he was sleeping chest to chest with one of us. It was hell. But then he too got over whatever that was and then settled into a routine.

I used to get all sorts of snide remarks from people when I was asked if my baby slept through the night and answered yes. I followed Gina Ford's sleep routines (but none of the rest of it) religiously and it worked really well for us but I was presumed to be some sort of terrible unfeeling parent for doing so. I rarely had to use controlled crying so I'm not sure why I was deemed to be such a poor mother!

I will say, get the naps sorted and the night-time sleep will improve a lot. 45 minutes doesn't sound much for an 8 month old - so he's probably overtired going to bed at night, and as a result his sleep will be poorer than if he was well rested during the day. It seems to be a silly suggestion, getting more sleep in the day leads to more sleep at night, but it's true. Even now, my 3.5 year old DS will wake up really early, and be awful the next day because he's tired, if he goes to bed too late. The earlier we put him to bed, the longer he will sleep. I think it's to do with the 90 minute sleep cycles or something.

Sorry for the long post but I was attempting to offer some constructive advice regarding naps, whilst also sympathising re the poor sleep you're getting. I was almost suicidal when my DS wouldn't sleep for those long dark 3 months.

My point is, it is random and looking back I wouldn't change anything.

My first was grumpy a lot as a baby. She was alway preparing for her next kip. She didn't like being fussed over or anyone being in her face. My second, the non sleeper was grinning from ear to ear at three in the afternoon or three in the morning and was very sociable.

I'd second singingsamosa to start with the naps. That was the one useful bit of advice I had when I finally gave up and had to do CC with DD1 - much easier to stay calm in the day when you're not desperate to sleep and it doesn't seem so loud. And sleep does beget sleep - only took us a couple of days in the end and no ill effects, seemingly!

Dc3 is still hit and miss at 3YO though - we're just having to let nature take its course. He is very strong willed and that's a large part of it. Children are all different, just like adults - now that they're older (7,5,3), they have very different sleep patterns/needs, so I guess it stands to reason that one size won't fit all of them.

Wishing you a quiet night, OP!

Wow. Put them in a routine and try to get them to sleep longer during the day. Why didn't we think of that?

People lie im afraid. Your being honest about things. It will get better, promise.

I had DD who slept 6pm till 8am every night and 3 or 4 hours in the daytime and was a smug git. Then I had DS who barely slept.

Thought me a bit of a lesson.

Taught*